Jacko2kn3
24-03-2005, 06:26 PM
Few things about this story:
1) I am 15. This is not going to match the 'par' of todays excellent authors such as Dan Brown, JK Rowling, or even the greats like JRR Tolkein etc.
2) This IS done for fun, no other reason. Chances I'll get bored, forget etc. as I do all the time. I will try and keep this going.
3) Comments are welcome. I have to wait three days before I can post it on Fictionpress.com, for account verification etc. Please do not say "A typo mistake there/bad english there/whatever". If I do write something which has errors please PM me about it.
4) Constructive critism is welcome. If you post "omg your story is rubbish" that is really helpful. I'm warning you now:
It is FANTASY genre, meaning if you are not into fantasy the read it by all means, but if you do not like it don't post "Its rubbish 'cause fantasy stories stink".
I currently do not have a title, PM me for any ideas, although it'd be very hard without knowing the plot. Heck I don't even know the plot fully. Here it goes, like it or not, here is my story so fantastically titled "Story1".
Chapter 1 – A Demonic Intrusion
Five flickering shadows of five weary adventurers bobbed down the dark tunnel. The grimy brown walls were lined with wooden torches. The flames didn’t move when the party walked past. Perfectly still, they enhanced the fact that they were so far from ground level, no wind could reach them. The hard floor hurt the soles of their feet, but they kept moving down the ever declining tunnel.
“This way,” The leader whispered, quickening his pace.
He wore huge plate mail armour, and had a two handed sword inside the sheath on his back. His light blue eyes glanced back at his four comrades. He was tired, exhausted even, but their quest was nearly over. Behind him ran Linia, beautiful but deadly, she was high up in the Thieves Guild. Dressed in black dyed leather she could easily disappear into the shadows at will. In one hand she held her shortbow, while the other loitered near the dagger sheath attached to her belt. Behind her was Drendan, a wise elven mage. The cowl of his cloak covered his hair, and drowned the features on his face in the shadows. He carried no weapons that anyone knew about, apart from his magic. His long, green robe hung loosely off his body. Next in line was Mantanar. He was a strong warrior, and like his companion leading the party, he was covered in plate mail armour. He carried a huge morningstar in his hands. Even for a man of his strength he still had to put some effort into lifting the gigantic weapon. Finally came Ivelliis, a young elven archer. His dirt covered cloak was wrapped around him, clasped near his neck. His long, brown hair trailed down his back in a thin ponytail. Nervous and alert Ivelliis held his bow with an iron grip. As they reached a turn in the corridor the sound of chanting, shouting and laughter echoed towards them.
“Arvon stop,” Linia whispered, “They are just ahead, let me go, I can sneak around the corner and see how many are there.”
The leader stopped in his tracks, and turned to Linia. Without saying a word he shook his head, and continued on. Linia, totally baffled by Arvon’s determination, did the only thing possible. Grabbing his leg she pulled him back, causing him to slip.
“What was that?” A rough voice asked. It came from down the tunnel.
“How am I supposed to knows? Go checks it out, stupid!” Another said.
“Hide!” Mantanar whispered urgently.
Linia helped Arvon to his feet, and helped him hide in a crevice in the wall. The other three quickly hid; Mantanar in a crevice on the opposite side of the wall, Drendan also in a crevice, and Ivelliis behind a huge stalagmite. The orc who had been sent to search walked around the corner. Too lazy to thoroughly check the corridor he turned around and walked back. Linia stepped into the shadows and followed him. As she stepped around the corner she gasped. Luckily the orcs never noticed, but the sight had shocked her. Hundreds of orcs were stood, listening to the words of another orc shouting. The preaching leader stood atop a huge platform, with two guards standing next to him.
“And the humans, elves, dwarves, gnomes, all are evil! They do not understand we want to make peace, and live together.”
He paused for a second; “Therefore they must die!”
All of the orcs shouted excitedly. The prospect of death which wasn’t theirs obviously appealed to them. Linia rolled her eyes.
“That was contradicting. We shall live in peace, but first let’s kill most other races in the world,” She thought to herself.
“We shall lead a holy war, to the great Gods themselves, and destroy everyone. Then we will take control of the cities, and be free from human prejudice!” The orc leader continued.
“Since when do orcs know words like prejudice?” Linia thought. Something was wrong, very wrong.
She snuck back to where her comrades were hiding, and told them what happened.
“What do we do?” Drendan asked after she had finished, “As much as I think we are more experienced than the average hero, I don’t think we can take on a room of hundreds war-driven-crazy orcs.”
“I’m not saying we do, but if we take out the leader, then they’ll become unorganised. We could either finish most of them off as they fret between themselves, or escape and kill them at a later date,” Mantanar suggested.
Everyone looked at him with confused faces.
“Where did that idea come from? And I thought you were all run in and kill,” Arvon asked.
“There is always plan b,” Mantanar said with a wink.
After quietly discussing tactics for a few more minutes they decided on Linia sneaking up to the leader, so she was in range with her throwing daggers, Ivelliis and Drendan giving support from behind them, and Arvon and Mantanar attacking if things got messy.
“Not much of a tactic,” Drendan mumbled.
“If we get out of this alive we’ll be heroes, think of that,” Arvon whispered with a smile.
Ivelliis and Drendan took place behind a group of rocks. If need be they could quickly make their way up the tunnel, although their chances of getting out alive were slim. Arvon and Mantanar hid in crevices again, just out of sight of the orcs. Linia started to creep up towards the platform. The huge chamber had banners hanging from the ceiling. A blood red axe dominated the banner, with icicles and frost hanging off it.
“Wonder what it means?” Linia asked herself.
“The orcs of the Frozen Axe will prevale!” Shouted the leader.
“Guess that explains it then,” Linia thought, chuckling in her mind.
“Although today we have a special guest,” The leader shouted.
Linia stopped and stared at the stage. She was in a perfect position to hide, but needed to edge a little closer to be in range, and even then there was a chance of her missing. She needed to be right up close to get a direct hit, preferably from behind. She started to move again, but stopped dead in her tracks. Onto the stage walked a huge abyssal demon. It was dark red, close to maroon, in colour. Its huge horns cast huge shadows on the walls. It looked like a deformed, crossbred, elf. It had pointy ears, and a large nose. Its mouth was open, laughing, large, pointed teeth glaring out. Thrusting its arms in the air to show its strength, it clapped its hooves on the floor.
“I give you,” The orc leader shouted, “Hz'ketzol!”
The orcs cheered while Hz'ketzol stood on the stage, loving the attention.
“Zenmoth, you are foolish to think of invoking a demon such as me,” Hz'ketzol said laughing. Tears were coming to it’s eyes, his thin pupils pinpointing to the back of the room. Zenmoth’s grin disappeared, and all the orcs turned around. Linia look back and her jaw dropped. Mantanar stepped from the back of the room, walking through the quickly parting sea of orcs.
“Mantanar, that betrayer!” Linia thought furiously.
“Linia!” He shouted, still carrying his morningstar in two hands, “Come out. The battle is lost. Arvon, Drendan and Ivelliis are dead.”
She didn’t move, staying in the shadows. She wouldn’t pierce his armour, and assumed that Hz'ketzol would kill the orc leader, she could only escape.
“And don’t even think about escaping. I’ve got orcs guarding all exits, not even the shadows can save you now,” Mantanar laughed.
He reached the stage, and ordered Hz'ketzol to kill the orc leader. Quickly and merciless he swept his clawed hand at Zenmoth, who flew across the room like he weighed nothing. The orcs, too scared to say anything, stood in silence.
“Now. I shall be your leader, and I shall lead you to war with the humans. Pillaging, killing, destroying, who needs a life of peace when you can have a life of war, and be rich beyond your wildest dreams?” Mantanar shouted, forgetting about Linia, “Hz'ketzol shall also be your leader, and I’m sure even you orcs know you should always take orders from a demon.”
“ He should know that demon is going to stab him in the back, just like he did to the orc,” Linia thought.
Her mind quickly went to the safety of her companions. Were they really dead, or was it a bluff? There was only one way to find out. She quietly crept back towards the entrance to the chamber.
“Stay there elf,” Hz'ketzol shouted, “We are not finished with you yet.”
“Of course,” Linia thought, “Demons can see me hiding in the shadows.”
She cursed herself for her stupidity, but luckily it saved her. Without the stupid side of her, she would have never done what she did next. Breaking into a full on sprint she ran down the side of the chamber. Oddly the orcs just stood there, eyes fixed on their new leader.
“Don’t just stand there, kill her!” Mantanar ordered, but Linia was gone, into the tunnel. The orcs that followed her stopped and wondered where she had gone. Only three had made the effort to give chase.
“Look, another elf. This one is living, just knocked out, and hurted,” One of them said.
“Ivelliis,” Linia thought as she hid in the shadows.
Without thinking she threw her dagger at the orc, striking him in the back of the head. She took out another, and hit the second orc as he turned around. Weaponless, she ran at the remaining orc and tried to push him over. To no effect, the other orc swung his short sword at her, which was a foot or so away from her. She retreated, and grabbed the two daggers from the orcs. Quickly throwing them both, they struck him in the chest and the arm. As he went to swing his short sword for the second time Linia pushed the dagger in his chest. Silently the orc stopped living, and collapsed to the floor. She ran over to Drendan, and Arvon, who were lying dead on the floor. Arvon’s armour was dented badly, and pierced in some places, at the back, while Drendan’s body was bent forwards, his back in an awkward position. Ivelliis, on the other hand, lay on the floor, half under Drendan. She grabbed the daggers and approached Ivelliis’s body, pushing Drendan off in a hurry.
“I’m sorry you cannot be buried as you deserve my friends. I’ll find the full story out later, now I have to get out of here,” Linia said quietly.
She bent down to pick up Ivelliis, and he shuffled his body.
“Ivelliis stop being awkward and get up!” She urged to no avail.
“Fine, we’ll do it the hard way,” She muttered as she picked him up a second time, threw him over her shoulders, and ran on.
“How the orcs haven’t heard me I do not know,” She said, as she ran further and further up the tunnel, “And they can’t all be in the chamber, can they?”
Halfway back to the surface exhaustion kicked in.
“When did Ivelliis get so heavy?” She asked herself, taking a breath after every word.
“Urmmm, what, where am I?” Ivelliis asked suddenly.
Linia was taken by surprise, and dropped Ivelliis onto the floor.
“What was that for?” He asked groggily.
“You were knocked out. Arvon and Drendan are dead, Mantanar is the new leader of the orcs, along with a demon. We, on the other hand, are making our escape,” Linia explained, “Now get up and lets get a move on!”
Ivelliis struggled to get to his feet.
“Well that explains it then,” Ivelliis muttered as he started to follow Linia down the tunnel.
“Explains what?”
“Explains why Mantanar was swinging his morningstar about close to Arvon and Drendan.”
“Then why weren’t you killed?” Linia questioned, quickening her pace to a jog.
“Well he hit Drendan, who flew across the tunnel and hit me, squashing me. Must have thought I would have died from the impact. Silly for not checking I was dead.”
Linia nodded as Ivelliis caught up. A light wind blew onto their faces, refreshing them.
“We are nearing the exit,” Linia murmured, “Let’s hurry. Quicker we can get out, the quicker we can get sorted and think what to do again.”
They continued up the tunnel, getting closer and closer to the exit, and their next problem.
1) I am 15. This is not going to match the 'par' of todays excellent authors such as Dan Brown, JK Rowling, or even the greats like JRR Tolkein etc.
2) This IS done for fun, no other reason. Chances I'll get bored, forget etc. as I do all the time. I will try and keep this going.
3) Comments are welcome. I have to wait three days before I can post it on Fictionpress.com, for account verification etc. Please do not say "A typo mistake there/bad english there/whatever". If I do write something which has errors please PM me about it.
4) Constructive critism is welcome. If you post "omg your story is rubbish" that is really helpful. I'm warning you now:
It is FANTASY genre, meaning if you are not into fantasy the read it by all means, but if you do not like it don't post "Its rubbish 'cause fantasy stories stink".
I currently do not have a title, PM me for any ideas, although it'd be very hard without knowing the plot. Heck I don't even know the plot fully. Here it goes, like it or not, here is my story so fantastically titled "Story1".
Chapter 1 – A Demonic Intrusion
Five flickering shadows of five weary adventurers bobbed down the dark tunnel. The grimy brown walls were lined with wooden torches. The flames didn’t move when the party walked past. Perfectly still, they enhanced the fact that they were so far from ground level, no wind could reach them. The hard floor hurt the soles of their feet, but they kept moving down the ever declining tunnel.
“This way,” The leader whispered, quickening his pace.
He wore huge plate mail armour, and had a two handed sword inside the sheath on his back. His light blue eyes glanced back at his four comrades. He was tired, exhausted even, but their quest was nearly over. Behind him ran Linia, beautiful but deadly, she was high up in the Thieves Guild. Dressed in black dyed leather she could easily disappear into the shadows at will. In one hand she held her shortbow, while the other loitered near the dagger sheath attached to her belt. Behind her was Drendan, a wise elven mage. The cowl of his cloak covered his hair, and drowned the features on his face in the shadows. He carried no weapons that anyone knew about, apart from his magic. His long, green robe hung loosely off his body. Next in line was Mantanar. He was a strong warrior, and like his companion leading the party, he was covered in plate mail armour. He carried a huge morningstar in his hands. Even for a man of his strength he still had to put some effort into lifting the gigantic weapon. Finally came Ivelliis, a young elven archer. His dirt covered cloak was wrapped around him, clasped near his neck. His long, brown hair trailed down his back in a thin ponytail. Nervous and alert Ivelliis held his bow with an iron grip. As they reached a turn in the corridor the sound of chanting, shouting and laughter echoed towards them.
“Arvon stop,” Linia whispered, “They are just ahead, let me go, I can sneak around the corner and see how many are there.”
The leader stopped in his tracks, and turned to Linia. Without saying a word he shook his head, and continued on. Linia, totally baffled by Arvon’s determination, did the only thing possible. Grabbing his leg she pulled him back, causing him to slip.
“What was that?” A rough voice asked. It came from down the tunnel.
“How am I supposed to knows? Go checks it out, stupid!” Another said.
“Hide!” Mantanar whispered urgently.
Linia helped Arvon to his feet, and helped him hide in a crevice in the wall. The other three quickly hid; Mantanar in a crevice on the opposite side of the wall, Drendan also in a crevice, and Ivelliis behind a huge stalagmite. The orc who had been sent to search walked around the corner. Too lazy to thoroughly check the corridor he turned around and walked back. Linia stepped into the shadows and followed him. As she stepped around the corner she gasped. Luckily the orcs never noticed, but the sight had shocked her. Hundreds of orcs were stood, listening to the words of another orc shouting. The preaching leader stood atop a huge platform, with two guards standing next to him.
“And the humans, elves, dwarves, gnomes, all are evil! They do not understand we want to make peace, and live together.”
He paused for a second; “Therefore they must die!”
All of the orcs shouted excitedly. The prospect of death which wasn’t theirs obviously appealed to them. Linia rolled her eyes.
“That was contradicting. We shall live in peace, but first let’s kill most other races in the world,” She thought to herself.
“We shall lead a holy war, to the great Gods themselves, and destroy everyone. Then we will take control of the cities, and be free from human prejudice!” The orc leader continued.
“Since when do orcs know words like prejudice?” Linia thought. Something was wrong, very wrong.
She snuck back to where her comrades were hiding, and told them what happened.
“What do we do?” Drendan asked after she had finished, “As much as I think we are more experienced than the average hero, I don’t think we can take on a room of hundreds war-driven-crazy orcs.”
“I’m not saying we do, but if we take out the leader, then they’ll become unorganised. We could either finish most of them off as they fret between themselves, or escape and kill them at a later date,” Mantanar suggested.
Everyone looked at him with confused faces.
“Where did that idea come from? And I thought you were all run in and kill,” Arvon asked.
“There is always plan b,” Mantanar said with a wink.
After quietly discussing tactics for a few more minutes they decided on Linia sneaking up to the leader, so she was in range with her throwing daggers, Ivelliis and Drendan giving support from behind them, and Arvon and Mantanar attacking if things got messy.
“Not much of a tactic,” Drendan mumbled.
“If we get out of this alive we’ll be heroes, think of that,” Arvon whispered with a smile.
Ivelliis and Drendan took place behind a group of rocks. If need be they could quickly make their way up the tunnel, although their chances of getting out alive were slim. Arvon and Mantanar hid in crevices again, just out of sight of the orcs. Linia started to creep up towards the platform. The huge chamber had banners hanging from the ceiling. A blood red axe dominated the banner, with icicles and frost hanging off it.
“Wonder what it means?” Linia asked herself.
“The orcs of the Frozen Axe will prevale!” Shouted the leader.
“Guess that explains it then,” Linia thought, chuckling in her mind.
“Although today we have a special guest,” The leader shouted.
Linia stopped and stared at the stage. She was in a perfect position to hide, but needed to edge a little closer to be in range, and even then there was a chance of her missing. She needed to be right up close to get a direct hit, preferably from behind. She started to move again, but stopped dead in her tracks. Onto the stage walked a huge abyssal demon. It was dark red, close to maroon, in colour. Its huge horns cast huge shadows on the walls. It looked like a deformed, crossbred, elf. It had pointy ears, and a large nose. Its mouth was open, laughing, large, pointed teeth glaring out. Thrusting its arms in the air to show its strength, it clapped its hooves on the floor.
“I give you,” The orc leader shouted, “Hz'ketzol!”
The orcs cheered while Hz'ketzol stood on the stage, loving the attention.
“Zenmoth, you are foolish to think of invoking a demon such as me,” Hz'ketzol said laughing. Tears were coming to it’s eyes, his thin pupils pinpointing to the back of the room. Zenmoth’s grin disappeared, and all the orcs turned around. Linia look back and her jaw dropped. Mantanar stepped from the back of the room, walking through the quickly parting sea of orcs.
“Mantanar, that betrayer!” Linia thought furiously.
“Linia!” He shouted, still carrying his morningstar in two hands, “Come out. The battle is lost. Arvon, Drendan and Ivelliis are dead.”
She didn’t move, staying in the shadows. She wouldn’t pierce his armour, and assumed that Hz'ketzol would kill the orc leader, she could only escape.
“And don’t even think about escaping. I’ve got orcs guarding all exits, not even the shadows can save you now,” Mantanar laughed.
He reached the stage, and ordered Hz'ketzol to kill the orc leader. Quickly and merciless he swept his clawed hand at Zenmoth, who flew across the room like he weighed nothing. The orcs, too scared to say anything, stood in silence.
“Now. I shall be your leader, and I shall lead you to war with the humans. Pillaging, killing, destroying, who needs a life of peace when you can have a life of war, and be rich beyond your wildest dreams?” Mantanar shouted, forgetting about Linia, “Hz'ketzol shall also be your leader, and I’m sure even you orcs know you should always take orders from a demon.”
“ He should know that demon is going to stab him in the back, just like he did to the orc,” Linia thought.
Her mind quickly went to the safety of her companions. Were they really dead, or was it a bluff? There was only one way to find out. She quietly crept back towards the entrance to the chamber.
“Stay there elf,” Hz'ketzol shouted, “We are not finished with you yet.”
“Of course,” Linia thought, “Demons can see me hiding in the shadows.”
She cursed herself for her stupidity, but luckily it saved her. Without the stupid side of her, she would have never done what she did next. Breaking into a full on sprint she ran down the side of the chamber. Oddly the orcs just stood there, eyes fixed on their new leader.
“Don’t just stand there, kill her!” Mantanar ordered, but Linia was gone, into the tunnel. The orcs that followed her stopped and wondered where she had gone. Only three had made the effort to give chase.
“Look, another elf. This one is living, just knocked out, and hurted,” One of them said.
“Ivelliis,” Linia thought as she hid in the shadows.
Without thinking she threw her dagger at the orc, striking him in the back of the head. She took out another, and hit the second orc as he turned around. Weaponless, she ran at the remaining orc and tried to push him over. To no effect, the other orc swung his short sword at her, which was a foot or so away from her. She retreated, and grabbed the two daggers from the orcs. Quickly throwing them both, they struck him in the chest and the arm. As he went to swing his short sword for the second time Linia pushed the dagger in his chest. Silently the orc stopped living, and collapsed to the floor. She ran over to Drendan, and Arvon, who were lying dead on the floor. Arvon’s armour was dented badly, and pierced in some places, at the back, while Drendan’s body was bent forwards, his back in an awkward position. Ivelliis, on the other hand, lay on the floor, half under Drendan. She grabbed the daggers and approached Ivelliis’s body, pushing Drendan off in a hurry.
“I’m sorry you cannot be buried as you deserve my friends. I’ll find the full story out later, now I have to get out of here,” Linia said quietly.
She bent down to pick up Ivelliis, and he shuffled his body.
“Ivelliis stop being awkward and get up!” She urged to no avail.
“Fine, we’ll do it the hard way,” She muttered as she picked him up a second time, threw him over her shoulders, and ran on.
“How the orcs haven’t heard me I do not know,” She said, as she ran further and further up the tunnel, “And they can’t all be in the chamber, can they?”
Halfway back to the surface exhaustion kicked in.
“When did Ivelliis get so heavy?” She asked herself, taking a breath after every word.
“Urmmm, what, where am I?” Ivelliis asked suddenly.
Linia was taken by surprise, and dropped Ivelliis onto the floor.
“What was that for?” He asked groggily.
“You were knocked out. Arvon and Drendan are dead, Mantanar is the new leader of the orcs, along with a demon. We, on the other hand, are making our escape,” Linia explained, “Now get up and lets get a move on!”
Ivelliis struggled to get to his feet.
“Well that explains it then,” Ivelliis muttered as he started to follow Linia down the tunnel.
“Explains what?”
“Explains why Mantanar was swinging his morningstar about close to Arvon and Drendan.”
“Then why weren’t you killed?” Linia questioned, quickening her pace to a jog.
“Well he hit Drendan, who flew across the tunnel and hit me, squashing me. Must have thought I would have died from the impact. Silly for not checking I was dead.”
Linia nodded as Ivelliis caught up. A light wind blew onto their faces, refreshing them.
“We are nearing the exit,” Linia murmured, “Let’s hurry. Quicker we can get out, the quicker we can get sorted and think what to do again.”
They continued up the tunnel, getting closer and closer to the exit, and their next problem.