kooldude23
04-10-2006, 07:12 PM
I have been asked to create a short story. I think this is the best i have ever written. Its still in the early stages and what not.
This is the first chapter so far -
Chapter one.
It was an unusually warm morning in Atlanta. The sun was a vibrant golden colour. It was perfect, minus the smoke coming from the nearby factories that obstructed the view from southbound traffic. Jeffery was driving his standard squad car listening to the local radio station. When Jeffery arrived at his destination he had just finished lip-syncing to ACDC – ‘Highway to hell’. He was greeted by Luke Barker. Luke is the stereotypical rookie, full of himself and always looking to impress police officer. Jeffery hated these types, so enthusiastic in a world run by crime and violence, after all Jeffery has the right to hate these types because he has served for almost 13 years. Even after all this experience nothing would prepare him for what he was about to get involved in.
Luke indicated for Jeffery to unwind the window to his car. He slowly obeyed after having a few vicious thoughts. He killed the radio just as Luke opened his mouth to say “Morning Jeffery, we gotta’ bad one in there” Luke explained whilst pointing to the multi-story building with broken and boarded up windows behind him. Luke had a very pale face, almost as if he was sick multiple times. Luke was the kind of guy who would spend his weekends working out, trying to enhance his physical image.
After Jeffery downed his double cappuccino, black, with syrup fresh from Starbucks he climbed out of his squad car feeling like a wreck. Jeffery’s marriage was about to end and he had become involved with loan sharks in order to keep up with credit card payments because there were shoes that his wife “just had to have”. He followed Luke towards the building, on first glance Jeffery thought it looked like a disused factory, but it was a very old block of flats. The walls were filled with graffiti and bullet holes. Walking past one of the first floor windows, peering in, Jeffery thought the rooms were inhabitable, in that is, someone emerged from a bed to see what all the commotion was about. Jeffery and Luke opened the door to be greeted by another police woman.
Eliza greeted the two strangers coming through the door with a big fake smile and a hand shake acting like she was pleased to see them. Truth is all CSI dislike the police. Eliza started up a conversation by saying “Bad one up there guys, if you got a weak stomach bring a bag, we are off to floor 12”. All three began to climb the stair after preparing themselves. As the walked past they almost walked square into a small old lady coming down the stairs. After quickly avoiding the collision the trio continued up the stairs further still. Like the walls outside these were filled will graffiti. Jeffery thought he saw a name he recognised then quickly burned the thought. About halfway up they were hit by the smell. Dirty, rotten like smell, could be compared to nothing. It was the unmistakable smell of rotting flesh. Jeffery almost gagged, he had smelt it before but nothing like this. Jeffery though to himself “has the body been dead for weeks?”.
Please imform me of any mistakes or anything.
This is the first chapter so far -
Chapter one.
It was an unusually warm morning in Atlanta. The sun was a vibrant golden colour. It was perfect, minus the smoke coming from the nearby factories that obstructed the view from southbound traffic. Jeffery was driving his standard squad car listening to the local radio station. When Jeffery arrived at his destination he had just finished lip-syncing to ACDC – ‘Highway to hell’. He was greeted by Luke Barker. Luke is the stereotypical rookie, full of himself and always looking to impress police officer. Jeffery hated these types, so enthusiastic in a world run by crime and violence, after all Jeffery has the right to hate these types because he has served for almost 13 years. Even after all this experience nothing would prepare him for what he was about to get involved in.
Luke indicated for Jeffery to unwind the window to his car. He slowly obeyed after having a few vicious thoughts. He killed the radio just as Luke opened his mouth to say “Morning Jeffery, we gotta’ bad one in there” Luke explained whilst pointing to the multi-story building with broken and boarded up windows behind him. Luke had a very pale face, almost as if he was sick multiple times. Luke was the kind of guy who would spend his weekends working out, trying to enhance his physical image.
After Jeffery downed his double cappuccino, black, with syrup fresh from Starbucks he climbed out of his squad car feeling like a wreck. Jeffery’s marriage was about to end and he had become involved with loan sharks in order to keep up with credit card payments because there were shoes that his wife “just had to have”. He followed Luke towards the building, on first glance Jeffery thought it looked like a disused factory, but it was a very old block of flats. The walls were filled with graffiti and bullet holes. Walking past one of the first floor windows, peering in, Jeffery thought the rooms were inhabitable, in that is, someone emerged from a bed to see what all the commotion was about. Jeffery and Luke opened the door to be greeted by another police woman.
Eliza greeted the two strangers coming through the door with a big fake smile and a hand shake acting like she was pleased to see them. Truth is all CSI dislike the police. Eliza started up a conversation by saying “Bad one up there guys, if you got a weak stomach bring a bag, we are off to floor 12”. All three began to climb the stair after preparing themselves. As the walked past they almost walked square into a small old lady coming down the stairs. After quickly avoiding the collision the trio continued up the stairs further still. Like the walls outside these were filled will graffiti. Jeffery thought he saw a name he recognised then quickly burned the thought. About halfway up they were hit by the smell. Dirty, rotten like smell, could be compared to nothing. It was the unmistakable smell of rotting flesh. Jeffery almost gagged, he had smelt it before but nothing like this. Jeffery though to himself “has the body been dead for weeks?”.
Please imform me of any mistakes or anything.