Piipp
16-04-2006, 12:58 AM
For about four years now, I've been planning to write a book titled 'Triarch'. I've written up to the eighth chapter, however, being a perfectionist, rewrote the entire story. I've done this over and over for four years, however, I've come to a point now where I'm happy with the story, characters, plot, and place. I've therefore begun to re-write the book. My dream is to get this story published as a book and to go on and complete a whole series of Triarch books, my plans for the plot leave enough room for a series. Anyone, here is a small snippet I've saved from one of my earlier versions which I'll be including in the new version of the story. Please read it though and post ratings, how I could improve it, and what you generally think of the story and this particular passage. Thank you. :)
'Triach opened his eyes slowly; the light was painful. He turned his head to the left. Then to the right. He looked down at himself. He appeared to be laying on a rock, on a beach. He looked up; the sky was a beautiful blue, however, he felt strangely chilled. Looking into the distance, beyond the waves, he could see dark skies looming and moving in his direction. He tried to clamber to his feet, but putting pressure onhis left arm only intensified the pain. Using his legs and his right arm, he stood up and turned to the one direction he had not yet looked. Hehind the rock he could see forest and above that, he could see a large mountain, selfishly stealing the sky.
"Where am I?" he muttered to himself. His memory seemed to be gone, he couldn't even remember how he had ended up on this island. Holding his left arm to stop it swinging, he started to slowly walk towards the forest. He looked down at his feet; he had no shoes on and his trousers were torn up to the knees. He looked at his arms and his bare chest. Looking at down at himself, he suddenly had a thought.
"Who am I?"'
'Triach opened his eyes slowly; the light was painful. He turned his head to the left. Then to the right. He looked down at himself. He appeared to be laying on a rock, on a beach. He looked up; the sky was a beautiful blue, however, he felt strangely chilled. Looking into the distance, beyond the waves, he could see dark skies looming and moving in his direction. He tried to clamber to his feet, but putting pressure onhis left arm only intensified the pain. Using his legs and his right arm, he stood up and turned to the one direction he had not yet looked. Hehind the rock he could see forest and above that, he could see a large mountain, selfishly stealing the sky.
"Where am I?" he muttered to himself. His memory seemed to be gone, he couldn't even remember how he had ended up on this island. Holding his left arm to stop it swinging, he started to slowly walk towards the forest. He looked down at his feet; he had no shoes on and his trousers were torn up to the knees. He looked at his arms and his bare chest. Looking at down at himself, he suddenly had a thought.
"Who am I?"'