Emo"/

[Midnight.Rose]

Okay, I'm new to the whole habbox thing. But I wrote this poem and i know its a bit depressing.

Feeling alone...Nobody there
Except a feeling of sadness and despair
Sitting alone wondering what ive done
The abnormality of what I've become
Is something im not proud of
I'll say that any day
But the way people treat me
Is not fair in anyway

No one for comfort
No one for fun
What could I have possibly done
Lyrics in my music
Remind me of my life
Which makes me feel worse
So I reach for the knife

I remember I'm scared of dieing
Then start again the crying
Trying not to be
The "emo" people see
I'm not usually like this I say
I'm usually happy and like to play
Most don't believe me
But sometimes they do
I want them to say
Don't worry...I'm here for you.

[iluvben]

um ok.

the rhyming don't work very well

[::d4nnyt::]

Lyrics in my music
Remind me of my life
Which makes me feel worse
So I reach for the knife


Don't listen to it then...

[Aitken]

I like it. It seems like at parts you are talking about yourself then at the end you say

"Don't worry...I'm here for you." - seems like you are now talking to someone or about someone.

"The abnormality of what I've become
Is something im not proud of"
I really liked that line, you know that somethings wrong but you dont know what to do about it. i know how that can feel.

Overall i really like this so well done.
10/10

[luke-p]

Don't listen to it then...

Its a poem it dont mean its true...

[FlyingJesus]

It's difficult to make a poem about a sad subject that sounds good. My advice is to not try it, because you do end up looking very much like a 12 year-old, no matter how old you are when you write it. In fact, it's not even the fact that it's a sad poem, it's more the words you've used, it just strikes me as immature.

[Craig]

That poem is crap. Seriously you need to up your writing skills and DYING isn't spelt DIEING "/

And whats with the ****ty title? Get rid of it and stop following the Emo fad and make a decent title and a decent poem cos frankly this is the worst poem I've read in a long time.

The rhyming technique is revolting, choose one technique and stick to it and don't try fitting in words that don't fit in cos they look out of place.

[-Soph-]

stop following the Emo fad

Its okay..
but craig has a good point.

[kasi]

erm wth at this poem :S


Don't listen to it then...

lmao at that.

[::d4nnyt::]

That poem is crap. Seriously you need to up your writing skills and DYING isn't spelt DIEING "/

And whats with the ****ty title? Get rid of it and stop following the Emo fad and make a decent title and a decent poem cos frankly this is the worst poem I've read in a long time.

The rhyming technique is revolting, choose one technique and stick to it and don't try fitting in words that don't fit in cos they look out of place.

I agree with craig.


stop following the Emo fad

All too true. I think calling the poem emo is just asking for this kind of responce.


i know its a bit depressing.

It actually cheered me up. :)

[Fomas]

What i say is, if we wrote happy poetry it wouldnt be as great tbh.
But it is a bit too much. my mate did poems about suicide and its like... ew. Go away.

[Midnight.Rose]

Okay, well. The poems not actually called "emo" i was trying to get at the poem is very emo like and quite pathetic, it makes me laugh.
I'm not emo and i think this poem has a very self centred meaning to it. Sorry if you didnt get that, but this is my first time on habbox.

[FlyingJesus]

If you make a post and people laugh at it, the worst thing you can do is pretend that it was meant to be a spoof-like thing.

[Midnight.Rose]

No, I wrote the poem when i was feeling sad and sorry for myself. But as soon as i had i sent it to my friends calling it pathetic and emo. Also i dont know even know why people use the word "emo" as it is a type of music not a type of person.

[brandon]

I agree with craig.



All too true. I think calling the poem emo is just asking for this kind of responce.



It actually cheered me up. :)
The poem is crap but it cheered you up?

[::d4nnyt::]

When I first joined this forum I didn't like it because everyone had nothing nice to say to anything anyone else has done. Well if you can't beat 'em join 'em. Hardluck kiddo.


The poem is crap but it cheered you up?

Yeh well it's that thing where people are laughing at someone else instead of you :). And also it made me chuckle cause emo kids make me chuckle about how bad they thing their life is. I mean when were their families starving? It's not like they have to drink dirty water to stay alive? Just something to moan about.

[Midnight.Rose]

I agree

[Midnight.Rose]

SAILING SAILING JUMPING ON THE RAILING DRINKING DRINKING TIL DA SHIP IS SINK, GAMBLING STEALING LOTS OF SEX APPEALING COME LET US SING THE SAILOR SONG!!

*coughs*

CAN I TOUCH YOUR TINGERLING?
OH YEAHHH
OH YEAHHH

that is all
byes
xxxx

[YoManGo!]

pathetic and emo. Also i dont know even know why people use the word "emo" as it is a type of music not a type of person.

Oh, wow you are smart!
Everyone knew that.


What i say is, if we wrote happy poetry it wouldnt be as great tbh.
But it is a bit too much. my mate did poems about suicide and its like... ew. Go away.

That's stupid, if it doesn't uplift you what use does it have?
Unless it's inspirational, I can let that go.
Now read Rudyard Kipling's complete works; that guy was emo!