How can I be more confident?

[Linny]

Right, I really need help on how to be more confident cause its really getting me down, espeically with mates at school.
I've always had this one mate who i've been really close too and shes always stuck up for me and we had no other mates but each other. But at the beginning of year 9 (this year) she found a new set of mates and basically left me out and i'm left with nobody :( because i'm really shy and haven't got confidence to start talking to people at all. i could be mates with the ppl my mate hangs about with cos their my type of mates but i just can't go up to someone and start talking to them cause i've got no confidence :((( and i would feel so uncomfortable, so i hang around on my own at school,
i really want to be confident i don't want to be shy so how can i be confident and become mates with my mate again and with the new mates she hangs around with? thanksss :)

[FlyingJesus]

As much as many people say image doesn't matter, it's a big thing, especially with rating your self confidence. You might need to consider changing how you look (nothing completely radical, just something different with your hair or clothes). However, the biggest thing is that it's probably fear of rejection that's holding you back. You've got to just push that away, and once you've managed to make yourself step forward and talk to one person/group, you'll be much more confident with doing it again. Confidence is something that builds up, not something that comes to you overnight.

The people around you also affect your confidence - you say you currently don't hang around with anyone at all, so you have no support there, so it's vital that you pluck up the courage to start getting to know people sooner rather than later, otherwise you'll find yourself becoming more and more reclusive.

[JackHb]

Try getting their MSN's maybe and speak to them on that and then after a while you may meet.

[Mentor]

Talk to the one you do know, and that will most likly lead in to talking to the ones you dont "/

[Safe Virus]

2/5 Of my friends I only know because of friends. I've met so many more people from my current mates. I forgot what song but it's on my phone and it goes "you get your mates, i'll get my mates, we'll swap all night long" or somthing along those lines.

That's what I've done quite a few times. I'll bore you with my life story now.

I was staying around one of my friends house for the weekend and we went swimming with 20ish people from my year. Including both of our girlfriends. I didn't know most of them. Sure I got talking to a few of them, got there names and now talk to them at school. After, we were asking to see who was going down to get somthing to eat only four of us went down. I offerd to buy everyones deal. Comming to a total of 20.00. We somehow blaghed to get two extra big macs. Anyway, we just sat and ate for a while. I had the two people I didn't know numbers. I'm friends with one of them and the other one I'm best friends with.

Just hang out with your friends, her friends will get to know you.

Ask your friend for there msns. I know 101 people on my msn. 25 I dont know irl. Thats 76 school people. 16 Of them dont like me. 60 School friends on my msn. I dont have that many msn addresses.

I hang around with my second friend who has 200+ people he knows well and we often run into them at town, village, movies etc and we do get to know each other.

You find people, talk to them, add them, get their number, FRIEND!

[Ostinato]

Ok. First off - stop worrying, it isn't a big deal and a lot of people go through shyness in their life, the trick is just getting over it! :]

You basically need to just take a look at yourself and accept yourself for what you are. If you're happy with what you are, then you don't need to worry about what other people are going to think of you!

I advise you to just go up with your current mate, and perhaps don't be all lively to start with, but just talk and stick with her, and youc ould even ask her beforehand to look after you. Gradually you will notice your taking part in their conversations more, and you'll eventually be interacting with them individually.

You could also get a few topics of conversation thought up beforehand, and then if conversation ever runs dry or it turns awkward, just bring one of they topics up and have a natter about that, and hey - I'm sure these people don't expect you to be talking 24/7 anyway, your not a chat line!

A great way of making friends and building confidence without you even knowing it, is joining some sort of class or group. For instance you could take up dancing, gymnastics etc. or even just go to your local youth club, and meet people through that.

Honestly, you need to realise that just talking to new people really isn't as such a big deal as it's made out to be. Just walk on up and get talking and make friends, if they don't like you then thats their problem, but at least at the end of the day you'll know you tried, and I bet you'll be surprised! ;]

For some extra tips and help, you could go to http://advice7.com/emotions_feelings/confidence.html for some advice, or even just do a google search which might come in handy! :]

Good luck!

[Many]

I think of it like this.
Having no confidence brings out a worse outcome.
So dont be worried, think of what you could 'achieve' with confidence!
You cant stay like this forever - so try hard to have confidence, theres not really a way to gain it, it happens naturally.

[omgabear]

Be more of an optomist, whats the worse that can happen?, someone rejecting to talk to you?

[Many]

*agress*

[Assid_Rane]

yup. everyone else has pretty much explained wot u need to do...

just hang out with the friend you do have. when u have been hangin out with her friends for a while, you will get used to being around them + u will open up.

[foxyfox00]

Just hold your head up high and stand up straight. Really people get a first impression in 5-20 seconds just pretend your happy and confindent.
Sit next to people you dont know in class, join a club or sporting group. Do simply things that make you happy and remember to Smile =D

[8Freak8]

Hopefully you still read this thread.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/onelife/personal/index.shtml?confidence#topics

Even I find that info useful and I'm quite confident as it is!

[ilovejordan]

Whatever you do, don't change into someone your not just to fit in

[8Freak8]

Whatever you do, don't change into someone your not just to fit in
I disagree. You can change to fit in. Just don't change into anything that you don't feel comfortable. And keep the same friends.

[Lozzoling]

Yeh when i started secondary my best mate was in a different form and all the other mates i had disowned me,so i hung out with my best mates mates and now we're best of friends.