As quiet as could be...

[lukeisok]

Here's a poem I had to write for my History Exam, I got a Level 7-

Please read and tell me what you think.

---------------------------------------------------------------
As Quiet As Could Be.

As quiet as could be,
Across the eastern trench,
Not a cough or sneeze was heard,
Across the trenches fence.

Then the Germans came to our trench,
Full of Festive, loving glee,
Because this day was Christmas,
The one day they were free.

Then the morning after that,
The guns began to rattle,
Alas the bloodshed began again,
The smell of burning shrapnel.

The the rations started shrinking,
And the rats began to came,
The dirt and filth was getting think,
The trenchfoot causing pain.

The wind was blowing softly,
The smell of sulphur in the air,
The Germans were conversing,
Inside that nasty lair.

So the grass was never green,
And the fighting never stopped,
But the ones who lost thier lives,
Will never be forgot.

[Grimmauld]

Some grammar errors, if you fix them, the poem will sound better. Other then that, it's very touching, I think poems like those are really good.

[JT-Fan]

the comma's after every sentance is very annoying use full stops more

[Wayne]

the comma's after every sentance is very annoying use full stops more

Yer, but four lined poems are meant to have a comma after every line, and end it with a full stop. ;)

Anyway, very nice, even though it's a war poem. Well done :)

[lukeisok]

O.o thanks for replying all, :)

[Wayne]

You're welcome xD

[Juicette]

It's an alright poem though

[lukeisok]

Hmm, I loved this poem, so im bumping my old thread :D