[Poem] The contrast between two boys..

[Janumz]

I was thinking to myself, and I thought I'd write this.. Meh, its not very good.. But I think it gets the point across?


Across the world,
Two boys are crying,
Both want more,
And tired of the trying.

The first boy longs for a mountain bike,
And blames him mum for being mean,
All day long,
The greed burns strong,
All the night,
The greed burns bright,
Bikes are everywhere –
Oh, why is life so unfair?

The second boy wants something to eat,
His mother weeps helpless, dead-beat,
While his father hangs his head in shame,
All day long
The hunger burns strong,
All the night,
The hunger burns bright,
Food is everywhere –
Oh, why is life so unfair?

Across the world,
Two boys a crying,
Ones full of life,
The other is dying.

[Fawne]

I like that poem is shows different in equality, definitely.
I liked reading it and the repetition was well good :)
Rep added

[Janumz]

Thanks..
I didn't realise it was good ;)

[Pulchritudinous]

Is very good, I like the way you used the same endings on the last few verses, it makes it clear that two people can feel the same pain, even though they live in completely different societies, it's nice!

[Janumz]

Thanks :)
I might write another.. Hm.. If anyones got any ideas for poems, PM me :)

[ignitionhost]

Wow, that touched me. I realy like it, but, i think you could add an extra two lines to the end, like somehting, "remember this when you go out today, asking for a bike"
obviously not those words as they do not rythme, but somethign to finish it off, to make the reader involved. 10/10 + rep anyhow.

[Bloodkanekiller]

Oi you copyed half of my idea
people starveing
and had enough of trying

[Yayse]

that's an ace poem :D rep+

[Jinxxed]

I really like that poem...

[Janumz]

Thanks people :)


Oi you copyed half of my idea
people starveing
and had enough of trying

I didn't copy you idea.. :s
I got the idea when I was talking to my friend on msn about greed and poverty.. So don't say im copying you :@

[Bloodkanekiller]

no girl would take about tht
they talk about
o my god i like this boy
or brag about there handbag of bratz or barbie

[Vicious-Elmo]

Love it <333 :)

[Surname]

Oi you copyed half of my idea
people starveing
and had enough of trying
I'm sure she didn't copy you. I thought the poem was very good :) (Maybe Bloodkanekiller should learn to spell ;))

[Janumz]

no girl would take about tht
they talk about
o my god i like this boy
or brag about there handbag of bratz or barbie
Yeah.. I REALLY talk about bratz and barbies don't I.. DUDE! :rolleyes:
All because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't write about something like this?

Thanks people.

[lauralol]

I love the poem, it's beautiful, ignore Bloodkane.. if he was to write that poem it would go like this..

ACROS DA WORLD
TWO BOYS R CRYNG
BOTH WANT MOR3
AND TIERD OF DA TEH!!1!1111 OMG *** FIRST BOY LONGS FOR A MOUNTANE BIEK
AND BLMES HIM MUM FOR BNG MEAN
AL DAY DA GRED BURNS STRONG
AL TEH TEH GRED BURNS BRIGHT
BIEKS R 3VERYWHERA O Y IS LIEF SO TEH?!?!!!!! *** LOL SACOND BOY WANTS SOMATHNG 2 AAT
HIS MOTHER WEPS HALPLAS DEAD-BAT
WHIEL HIS FATHER HANGS HIS HEAD IN SHME
AL DAY DA HUNGAR BURNS STRONG
AL DA DA HUNGER BURNS BRIGHT
FOD IS EVARYWHER3 – O Y IS LIEF SO UNFARE

ACROS?!???!! *** LOL DA WORLD
TWO BOYS A CRYNG
ONAS FUL OF TEH OTHER IS DYNG
!11!1 OMG

[Janumz]

Um.. Right.. i think you went a leetle to far..

Anyway, anyone else? ;)

[Painiac]

I don't... I seriously can't stand him and glad he is gone. That poem is exquisite and should be published. :D