benjamin
03-12-2006, 12:21 AM
I've seen a lot of threads about this, and I hope this will help many of you who are seeking advice about coming out to your friends/family/loved ones. Everyone knows that this isn't an easy thing to do, but everyone also knows that it has to be done sooner or later.
First of all, before you tell anyone, you have to make sure it isn't a phase. Reason being; if you decide to go mouthing it off you're gay/bisexual/lesbian, and then a few weeks/months down the line you figure out you're not, and it was just hormones, you might feel a bit stupid ;). Apparantly, a lot of people go through a stage like this, normally in their early teens, anything from 11 - 14. You may look at the same gender in a different way, but don't jump to conclusions. Also, this can be a lot to digest all in one go, you may be in denial too. But I'd say, once you reach the age of 14/15, and you still have these feelings, it's pretty safe to make up your mind on your sexuality.
Now, once you've got that out of the way and done with, there is the thing about being ready to tell people. People may wait a few weeks, months, or even years to tell their loved ones about their sexuality. In the early stages of coming to terms with it, you will probably face being indenial. I'm pretty sure this happens to basically everyone in the same situation - I know it did with me. This isn't nothing to worry about.
Now we get on to the part of actually telling people, when you feel good and ready. As you're reading this, I gather that you are either a member of this forum, or use Habbo. Well, as a starting point of telling people, I found that telling friends off the internet was always the best way to get the ball rolling. You may think that everyone will make you an outsider, and dislike you. But I can assure you, there arn't actually very many people who are like that. They usually show up infront of other friends, or just use the term 'gay' in a different way as they've been brought up like that, and it's a habbit. Ok, now onto telling people from r/l. I found it 10 times easier to tell a friend first, rather than family. If possible, I wouldn't reccomend doing it face to face, as they most probably will be a bit shocked, and say somthing they don't mean - It's been known to happen. I'd either say it over msn, or text. Let them have some time for it to sink in. Most friends often don't pick up on this factor of you being gay/bisexual/lesbian, you may think to yourself you seem 'camp' or somthing along those lines, but your friends have known you for a long time, and they don't notice it. That is if you are camp :] But word of warning here, this is where bigger problems could arise, rather than telling internet friends. You must make sure you tell someone you can trust, and someone who will not mind about your sexual orientation. Once you have told your first person, believe me, it becomes easier.
Telling family is always the hardest thing to do, as normally you just seem closer to your friends rather than family - In certain perspectives anyway. Some people find family the hardest of all to tell, as you've known them all your life. The people you've known the longest are always the harder ones to tell. Also, some people may think that they have a homophobic dad, with the comments they sometimes make, people often think that. But a lot changes when it's their son/daughter in the situation. They practically have to change their views/opinions on them. I very much doubt your parents would disown you for anything like this. Ok, well, people normally find it easier to tell their mum first, a mothers love is unconditional, nothing will change that. But if you don't feel you can tell her straight up, (I don't think this is the sort of person you can tell over msn, your parents probably don't have it :]) but, maybe leave some sort of subtle hints. This may seem stupid and as if it will never work, but it usually does. It's always easier for you if your mum or dad (or friend for that matter), asks you sensibly (not in a messing around way - if a friend) if you are gay/bisexual or whatever it may be.
If you need further help, feel free to Private Message me whenever, I will get back to you as soon as possible. Or you could post a thread here and try and get help.
If you feel that you're not ready to post it here, or talk to me. I suggest you could use this site, and remain anonymouse with your questions. http://www.teenhelp.org/ They give brilliant, professional advice in a plesant manner.
Been wanting to get to know other people who may be in your situation, or maybe just for a chat? Then I reccomend checking out www.TheGYC.com - The Gay Youth Community forum is a great site, it has a profile section where you can browse through members by sexual orientation and location etc. and also has chatrooms and a forum for people to ask questions concerning different matters and generally just for a chat. The site is really popular and has a very good team of staff and a lot of deddicated members who are brilliant when it comes to advice.
I reccomend checking it out :)
A few useful links -
Do you think you might be gay? (http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/0-9/4health/sex/lgb_comingout.html)
What it means to be biseuxal. (http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/0-9/4health/sex/lgb_bisexual.html)
Gay parenting (http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/0-9/4health/sex/lgb_effects.html)
Thanks for reading :]
Edited by ---MAD--- (Forum Administrator): Good guide, thread stuck. Thanks :).
First of all, before you tell anyone, you have to make sure it isn't a phase. Reason being; if you decide to go mouthing it off you're gay/bisexual/lesbian, and then a few weeks/months down the line you figure out you're not, and it was just hormones, you might feel a bit stupid ;). Apparantly, a lot of people go through a stage like this, normally in their early teens, anything from 11 - 14. You may look at the same gender in a different way, but don't jump to conclusions. Also, this can be a lot to digest all in one go, you may be in denial too. But I'd say, once you reach the age of 14/15, and you still have these feelings, it's pretty safe to make up your mind on your sexuality.
Now, once you've got that out of the way and done with, there is the thing about being ready to tell people. People may wait a few weeks, months, or even years to tell their loved ones about their sexuality. In the early stages of coming to terms with it, you will probably face being indenial. I'm pretty sure this happens to basically everyone in the same situation - I know it did with me. This isn't nothing to worry about.
Now we get on to the part of actually telling people, when you feel good and ready. As you're reading this, I gather that you are either a member of this forum, or use Habbo. Well, as a starting point of telling people, I found that telling friends off the internet was always the best way to get the ball rolling. You may think that everyone will make you an outsider, and dislike you. But I can assure you, there arn't actually very many people who are like that. They usually show up infront of other friends, or just use the term 'gay' in a different way as they've been brought up like that, and it's a habbit. Ok, now onto telling people from r/l. I found it 10 times easier to tell a friend first, rather than family. If possible, I wouldn't reccomend doing it face to face, as they most probably will be a bit shocked, and say somthing they don't mean - It's been known to happen. I'd either say it over msn, or text. Let them have some time for it to sink in. Most friends often don't pick up on this factor of you being gay/bisexual/lesbian, you may think to yourself you seem 'camp' or somthing along those lines, but your friends have known you for a long time, and they don't notice it. That is if you are camp :] But word of warning here, this is where bigger problems could arise, rather than telling internet friends. You must make sure you tell someone you can trust, and someone who will not mind about your sexual orientation. Once you have told your first person, believe me, it becomes easier.
Telling family is always the hardest thing to do, as normally you just seem closer to your friends rather than family - In certain perspectives anyway. Some people find family the hardest of all to tell, as you've known them all your life. The people you've known the longest are always the harder ones to tell. Also, some people may think that they have a homophobic dad, with the comments they sometimes make, people often think that. But a lot changes when it's their son/daughter in the situation. They practically have to change their views/opinions on them. I very much doubt your parents would disown you for anything like this. Ok, well, people normally find it easier to tell their mum first, a mothers love is unconditional, nothing will change that. But if you don't feel you can tell her straight up, (I don't think this is the sort of person you can tell over msn, your parents probably don't have it :]) but, maybe leave some sort of subtle hints. This may seem stupid and as if it will never work, but it usually does. It's always easier for you if your mum or dad (or friend for that matter), asks you sensibly (not in a messing around way - if a friend) if you are gay/bisexual or whatever it may be.
If you need further help, feel free to Private Message me whenever, I will get back to you as soon as possible. Or you could post a thread here and try and get help.
If you feel that you're not ready to post it here, or talk to me. I suggest you could use this site, and remain anonymouse with your questions. http://www.teenhelp.org/ They give brilliant, professional advice in a plesant manner.
Been wanting to get to know other people who may be in your situation, or maybe just for a chat? Then I reccomend checking out www.TheGYC.com - The Gay Youth Community forum is a great site, it has a profile section where you can browse through members by sexual orientation and location etc. and also has chatrooms and a forum for people to ask questions concerning different matters and generally just for a chat. The site is really popular and has a very good team of staff and a lot of deddicated members who are brilliant when it comes to advice.
I reccomend checking it out :)
A few useful links -
Do you think you might be gay? (http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/0-9/4health/sex/lgb_comingout.html)
What it means to be biseuxal. (http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/0-9/4health/sex/lgb_bisexual.html)
Gay parenting (http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/0-9/4health/sex/lgb_effects.html)
Thanks for reading :]
Edited by ---MAD--- (Forum Administrator): Good guide, thread stuck. Thanks :).