FUNNY QUOTES

[Kris]

If you have a funny quote post it here!!!

[GommeInc]

I have many that was on my cheap freewebs site. Here they be:

1. Pollution. I don't know, and I don't give a damn!
2. ****o. That's my dogs name!
3. Adultery. An exciting pass time...
4. Hair. What the hell is it?!?
5. Shout. Stop wispering!
6. Never burn the candle at both ends as it will lead to the life of a hairdresser, that and burn marks.
7. Eat right, become fat.
8. If death awaits you tommorrow, hide underneath a cover and scream for roughtly 30 mins.
9. Your shoes can be also used as toilets on the go...
10. Leave it to a helper, get your trusty gun out!
11. Blasphemy. What the hell did you say?
12. Hopscotch is the mating cool for elephants.
13. Ask not for who the bearer tolls, he tolls for thee...
14. I have seen the apocolipse, it is joyful!

Some are rude and maybe blanked

[lil:quizical:quigly]

If I hear another Napolean Dynamite quote I will serisouly shoot myself.

[Convictions]

1. God bless atheism
2. What is arrogant? Thinking you can compete with me.
3. Individualists of the world unite
4. Bad spellers of the world, untie
5. Eat well, keep fit, dont smoke, still die.

[Jim Rotates]

From The Good Girl...

Cheryl: It's called Cric de Face, meaning Circus of the Face. It's all the rage with the frenchies.

And 2 from Jennifer Aniston...

on her pics in Rolling Stone in 1996...
"It's not as if I'm doing Playboy. Centrefold is not going to happen, but I want them to offer me, so I can turn them down!"

After making fun of Briteney Spears on SNL, Jen and Jay talk about making fun of each other...

Jay: Have you ever made fun of me?
Jen: Whaddya mean Jay? Why the long face?

[Cypher-]

Lmao, sorry guys but these arent funny :P

[jesus]

Most quotes from the simpsons are funny, too many to name =]

[Fruitbox.]

Oi!!! Don't hate on Napoleon Dynamite!! Hes the man!!

[Mentor]

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

if my calculations are correct Slinky + Esculator = Everlasting fun

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For many 100's more check out My archive of witty quotes

http://thybag.co.uk/index.php?p=quote
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ps, if u notice teh repate blame lazyness :D

[Wootzeh]

useless football quotes....
Chris Porter scored his first league goal last week, and he's done the same this week. - Jeff Stelling
I'm going to make a prediciton - it could go either way. - Ron Atkinson
hu.mp it, Bump it, whack. That may be a good recipe for a good se.x life but it won't win use the world cup. - Ken Bates
We must have had 99% of the match. It was the other 3% that cost us. - Ruud Gulit
xD

[Smiddy]

"You Know What I Say About People Who Suffer From Asthma, Take a Deep Breath And Get Over It" :p ( I Do Actually Suffer From Asthma Myself so :) )

[Mentor]

You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Only Speak To Me

A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?"

I plan to live forever. So far so good

Murderer? Well, that's a harsh word. I prefer to think of myself as a Mortality Technician.

On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers

Out of my Mind. Back in 5 minutes

Ever stoped the think. And forgot to start again?

I was lost in thought. It was unfamilr territory

Change Is Inevitable, Except From A Vending Machine

Have you ever had deja vu? Have you ever had deja vu??

How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost?

[Convictions]

Dont drink and drive, you might spill your beer
Me suffering from insanity? Nah im loving every minute of it.

The only ones i can find At the Moment.

[Briarleaf]

Those who go to bed with a itchy butt wakes up with a stinky finger!

Quoated by my dad :P

[Mentor]

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck.

98% of the time I'm right...Why worry about the other 3%.

Broken guitar for sale- No strings attached.

If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you.

No I am not paranoid, which one of my enemies told you this?

[Steph]

my mum says im the coolest person she knows...thats probably why she doesnt invite anyone over
not really funny i no lol

[jammy06]

he he my best is "Do i like bothered"

Classic
legend lol

[Fruitbox.]

Haha. My brother told me that once..

[Mentor]

Eat a beaver and save a tree

I love animals, there delicios

Save the whales. Collect the whole set