Help (SH Triggers)

[CursedHeart]

Im loosing control of my life.

I suffer from severe paranoia, depression and anxiety attacks

Two months ago my mum went into hospital, shes back out now (though shes probably gonna go back in soon)

While she was in hospital i stopped going to college and eventually stopped leaving the house except to go see her, i relied on my boyfriend to eat and some days wouldnt respond at all.

In these past two months the minute I wake up I start thinking about suicide. As an ex self harmer I was ''clean'' for nine months, but I had the worst self harming session Ive ever had resulting in my boyfriend having his mum drive him over at 1 am.

Today I had my first day back at college but recently my mum and tutor have both said im not strong enough to go to university next year.

Im loosing control and cant stop obsessing over suicide.


Some other facts about me to read BEFORE you reply

Ive had 3 psychiatrists
Ive had 2 counsellors
Ive had 1 family therapist
Ive had 1 psychotherapist
Ive had 6 gps
Ive been on aromatherapy courses
Ive talked to friends
I dont take drugs / smoke or drink although tonight I bought a bottle of vodka and plan to drink it all





Im spiralling out of control and my best friend is unable to help me as shes dealing with some SERIOUS child trauma and the only other person I feel I can talk to is my ex fiance who is bi-polar and in a wheelchair so Im very lonely.

I talk to my boyfriend all the time but were so close it doesnt help, i just see him stress over it and feel worse and loose more motivation

Ive become disinterested in all my subjects.

I havent had a social life for about four years, having anxiety attacks when made to leave the house except to go to college and my grandparents, this includes my boyfriends house



Ive been fighting depression for 11 years now and all I feel is exhausted. Im so tired of fighting

This is a last desperate attempt to find some advice I havent heard before

Somebody tell me im crazy...

Tell me I can go to sleep and not wake up...

Help me

[CursedHeart]

Help me :'(

[Dan Williamson]

All i can say it.

Well just think if you Harm Yourself, what the trauma your parents will go through and also other family, and deffo don't commit suicide as that will bring even more grief.

I suffer from anxiety and depression. But i was taught to control myself, thing of happy thoughts and also go councilling every week.

-Dan

[CursedHeart]

what an amazingly insensitive and arrogant post, cheers <3

[Dan Williamson]

Well i'm trying to help.

As if you do, do anything all you'd do is upset people.

Sometimes the truth hurts :(

- Dan

[CursedHeart]

obviously, as someone who self harmed for three years and who stopped for nine months, id know that.

most people ont his forum have a vague idea of bits of my life and have understood that im desperate and loosing control and thats why i posted, logic ive heard before wont help me.

[Dan Williamson]

obviously, as someone who self harmed for three years and who stopped for nine months, id know that.

most people ont his forum have a vague idea of bits of my life and have understood that im desperate and loosing control and thats why i posted, logic ive heard before wont help me.

Ok well i'm sorry, i don't know what it's like to self harm but i know of the other problems, i just hope you can stay on the straight and nawrrow :)

Good luck

- Dan

[eggd2]

all i can say is think happy thoughts!

[StripedTiger]

I re-read that a few times...

well it isnt exactly easy to get over depression, sometimes i feel like slamming my head agaisnt the wall and hoping someone else feels my pain aswell as myself.

i can tell you know phsycologists / phsyciatrists dont work, after experiencing one myself

I ont really know about those attacks, i dont have a social life either and i miss the computer so so much i gotta go on every day.

Talking helps a little bit but after a while it stops working.

When im really down i play music to try and cheer me up, but after a while that either does your head in or you cant go long without music O.o

Um... i dont think you have tried the "talking to yourself" method
sounds crazy i know but it helps sometimes.

When im angry or upset or anything i talk to myself and run things through in my head. and talk to myself about what my enxt steps are, how i should do stuff and why do i do stuff.

I think you could try asking yourself why do you have these attacks? and how to take things a step at a time to overcome these things.

Just try talking yourself through your days. I also find that the reason why i dont have a social life is becuase the people i am "friends" with i dont necisarily like. So you need to find friends who you like.

thats all of my ideas O.o

[CursedHeart]

thanks for all of your ideas, you always come through for me girl. sadly i still havent found anything new

[Eamonn]

Think of seeexy thoughts thats what homer does :D

[CursedHeart]

THINK UNSEXEH THOUGHTS THINK UNSEXEH THOUGHTS THINK UNSEXEH THOUGHTS THINK UNSEXEH THOUGHTS

[Eamonn]

THINK UNSEXEH THOUGHTS THINK UNSEXEH THOUGHTS THINK UNSEXEH THOUGHTS THINK UNSEXEH THOUGHTS
is it think unsexeh or sexeh i dunno its one or the other :P

[CursedHeart]

unsexeh was when that woman (name?!) was hitting on him xD

[NekkLe]

Well this scenario seems a tough cookie. Although its difficult to maintain your won life, your going to have to motivate yourself. As you already stated that you've had alot of help in the past and it hasn't helped you.

I suppose if the people who are really meant to help you, can't then its best to share some views with people on a forum. As long as there supportive, I don't see why they can't help in any way.
Some views may seem odd but you've again said it yourself that you've been depressed for 11 years and havn't had a great deal of a social life, your bound to snap at people for seemingful silly comments.

Although I havn't been in a situation as near as that, maybe experience isn't the only way to help.

My advice, I think your going to have to build up some courage and confidence within yourself. This may seem a difficult obstacle to tackle but your going to have to look at life in different perspectives. Depression will decrease your level of confidence, but you need to rebuild it and start fresh.
I think you need to make that push and start going out more, staying inside won't do any help, especially when your really depressed, its basically digging your hole deeper.
Ask your boyfriend to take you out more, if you feel your close to him, trust him, ask him. If he really wants to help you, I think hes prepared to go lengths for you :)
Buiding a social life will help free depressive thoughts, if your constantly thinking negative then your bound to slip into depression.

The simplicity of life helps the most and now your at your final lengths, you've got to look at it a little clearer.
Independent exercise or with a partner (such as your boyfriend) will help relieve your stress levels.

Make a diary, make a list of things you would like to do such as a day out :) Do it your way.
Go out to a theme park, exillirating rides may help relieve some joy and happyness inside of you.

I'm just trying to think of things in life that are simple, easy for you to take in. Doing some of these may help you. Like I've said previously, some of lifes simplicities can play a very important role in your life now and you may rely on them in future.

Lol, I know this is long but it contains simple help which I think could help, please read it as I know these will help you decide factors in your life more easily.

Regards :)

#NekkLe

[Mit]

Go to church, my depressed friend did and hes okay now, thats if you don't already.

Do something you have always thought of doing but never had the cofidence to do.

Make short term aims that lead to a long term aim.


Can't think of any other advice but i hope that helps :)

[CursedHeart]

i was bought up catholic but then my sister died

<3

nekkle i will try the diary thing

[Mit]

hmm yer that does put people off religion. the whole pray to make someone better but nothing happens. ANd then the church say God has his reasons and your like wth.

[NekkLe]

i was bought up catholic but then my sister died

<3

nekkle i will try the diary thing
I recommend doing something that you've always wanted to do. Plan a day out, it will be good for your social metabelism.
When was the last time you done something you've really wanted to do? The last time you had a day to relax and have fun? Your lifes here, help yourself :)

[CursedHeart]

today i went to college again (two days woo :P)

uumm.. thing is while i wanna get better from being miserable im still petrified to go out... i went to a mates house on monday night (big deal!!!!!!) for halloween til like.. 10.. but then came home and drank vodka.. so.. hmm

[NekkLe]

today i went to college again (two days woo :P)

uumm.. thing is while i wanna get better from being miserable im still petrified to go out... i went to a mates house on monday night (big deal!!!!!!) for halloween til like.. 10.. but then came home and drank vodka.. so.. hmm
Well it looks like your doing well in some ways of getting out. Why the drink though?

Live your life a bit better, scared about leaving the house is just the negative thoughts again. You went out yesterday which proves your wrong, you can do it!
Just build up courage and I'm sure you'll do fine :)

[CursedHeart]

i drank cos im t total and just wanted to try something new, im that desperate to find a way to get rid of it

as for getting courage, not quite that simple.. but hey

[Mit]

i recommend just going to the local shops to get milk or something and just take it a day at a time. Aim maybe to remember a topic that you've done at college.

What you want to do is make it feel like there is so much to live for, which there is. We just want you to know that your important but its so hard to get confidence when its been dented continously.

[deltateamaplha]

I know how you feel about these attacks... About 2 years ago I sufferd from panic attakts I could hardley leave the house and got very upset . I still get them somtimes. Take steps at a time ( Example I was panicing about goin back to School when my panic attacks were at there worse so on day 1 I went in for 2 periods day 2 4 periods and day 3 a full day ) But please don't fell your alone with these fellings:(. I hope you get better soon
Lots of love and cuddles from Yazzi
x

[CursedHeart]

today i left home and only packed items to help me commit suicide, sadly because of my psychic connections with the people i love i walked out the door to find my boyfriend just stood waiting for me at the end of my garden path, we went and sat on a bench (cold!!) for most of the day and then wenthome.

Yesterday I went to college and the day before and i intend on going tomorrow..


im so tired of fighting

[Mentor]

Crazy people dont know there crazy.
My advice is probaly worth **** and should probaly be ignored, but of i had counclers therpists phycistists telling me what to do, whats worng whats ive got to do, id probly go insain myself.
If you just sit there pondering ****, your just gona convince yourself its even worse, until it is worse then carry on the same cycle.
What ever started all this **** problys no longer an issue, the issue is now only the built up **** around all this stuff, and the only way i can think to do is to do a compleat U tern, do something entirly diffent with no connection to your normal life, to compleaty jump your proespective and just lerch you out of the spiral, then the built up **** will hopefuly loose its grouning.
Athogh unless you belive it will work, it wont, since its all about belife realy, Wether its religion and prancing around like an evanglist, or belife in somthing more relistic, my advice if it did make any sence, is still probaly ****, but its how i would attempt to go in a cirtution i get stuck in, just saying **** it and doing what ever i need to do to solve it, as what seems like an easer way out, is actaly much harder, and just makes things worse "/
If your fighting a war you cant win, just **** the fact you cant and do it anyway.

Ps. Stay of the boose, its a depressent it just helps make things seem worse then they are "/ its all part of a downwards spiral, wich i think is what you need to break to start feeling better

[alexxxxx]

My advice is. Go to bed tonight. Wake up tommorow as a new person. DON'T DRINK OR SMOKE. Forget about you troubled past (maybe hard) and be strong. Even if you don't want to go out, even if you are paranoid - DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR MIND. Keep on going and going and you'll start to feel better. Go to church, chat to people in your classes, KEEP GOING. I can't say I've been in as bad situation, but when I've had something I feel is bad, this works.

I hope my advice works,

Saiteko

[Aliness]

Im only 13 and I probably feel as bad as you do.
Ive been to about seven or eight councillers,
Ive lost alot of friends and I just cant be bothered with life,
I wake up in the morning and the only thing that keeps me going
is my best friend, my soul mate. I know how you feel, everyone
just thinks that Im a drama queen, Ha, they got no idea. I cant
help you, probably becuase I cant even help myself but just think,
someone somewhere is in a worse situation than you. Think of all
the disabled people, the blind people and the deaf. They keep going,
They dont stop. They dont give in do they. I still self harm :l I have
to say, I just. Grrr.. Its one thing that takes the pain away. Ive been
into hospital more times than ive been on the computer and thats alot!
I dont know what to say. I used to black out like everyday from blood loss,
and no one seemed to care if I was even here anyway so who is it harming ?
Alcohl also help alot <3 Anyways, youve got a boyfriend and he must be going
through all of this to,If he lost you, just think what its like for him, for youre mom
For your family. My gran died about a month ago, Didnt help my situation
Im sorry I cant help,
♥Ali

[beth]

Eurgh, Cal I know you and I've been in a situation like this myself; and I know whatever I say will not help.
All I can say is that I will offer any help I can..
And I seriously hope you get better soon <3