My poem lmao dnt laugh! Its bout hate.

[BlingBlingBabey]

As I walk into the room,
I see the awful glooms,
I know what I did was wrong,
But this has gone on so long,
I think back to what I did,
When I was just a kid,
I hit her as hard as I could,
I knew that I would,
I just cant control my anger,
Even if it gets me in danger,
Now as I look round,
My heart starts to pound,
It was once just once,
Just that one girl called Beyonc,
Why cant we all move on,
Instead of making it a con,
I guess Ill have to be lonely all my life,
Without becoming a wife,
So thats how my life goes,
With all them evil foes.

[JoeComins]

Sorry, How old are you? And what year would youj be in?

Thanks

Brandon! (Forum Moderator) Please Stay On Topic, thanks.

[Rockerboi6]

She's younger than 11 I guess, Well she acts it, look at her name. BlingBling pfft.

Brandon! (Forum Moderator) Please Stay On Topic, thanks.

[-Undiscovered]

lol, about 10-11 i think

Brandon! (Forum Moderator) Please Stay On Topic, thanks.

[Zample]

Dont diss 10-11 year olds. ;P I'm 12. Anyway.

Sorry, Babey, but this sucked. Keep working, and maybe you'll get it.

[Midnight.Rose]

Okay, I know this whole thing is about personal opinions. But fgs, does it matter old she is, this poem is obviously something shes been through and i know myself it is hard to put memories in to words. Brings it all back, so give her chance stop being nasty give your opinion but try and put it in the nicest way. This thing isnt about how horrible you can be. Grow Up!

[::d4nnyt::]

Nah I don't like the poem the rhyming words are all a bit easy.


Okay, I know this whole thing is about personal opinions. But fgs, does it matter old she is, this poem is obviously something shes been through and i know myself it is hard to put memories in to words. Brings it all back, so give her chance stop being nasty give your opinion but try and put it in the nicest way. This thing isnt about how horrible you can be. Grow Up!

Come on, I got an infraction for saying
fgs It wouldn't be fair not to give her one!

[JoeComins]

I got an infraction for "Posting off topic" when I was asking her age . . .

But that is not off-topic. I was meerly asking her age as to now more about her, and her age group so that I could make a fair critisms. Its no good using A-Level type terminology on a 10 year old, would it? If I knew her age, I would be able to make a fair evaluation, and try and help her using language she would be familiar with.

Regards, and to all moderators, try being a little more helpful, and dont be so condesending. I have 4 infractions now. 3 for no valid reason, apart from the moderators not understanding. They dont understand hyperthetical questions. They dont understand that you need to know someones age to critique their work, and give improvements. They dont understand what irony is.

So, lets do it the way the moderators want this, to be "on-topic"

This sucks. Start again.

Or the way I would have:

For a 10-13 year old, you need to be practising your use of sylables per line, and different rhyming schemes, instead of using a A,B,A,B pattern.

As your trying to write a straight simple poem, the little things need to be correct. You need a constant rhyme and syllabla pattern. (Syllable is the beats per line)

And to Bradon, the moderator, You need to learn some better manners, and what is, and isnt off-topic. To critique someones work, you cant, just say its terrible, and you need to understand their ability to give critisms and improvements. I strongly surgest this infraction is looked upon, and questioned.

[Rockerboi6]

Hmm i did too.