Naomi
31-10-2006, 04:36 PM
Hey guys, I wrote a story for the Habboween competition but it wasn't chosen, It's called a Burning Flame, read it below pls and post your comments on it. Constructive Critisizm appreciated
It was a night of festivities in Habbo Hotel, Habbos were getting their Costumes on ready for a fantastic night of Trick or Treating, Dionysus was re-adjusting his bunny ears, UkchaserAl was painting his face to make him look like a Frankenpeep and Helkat was singing I'm a little teapot short and stout, all this you would have thought was pretty scary! But no, because tonight was the night when Habbos were tricked, tonight friends and foes together, celebrate Habboween and collect sweet things from Hotel Rooms, like dead ducks.. and Pumpkin Pie.
Allow me to tell you the story of Yorrick, now just a Legendary Flame burning into the darkness on a Habbos Shelf, on the night he was killed, Habboween night, it grew darker, colder, and more weary - the wind blazed through the curtain's and blew the tiny flame out. The light's flashed, the door's slammed and the window's flew open, smashing via the impact... Total darkness, but how did it all start?
He wasn't like every other habbo, he was different. He kept himself alienated from everybody else...His presence felt mysterious. All he had ever wanted in childhood; was a friend, but nobody would look at him, apart from all of the people who stood or sat in awe - staring at him. One day, Yorrick saw a Newspaper Article on Habbo Hotel, Habbos wanted for a Murder Mystery game on Habbo Hotel!it read in Bold Letters, Yorrick, being the rejected extravert that he was couldn't miss out on this opportunity and applied for a position! Two weeks on, and Yorrick sat at his Study Desk, gnawing the tip of his Pencil and there came a flutter through the Letter Box, it was his reply from the Company! Yorrick had been accepted to be a joining member of the Habbo Murder Mystery. The next day, Yorrick was getting ready for the opening, when a thought quickly crossed his mind, he looked at himself in the mirror and grinned callously rubbing his hands together through his fingerless gloves and laughing manically, he put his Habbo Hoodie on, ran out of the front door and quickly scuttled through the Corridors of the Hotel, soon to make his arrival at the Room that this Mystery was to host by. Inside the room there were three other Habbos, Genosis, Rivalry and Wolk They stood talking amongst themselves as Yorrick slipped into the room un-noticed.
The day was nearing to Afternoon by this time, and Yorrick asked Genosis where the lavatories were! She gestured her hand towards the door and offered to show him where their location was, he kindly thanked her and they began walking up the Stairwell to the Upper-Landing, "What's your name?" Asked Yorrick, "My name's Genosis" she replied. They reached the Upper-Landing and Yorrick called out to Genosis to stop, he told her that he had seen something running past in the Corridor, she leaned over to look, but she was quick to learn that this was a mistake as Yorrick pushed her over the banisters leaving her to fall to the floor below, limp, every bone in her body broken, she lay dead on the Dusty Floorboards of the Murder Mystery Parlour. Yorrick grinned and began his walk back down the flight of stairs, as he reached the bottom, he screamed. "Everyone, quick! Genosis is hurt!" he yelled out, sending the other Members rushing in to her Aid, Rivalry checked her pulse, and Wolk put her in the Recovery position, but it was no use... Genosis was dead, forever to roam these Hallways of Habbo, an eternity of lonely nightmares... Reminissing over the poor souls.
The two remaining Habbos stood in the Lounge unaware of what their fate was to be, "Perhaps this is all a mind game?" Guessed Wolk. "Perhaps they're messing with our minds!" Yorrick grinned and held a newspaper over his disorientated figure. "And if it is a Mind game.. Who will be next? Which one of us?" He continued.. "Oh do shut up!" interrupted Yorrick rudely.
Evening soon arrived, and the Four remaining Habbos began to sit down for their Evening Meal, "Mmm, I wonder what we're having to eat!" Called out Wolk.
"I know! I'll just go and ask the Chef if he needs any help, and.. That way we'll know what we're having to eat!" Replied Rivalry quickly. "No! It's okay.. I'll do it" Snapped Yorrick, rising from his seat and walking towards the Kitchen, as he reached the Kitchen Door, he grabbed a bottle from his Pocket, opened it, and dropped two of the droplets onto one of the plates, unaware of which it was.. On the Bottle there was a Label that read 'X2ON'. Yorrick returned to the Dining Hall and told them that they were having Fish and Cabbage for Dinner, they all ghasped in delight, it seemed to be their favourite supper meal. 5 minutes later, the Chef emerged from the Kitchen doors and served the Platters to the Habbos. "Mmm.. Tuck in guys!" Said Wolk, uncannilly, taking a bite of his Fish, he began to choke, and Yorrick once again grinned "That'll teach him" he mumbled under his breath, but Rivalry heard him, and gave him a strange look. Wolk collapsed onto the ground and became breathless, it seemed that Yorrick had poisoned him with the X2ON. Deadly to the touch of the lips, no cure, to be trapped in a tombstone for an eternal rapture.
By this time, Rivalry began to have fear of Yorrick, as he was the only living soul left in the Parlour, he stared over at Yorrick to see that he was poking the Fire with a large metal pole. He stared back at Rivalry and muttered, "It gets awfully cold in these old places, don't you agree?" Rivalry nodded unaware of Yorrick's true intent. Rivalry approached him and asked. "Excuse me, Um.. Yorick? I feel the need to ask, did you kill those Habbos?" He asked with a shuddering voice.
"I beg your pardon? How dare you suggest such a thing! I would never do anything like that!" Snapped Yorrick. Gritting his teeth together.
"Do you think I'm a murderer?!" He continued, approaching Rivalry with the sweltering metal pole glowing Orange from the heat, "DO YOU?!"
"Well you did-" But before he could continue his sentence, Yorrick raised the large pole in the air, and bludgeoned Rivalry with it leaving him falling to the ground motionless.
Now Yorrick was the only Habbo left.. He had killed Genosis, Rivalry, And Wolk, they were never to see the light of day again, they were to be buried the following week, in a tombstone made of Stone, destined only for a death of pain, not even getting to say their final goodbyes... Morning approached, and Yorrick walked out of the unlocked door, leaving the haunting memories behind. Returning to his home, Yorrick once more sat at his desk from whence he came, and picked the pencil again. Positioning the pencil above the paper, ready to write - it snapped. He was baffled, but continued to make several attempts at getting a pencil that wouldn’t break. No matter how lightly he held the pencil, it always snapped. Yorrick didn’t know why it was happening as it was only a few week’s ago he had written his application. Suddenly, there were 3 hard, separated knock’s at the door. He stood slowly and began to walk towards the door. As Yorrick grasped the door**** in his hand, the knock’s stopped…but second’s later, continued on the window. He was stood still, he didn’t have the power to move - he was stiff with fear. *SCREAM* The window’s smashed, wind blazing through the curtain's and blew the tiny flame of the remaining one candle out. The light's flashed, the door's slammed and the other set of window's flew open, smashing via the impact...Total darkness.
There came another loud Scream and the lights came back on, and there lay Yorrick, a knife in his back.. Slammed down on the Table, as a Mysterious Shadow dissappeared through the curtains and away from this world, never to be found again.. Yorrick was to be destined, to be a Burning Flame.. Forever Burning in a Misery of pain and trauma that was to meet the others, Alas.. Poor Yorrick.
Moved by Foxmoth (Forum Moderator) Moved from News and rumours to storys and articles.
It was a night of festivities in Habbo Hotel, Habbos were getting their Costumes on ready for a fantastic night of Trick or Treating, Dionysus was re-adjusting his bunny ears, UkchaserAl was painting his face to make him look like a Frankenpeep and Helkat was singing I'm a little teapot short and stout, all this you would have thought was pretty scary! But no, because tonight was the night when Habbos were tricked, tonight friends and foes together, celebrate Habboween and collect sweet things from Hotel Rooms, like dead ducks.. and Pumpkin Pie.
Allow me to tell you the story of Yorrick, now just a Legendary Flame burning into the darkness on a Habbos Shelf, on the night he was killed, Habboween night, it grew darker, colder, and more weary - the wind blazed through the curtain's and blew the tiny flame out. The light's flashed, the door's slammed and the window's flew open, smashing via the impact... Total darkness, but how did it all start?
He wasn't like every other habbo, he was different. He kept himself alienated from everybody else...His presence felt mysterious. All he had ever wanted in childhood; was a friend, but nobody would look at him, apart from all of the people who stood or sat in awe - staring at him. One day, Yorrick saw a Newspaper Article on Habbo Hotel, Habbos wanted for a Murder Mystery game on Habbo Hotel!it read in Bold Letters, Yorrick, being the rejected extravert that he was couldn't miss out on this opportunity and applied for a position! Two weeks on, and Yorrick sat at his Study Desk, gnawing the tip of his Pencil and there came a flutter through the Letter Box, it was his reply from the Company! Yorrick had been accepted to be a joining member of the Habbo Murder Mystery. The next day, Yorrick was getting ready for the opening, when a thought quickly crossed his mind, he looked at himself in the mirror and grinned callously rubbing his hands together through his fingerless gloves and laughing manically, he put his Habbo Hoodie on, ran out of the front door and quickly scuttled through the Corridors of the Hotel, soon to make his arrival at the Room that this Mystery was to host by. Inside the room there were three other Habbos, Genosis, Rivalry and Wolk They stood talking amongst themselves as Yorrick slipped into the room un-noticed.
The day was nearing to Afternoon by this time, and Yorrick asked Genosis where the lavatories were! She gestured her hand towards the door and offered to show him where their location was, he kindly thanked her and they began walking up the Stairwell to the Upper-Landing, "What's your name?" Asked Yorrick, "My name's Genosis" she replied. They reached the Upper-Landing and Yorrick called out to Genosis to stop, he told her that he had seen something running past in the Corridor, she leaned over to look, but she was quick to learn that this was a mistake as Yorrick pushed her over the banisters leaving her to fall to the floor below, limp, every bone in her body broken, she lay dead on the Dusty Floorboards of the Murder Mystery Parlour. Yorrick grinned and began his walk back down the flight of stairs, as he reached the bottom, he screamed. "Everyone, quick! Genosis is hurt!" he yelled out, sending the other Members rushing in to her Aid, Rivalry checked her pulse, and Wolk put her in the Recovery position, but it was no use... Genosis was dead, forever to roam these Hallways of Habbo, an eternity of lonely nightmares... Reminissing over the poor souls.
The two remaining Habbos stood in the Lounge unaware of what their fate was to be, "Perhaps this is all a mind game?" Guessed Wolk. "Perhaps they're messing with our minds!" Yorrick grinned and held a newspaper over his disorientated figure. "And if it is a Mind game.. Who will be next? Which one of us?" He continued.. "Oh do shut up!" interrupted Yorrick rudely.
Evening soon arrived, and the Four remaining Habbos began to sit down for their Evening Meal, "Mmm, I wonder what we're having to eat!" Called out Wolk.
"I know! I'll just go and ask the Chef if he needs any help, and.. That way we'll know what we're having to eat!" Replied Rivalry quickly. "No! It's okay.. I'll do it" Snapped Yorrick, rising from his seat and walking towards the Kitchen, as he reached the Kitchen Door, he grabbed a bottle from his Pocket, opened it, and dropped two of the droplets onto one of the plates, unaware of which it was.. On the Bottle there was a Label that read 'X2ON'. Yorrick returned to the Dining Hall and told them that they were having Fish and Cabbage for Dinner, they all ghasped in delight, it seemed to be their favourite supper meal. 5 minutes later, the Chef emerged from the Kitchen doors and served the Platters to the Habbos. "Mmm.. Tuck in guys!" Said Wolk, uncannilly, taking a bite of his Fish, he began to choke, and Yorrick once again grinned "That'll teach him" he mumbled under his breath, but Rivalry heard him, and gave him a strange look. Wolk collapsed onto the ground and became breathless, it seemed that Yorrick had poisoned him with the X2ON. Deadly to the touch of the lips, no cure, to be trapped in a tombstone for an eternal rapture.
By this time, Rivalry began to have fear of Yorrick, as he was the only living soul left in the Parlour, he stared over at Yorrick to see that he was poking the Fire with a large metal pole. He stared back at Rivalry and muttered, "It gets awfully cold in these old places, don't you agree?" Rivalry nodded unaware of Yorrick's true intent. Rivalry approached him and asked. "Excuse me, Um.. Yorick? I feel the need to ask, did you kill those Habbos?" He asked with a shuddering voice.
"I beg your pardon? How dare you suggest such a thing! I would never do anything like that!" Snapped Yorrick. Gritting his teeth together.
"Do you think I'm a murderer?!" He continued, approaching Rivalry with the sweltering metal pole glowing Orange from the heat, "DO YOU?!"
"Well you did-" But before he could continue his sentence, Yorrick raised the large pole in the air, and bludgeoned Rivalry with it leaving him falling to the ground motionless.
Now Yorrick was the only Habbo left.. He had killed Genosis, Rivalry, And Wolk, they were never to see the light of day again, they were to be buried the following week, in a tombstone made of Stone, destined only for a death of pain, not even getting to say their final goodbyes... Morning approached, and Yorrick walked out of the unlocked door, leaving the haunting memories behind. Returning to his home, Yorrick once more sat at his desk from whence he came, and picked the pencil again. Positioning the pencil above the paper, ready to write - it snapped. He was baffled, but continued to make several attempts at getting a pencil that wouldn’t break. No matter how lightly he held the pencil, it always snapped. Yorrick didn’t know why it was happening as it was only a few week’s ago he had written his application. Suddenly, there were 3 hard, separated knock’s at the door. He stood slowly and began to walk towards the door. As Yorrick grasped the door**** in his hand, the knock’s stopped…but second’s later, continued on the window. He was stood still, he didn’t have the power to move - he was stiff with fear. *SCREAM* The window’s smashed, wind blazing through the curtain's and blew the tiny flame of the remaining one candle out. The light's flashed, the door's slammed and the other set of window's flew open, smashing via the impact...Total darkness.
There came another loud Scream and the lights came back on, and there lay Yorrick, a knife in his back.. Slammed down on the Table, as a Mysterious Shadow dissappeared through the curtains and away from this world, never to be found again.. Yorrick was to be destined, to be a Burning Flame.. Forever Burning in a Misery of pain and trauma that was to meet the others, Alas.. Poor Yorrick.
Moved by Foxmoth (Forum Moderator) Moved from News and rumours to storys and articles.