Briarleaf
06-04-2005, 01:02 AM
I don't think i won the easter competition but i would like some advice on my story anyway. Please tell me it it's any good and if not what i could do to improve it. Thanks. :)
Once upon a time in a rabbit hole far under underground, there lived a bunny - the one and only Easter Bunny. She was a very caring, considerate bunny, and she liked to make Habbos happy by giving them eggs. One day, there was a knock on the door. It was Callie!
"Hello" said Callie. "I have something to tell you" she explained. "Oh right, come on in then!" said the Easter Bunny. "Is it good news?" she asked excitedly. "Yes, yes it is great news!" Callie bounced with excitement...
Callie said...
"I took the liberty of delivering all the Easter eggs to every habbo in the hotel! Now you have more time to rest!"
"Thank you so much!" the Easter bunny said gleefully. "Now I can start on next years colorful Easter baskets!"
"Ummm... Colorful?" The Easter bunny noticed the confused look on Callie's face.
"The Easter baskets I delivered where very dull and made of tin"
'EEEK!" cried the Easter bunny. Those weren't Easter baskets! Those where trash cans filled with rotten eggs!"
"Oh No!" cried Callie' "Easter is almost here, whatever shall we do?"
Just then the door burst open and a flurry of zombies and samurai filled the room with non stop action and filler for our story! The Easter bunny does a back flip off of a nearby wall, landing behind a large group of ninjas, which he quickly dispatched with a barrage well-placed of punches and kicks. Just then the zombie ninja leader steeped out of the shadows. "HAHAHA! My zombie ninjas and i have ruined easter for you this year! We have cleverly, without you knowing, replaced the tin easter baskets you have given out with these colorful ones you had lying around! Now we will depart with our stolen tin easter baskets and enjoy the fruits of our evil in our secret lair!" The samurai ninja leader grabbed a smoke bomb from his belt and poof they where gone.
A very frightened Callie emerged from her hiding spot behind the couch and said "I wasn't worried, where you?"
Once upon a time in a rabbit hole far under underground, there lived a bunny - the one and only Easter Bunny. She was a very caring, considerate bunny, and she liked to make Habbos happy by giving them eggs. One day, there was a knock on the door. It was Callie!
"Hello" said Callie. "I have something to tell you" she explained. "Oh right, come on in then!" said the Easter Bunny. "Is it good news?" she asked excitedly. "Yes, yes it is great news!" Callie bounced with excitement...
Callie said...
"I took the liberty of delivering all the Easter eggs to every habbo in the hotel! Now you have more time to rest!"
"Thank you so much!" the Easter bunny said gleefully. "Now I can start on next years colorful Easter baskets!"
"Ummm... Colorful?" The Easter bunny noticed the confused look on Callie's face.
"The Easter baskets I delivered where very dull and made of tin"
'EEEK!" cried the Easter bunny. Those weren't Easter baskets! Those where trash cans filled with rotten eggs!"
"Oh No!" cried Callie' "Easter is almost here, whatever shall we do?"
Just then the door burst open and a flurry of zombies and samurai filled the room with non stop action and filler for our story! The Easter bunny does a back flip off of a nearby wall, landing behind a large group of ninjas, which he quickly dispatched with a barrage well-placed of punches and kicks. Just then the zombie ninja leader steeped out of the shadows. "HAHAHA! My zombie ninjas and i have ruined easter for you this year! We have cleverly, without you knowing, replaced the tin easter baskets you have given out with these colorful ones you had lying around! Now we will depart with our stolen tin easter baskets and enjoy the fruits of our evil in our secret lair!" The samurai ninja leader grabbed a smoke bomb from his belt and poof they where gone.
A very frightened Callie emerged from her hiding spot behind the couch and said "I wasn't worried, where you?"