Mitchell
18-06-2006, 12:39 AM
Ive been going out with a girl in my school for almost a year now and we are really close. Everyone in the school knows that we have been going out and all my friends say we are perfect for eachother. But recently one of my friends named Ryan came to me and told me that he was gay. I was ok with him being gay. But I would never have expected him to be gay though because he has a girlfriend too. Well for some reason I started feeling like I wanted to be around him more. In class when we get in big groups, he is always close to me and now I always get close to him. One day after school he came to me while I was opening my locker and grabbed my behind. I didnt tell anyone, I actualy liked it for some reason. My girlfriend saw, and once he walked over to his locker she came up to me and kissed me for like a minute. I dont know why, but now when she kisses me I dont like it as much as I used to. She really doesnt like Ryan now she thinks he likes me.
Later I walked home with Ryan, his girlfriend and my other friends. My girlfriend usualy walked home with me but when I told her Ryan was walking with us too she said she wanted to walk by herself. She was avoiding him.
When I got home, Ryan called me on the telephone and asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him and his girlfriend I said sure.
But when I got there his girlfriend wasent there. He said she couldnt come because she had a volleyball tournament somewhere. We went to see the movie Davinci code. I dont really like the movie so I was bored. Then suddenly Ryan put his hand on my leg. I looked down and then at Ryan. He told me that he was really into me and that for somereason he cant get me out of his mind. That he didnt know why he suddenly started likeing guys. I told him I wasent gay. So we just kept watching the movie.
He said his girlfriend phoned him and told us to meet her at his place. When we got there we went up to his room, drank coke and played Ps2 while we waited for her. I was sitting on the bed and he was sitting on the floor. We played tony hawk and I won. After we were done playing he went over to me and then kissed me on the lips. I didnt push him away either for some reason. I kept thinking of my girlfriend and what she would do if she found out. I didnt know why I was letting him kiss me because I wasent gay. Then he came closer to me and we leaned back on the bed and I started kissing him back. He took off my shirt and his and then everything just happened. I did stuff that I thought was wrong and I would of never done like I sucked his thing. He did the same stuff to me. We stayed awake for so long kising and doing other stuff. I dont remember what happend then.
The next morning I got up out of his bed wich he was in too and I ran out the door and back to my place. I went up to my room and wrote down everything that just happened. I was just writing stuff that came out of my mind instantly. Everything that happened the day before and the day after. And how I actualy liked what happened yesterday but to me it was wrong for some reason. I kept thinking of my girlfriend and I tryed to get the thoughts of Ryan out of my head. I even hit myself many times, but I couldnt stop thinking about him. Later that day he phoned my house again but I didnt answer. But my mom answered. I told her to say I wasent here so she did. She then asked me what was wrong and I said nothing was.
Now is today june 17th and I rerote everything that I rote down on the piece of papaer. I can remember what had happened like I have it filmed in my head. I am extremely confuzed by whats happening now. I really need help, im thinking of going to the doctors but I am too scared. Am I weird of something like is my brain broken to be thinking of Ryan and not my girlfriend? I feel like a freak. All this happened so fast and Im scared whats going to happen next.
Can anyone please tell me whats happening or any websites that I can go to to talk to people about what could be happening. :'(
Later I walked home with Ryan, his girlfriend and my other friends. My girlfriend usualy walked home with me but when I told her Ryan was walking with us too she said she wanted to walk by herself. She was avoiding him.
When I got home, Ryan called me on the telephone and asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him and his girlfriend I said sure.
But when I got there his girlfriend wasent there. He said she couldnt come because she had a volleyball tournament somewhere. We went to see the movie Davinci code. I dont really like the movie so I was bored. Then suddenly Ryan put his hand on my leg. I looked down and then at Ryan. He told me that he was really into me and that for somereason he cant get me out of his mind. That he didnt know why he suddenly started likeing guys. I told him I wasent gay. So we just kept watching the movie.
He said his girlfriend phoned him and told us to meet her at his place. When we got there we went up to his room, drank coke and played Ps2 while we waited for her. I was sitting on the bed and he was sitting on the floor. We played tony hawk and I won. After we were done playing he went over to me and then kissed me on the lips. I didnt push him away either for some reason. I kept thinking of my girlfriend and what she would do if she found out. I didnt know why I was letting him kiss me because I wasent gay. Then he came closer to me and we leaned back on the bed and I started kissing him back. He took off my shirt and his and then everything just happened. I did stuff that I thought was wrong and I would of never done like I sucked his thing. He did the same stuff to me. We stayed awake for so long kising and doing other stuff. I dont remember what happend then.
The next morning I got up out of his bed wich he was in too and I ran out the door and back to my place. I went up to my room and wrote down everything that just happened. I was just writing stuff that came out of my mind instantly. Everything that happened the day before and the day after. And how I actualy liked what happened yesterday but to me it was wrong for some reason. I kept thinking of my girlfriend and I tryed to get the thoughts of Ryan out of my head. I even hit myself many times, but I couldnt stop thinking about him. Later that day he phoned my house again but I didnt answer. But my mom answered. I told her to say I wasent here so she did. She then asked me what was wrong and I said nothing was.
Now is today june 17th and I rerote everything that I rote down on the piece of papaer. I can remember what had happened like I have it filmed in my head. I am extremely confuzed by whats happening now. I really need help, im thinking of going to the doctors but I am too scared. Am I weird of something like is my brain broken to be thinking of Ryan and not my girlfriend? I feel like a freak. All this happened so fast and Im scared whats going to happen next.
Can anyone please tell me whats happening or any websites that I can go to to talk to people about what could be happening. :'(