Her mums boyfriend took advantage of her.

[Kissed]

Right ok, I never make threads in these sections but i'm really desperate, so I thought i'd give it a bizzle.

Last night me and my mates got pretty drunk and one of my best friends ended up telling me something, I don't know if she even really wanted me to know but she needed to tell someone.

She told me;
She went to a wedding and got really drunk the night before, and her mums boyfriend came in to her room when she was like pailing out.
I'm not going to go in to detail, for obvious reasons; but he did things to her.

She told me in confidence and yeah I know its probably well out of order posting this here but I don't know what to do because she won't tell anyone, and I don't want to ask people she knows for advice because that's harsh.
She said she doesn't want to tell her mum because she's saw her heartbroken and doesn't want to do that to her.
I know her mum needs to know & I've told her this multiple times.
My friend is 16 btw, and her mums boyfriend is 45ish - sicko.
I feel sick writing this because I feel like its down to me to make her feel ok about it, because she's obviously really depressed about it and blames herself.
Please give any advice you think could help,
-What I should say to her.
-How I can try and get her to talk to someone professional about it.

I have a good idea of how she feels so i'm glad that she told me because I can help to an extent, but she hasn't spoken to me about it since lastnight so I don't know whether to bring it up again or just leave it?

Please help.
-Kissed
-Katie.

[cocaine]

tell the police..

[Kissed]

tell the police..
Really?
He can't get done for it though can he?
+ I doubt she'd love me if I did that :l

[dirrty]

with your friend, tell her mother and go to the police straight away.

[Kissed]

with your friend, tell her mother and go to the police straight away.
Her** mum isn't the kind of person to talk to about things like that.
But my aunty is, I told her to go to my aunty + she agree'd lastnight but I asked her today and she ignored me.
I really didn't think about the police.

edit;Misread

[cocaine]

Really?
He can't get done for it though can he?
+ I doubt she'd love me if I did that :l

yeah he can, its sexual harrassment?

[Jordie]

ewww

trip to the police station would be best...

[Kissed]

yeah he can, its sexual harrassment?
I'll try and mention it to her.
Thankyou!

[dirrty]

go with her to her aunties house and then go to the police. he took advantage of your friend. once her aunty knows, then i think she should tell your friends mother.

[Sir.Gold]

tbh. i really think your friend has to do something about this its really wronf and bad and it means that he is a pedo and tbh. get your friend and take her to the police crime like this needs to be dealt with right

[Kissed]

I know it does.
But since we were little she's always been the one looking after me.
So now i'm trying to do it for her; she's having none of it, she just wont listen to me.
But I should defo bring it up again to her?

[Lepore]

Tbh I think she needs to talk to her mother. As much as she's gonna hurt her
but her mom can't be with a guy that has done w/e to her. It isn't right nor is it sanitary. If she doesn't tell her mother this will haunt her for the rest of her life. Honestly. She'll think about it day and night.
As a friend i would sit her down and talk to her. Get her comfortable to talking to you. Then Bring it up slowly. Tell her you need to gather your strength and come out with it and fess up to her. There should be no perfessional help involved unless it is serious. But i hope she gets better and honestly fesses up. Thats the best advice i can get. And katie you should just be there for her whenever she needs a shoulder to lean on. :) hope this helps <33333

[Paulio]

Your friend really needs to tell someone because he will think he got away with it and just do it again and again.

[Kissed]

Tbh I think she needs to talk to her mother. As much as she's gonna hurt her
but her mom can't be with a guy that has done w/e to her. It isn't right nor is it sanitary. If she doesn't tell her mother this will haunt her for the rest of her life. Honestly. She'll think about it day and night.
As a friend i would sit her down and talk to her. Get her comfortable to talking to you. Then Bring it up slowly. Tell her you need to gather your strength and come out with it and fess up to her. There should be no perfessional help involved unless it is serious. But i hope she gets better and honestly fesses up. Thats the best advice i can get. And katie you should just be there for her whenever she needs a shoulder to lean on. :) hope this helps <33333
Thanks Liz.
I'm gonna try and actually talk to her again to her face about it next time I see her.
Thankyouu.

[dirrty]

I know it does.
But since we were little she's always been the one looking after me.
So now i'm trying to do it for her; she's having none of it, she just wont listen to me.
But I should defo bring it up again to her?
keep on bringing it up. and if she keeps on ignoring you, just go to the police yourself. your friend may feel you went behind her back but it needs to be done. you would feel better knowing that you helped your friend than just brushing it off your shoulder like she seems to want you to do.

[Kissed]

The thing is though, you would expect him to like be embarrased.
He came in to her room in the morning and sat on her bed.
She told him to get out and close the door behind him and he just left.
I've met him and you really wouldn't expect him to be anything like it, everyone loves him. I think she's scared that noones going to believe her.

[dirrty]

The thing is though, you would expect him to like be embarrased.
He came in to her room in the morning and sat on her bed.
She told him to get out and close the door behind him and he just left.
I've met him and you really wouldn't expect him to be anything like it, everyone loves him. I think she's scared that noones going to believe her.
he properly thinks she wouldnt do anything and will just leave it. but dont make your friend just leave it. when do you next see her? if its some time away meet her asap and do something.

if you leave it too late, he will think that nothing will happen and think he has a "pass" and he may keep on doing it, knowing that nothing will happen.

[Kissed]

he properly thinks she wouldnt do anything and will just leave it. but dont make your friend just leave it. when do you next see her? if its some time away meet her asap and do something.


if you leave it too late, he will think that nothing will happen and think he has a "pass" and he may keep on doing it, knowing that nothing will happen.

Well we're basically related but not kind of thing.
We have the same cousin and aunty and uncle, so we grew up together.
I can see her whenever but I know me and i'll probably go about it all wrong so I want to get it totally figured in my head before I do anything about it.
I know, i'm gonna have to take her to the police.

[dirrty]

Well we're basically related but not kind of thing.
We have the same cousin and aunty and uncle, so we grew up together.
I can see her whenever but I know me and i'll probably go about it all wrong so I want to get it totally figured in my head before I do anything about it.
I know, i'm gonna have to take her to the police.
well good luck with it all, hope it all goes in you and your friends favour, not her mums bf.

but yh, go see her asap, talk to her aunty with your friend then go to her mum. her mum might shrug it off thinking your friend is messing around but final step is to go to the police, full stop. even if your friend says not to, go. but to get him done, your friend will obviously need to give statements etc. so you will have to make sure your friend wants to go to the police. convince her that if she doesnt, her mums bf may do it again and again and again and that it can ruin her life. also possibly mention that her mum would be more upset if she found out that her bf took advantage of her daughter later on than finding out straight away.

did you friend say when it happened?

edit: like a few weeks/months ago?

[Kissed]

Thankyou so much, you've been loads of help.
It happened the night before last..
Saturday night.

+Rep xo

[dirrty]

Thankyou so much, you've been loads of help.
It happened the night before last..
Saturday night.

+Rep xo
ok so not that long ago. well cant really say more than ive already stated previously but again, good luck :)

[Earthquake.]

I'm really sorry to hear this, I don't know if anything can be done is prosecution laws unless she says rape.. As shes 16 :(

[Hecktix]

I've been in this situation before.

You'll have to talk to her about how she's got to tell someone, and if she doesnt, well you cant force her.

You must not tell anybody for her. Because that will lose trust in your relationship with her.

Unfortunately, if she doesnt want to do anything about it; you cant do anything.

Put as much pressure on her as you can, if she has younger siblings, say they could be at threat, if not say other younger children.

But likesay, if she doesnt want to tell anyone, you cant make her, or do it for her.

[:Hazel]

you need to get her to tell police or phone childline or something- before he does it again. ;l she could be in more danger...

[Shawnstra]

You should tell her mum, and go to the police. This is a very serious offense, and that man should be brought into justice.

[Hecktix]

You should tell her mum, and go to the police. This is a very serious offense, and that man should be brought into justice.

yeah bloody brilliant idea if she wants to lose a friend.
Do you have ANY idea how hard it is for people to tell people stuff like that?

[Ostinato]

Although her mother may be heart broken and upset for a bit, I think she would be all the more upset if she knew her daughter had being going through this sexual harassment in silence, through someone she brought into their life. Don't you?

I think you need to make your friend see sense soon. Tell her that he cannot get away with that and surely her mum would rather know her daughter was safe than just being with a man. And if she truly wants her mum to be happy she will tell her right now exactly what this man is like, rather than letting him continue and get away with such crimes and she will be even more heartbroken when it all comes out later.

If she refuses to tell, I seriously think you should consider telling her. Although I don't normally recommend this as it's kind of tredding on her toes - I think in circumstances as such people like this really shouldn't get away with it.

[lAdmire]

Does she know she told you that? If no, you should tell her you know & she needs to tell her mom & let her handle it because suppose he does it again to some other kid or something. She needs to tell someone. Or if she doesn't, tell her mom for her. She may get angry at first, but I'm sure she'll be happy you told with the ending results.

[Kissed]

Right thankyou for everyones help so far.
We have talked about it, so she is aware she told me & she thanked me for being there for her.
We've decided to go and talk to our aunty about it after I get back from holiday (2 weeks from sunday I will be back.) so that she can have time to think about it, 'cos I know how hard it will be for her to talk about it to her so I know she needs a bit of time.
She's still not even thinking about telling her mum even though i've tryed to persuade her loads, I'm not gonna stop trying but I doubt she'll want to for a while.
He won't do it again, cos she won't give him chance.
She's a very strong person and isn't the kind of person who will back down from him, she's not scared of him so theres no need to worry about it reoccuring.
I'm gonna talk to her about the police thing, but if she doesn't want to go then I'm not gonna force her; I am however going to try my hardest to get her to tell her mum, and if she doesnt then our aunty will make her.


If you're getting confused why I'm saying our aunty, my mums sister is married to her dads brother.
So were not related but are very very close.

Again, thanks alot guys.
<3

[beth]

i think it's actually legal now that you can check whether a family member is on the sex offenders register? i'm not being funny or anything, but these kinda things aren't the first time people like that try things. if you get me? i reckon you should find out how to do that, with your friends consent & all. and i'm pretty sure since you're over 16 you wouldn't need parental consent.

otherwise, i definitely think you should persuade your friend to consider the police. cause, y'know, tell her that if he's done it to her he could quite easily do it to other members of her immediate family.
good luck. i hope she sorts out, i can't imagine how vile that must be. xo.

[Kissed]

i think it's actually legal now that you can check whether a family member is on the sex offenders register? i'm not being funny or anything, but these kinda things aren't the first time people like that try things. if you get me? i reckon you should find out how to do that, with your friends consent & all. and i'm pretty sure since you're over 16 you wouldn't need parental consent.

otherwise, i definitely think you should persuade your friend to consider the police. cause, y'know, tell her that if he's done it to her he could quite easily do it to other members of her immediate family.
good luck. i hope she sorts out, i can't imagine how vile that must be. xo.
Yeah I totally agree, but I don't want to do anything she doesnt feel comfortable with.
Thanks :]

[Hecktix]

Yeah I totally agree, but I don't want to do anything she doesnt feel comfortable with.
Thanks :]

That is exactly the right thing to do.
I admire you.
Check your rep to see the reasons :P

[Kissed]

Aww Oli
Thankyou
It's not anything special, i'm just trying to treat her how i'd want to be treated.
It's nice to know someone understands :]
<33

[Hecktix]

Aww Oli
Thankyou
It's not anything special, i'm just trying to treat her how i'd want to be treated.
It's nice to know someone understands :]
<33

tbh tis one of the hardest situations ive ever been in, and its really hard knowing you cant tell anyone because they will hate you for it because when they have to go through it, they obviously relive the memory, and its nasty, very nasty.

[kyle♥]

If I was you I'll just go to the poilce, this is pretty serious. Who cares if your friend don't talk to you? You're only trying to help her out. And her mum don't need to be going out with a sicko. Good luck :).

[Hecktix]

If I was you I'll just go to the poilce, this is pretty serious. Who cares if your friend don't talk to you? You're only trying to help her out. And her mum don't need to be going out with a sicko. Good luck :).

you really dont understand.
going to the police would make this thing go to court, because there is no way the police would let someone "not press charges" on a case such as serious as this.

that would mean your friend would have to sit in a courtroom (or on camera) and describe what happened to them in full detail.

so yeah; if you want to put your friend through the whole ordeal again, GO AHEAD!

somethings are best left alone.

[kyle♥]

you really dont understand.
going to the police would make this thing go to court, because there is no way the police would let someone "not press charges" on a case such as serious as this.

that would mean your friend would have to sit in a courtroom (or on camera) and describe what happened to them in full detail.

so yeah; if you want to put your friend through the whole ordeal again, GO AHEAD!

somethings are best left alone.

Who would want to leave something like that alone? Going through the ordeal again would be the dad doing things to her, not going to court and getting the sicko locked up :S.

[indian8132]

Could you tell us how far he took it with her, I mean, was it actual sex? Because the further it was then the more serious it is and the more time he could get done for. I understand if you dont want to tell us. Also, was it her real dad?

[Dentafrice,]

You need to go to the police.

If it was statutory rape they will do a rape kit at the hospital.

Otherwise if it was just molestation you will need no evidence. He will go straight to jail.

You need to tell the police yourself, don't worry about her. She will forgive you, the police will handle it. Teenagers are not responsible for things like this, tell the police.

[Bef]

This guy needs to be out of her life. Hes done it once and may well do it again!! her mum needs to know what sort of a man she thinks shes in love with!


You need to go to the police.

If it was statutory rape they will do a rape kit at the hospital.

Otherwise if it was just molestation you will need no evidence. He will go straight to jail.

You need to tell the police yourself, don't worry about her. She will forgive you, the police will handle it. Teenagers are not responsible for things like this, tell the police.
its to late for collecting any sort of evidence

realistically thers not much the police can do without any proof unless the guy admits to it!!

[Dentafrice,]

This guy needs to be out of her life. Hes done it once and may well do it again!! her mum needs to know what sort of a man she thinks shes in love with!
agreed.

This happened to a friend of mine

[Kissed]

It wasn't sex.
I'm not going in to detail about what happened though.
+ Thanks for all your concern but i'm not going behind her back, I have a good idea of what she's going through myself and you can't even imagine how it feels. So to have the only person you've told to go behind your back and do exactly what you've asked them not to, on top of all of it would just be really harsh to her.
I'll try and convince her to do things, cos I know she should. But I'm not doing it if she doesnt want me too :)
I'm going to try and help her any way I can, any way she wants me to.

Oh + no its not her real dad.
Its her mums boyfriend.

[cocaine]

well you cant help her if you go behind her back.

[Dentafrice,]

But you can make sure it doesnt happen again with him.

[Kissed]

-Nvmmmm

Edited By Rizter (Forum Moderator): Please dont post pointlessly, thanks :)

[Dentafrice,]

nevermind at what?

[Hecktix]

Who would want to leave something like that alone? Going through the ordeal again would be the dad doing things to her, not going to court and getting the sicko locked up :S.

yes, but describing it is nearly as bad as it being done.
when this happens to people they think of it subconsciously 24/7.
Making them think about it 100% is not good, or nice for them.

I know about this, not saying why, i've spoken to Katie (Kissed) via PM, and it really is the best thing to do.

Yes the idiot needs locking up.
I've had to sit in the same room as one of these sick perverted men knowing I could do nothing that wouldnt really really upset my friend even more.

Usually these things do not happen again because the girl becomes scared of the man and will do anything to fight him off.

They really are (ok not in your mind, or mine tbh) but in the mind of the victim, these things are best left alone.

[Kissed]

nevermind at what?
I posted and then realised I misread, dippyyy.
Sorry

[Bef]

It wasn't sex.
I'm not going in to detail about what happened though.
+ Thanks for all your concern but i'm not going behind her back, I have a good idea of what she's going through myself and you can't even imagine how it feels. So to have the only person you've told to go behind your back and do exactly what you've asked them not to, on top of all of it would just be really harsh to her.
I'll try and convince her to do things, cos I know she should. But I'm not doing it if she doesnt want me too :)
I'm going to try and help her any way I can, any way she wants me to.

Oh + no its not her real dad.
Its her mums boyfriend.
Yeh. DO NOT tell anyone for her. Try and get her to tell her mum and your auntie but dont do it for her. She needs to do it herself and she needs to be able to trust you 100%
Situations like this make it hard to trust anyone and if you told then she would proberly feel completely betrayed.
U r def doing the right thing by being loyal and not telling anybody!!



yes, but describing it is nearly as bad as it being done.
when this happens to people they think of it subconsciously 24/7.
Making them think about it 100% is not good, or nice for them.

I know about this, not saying why, i've spoken to Katie (Kissed) via PM, and it really is the best thing to do.

Yes the idiot needs locking up.
I've had to sit in the same room as one of these sick perverted men knowing I could do nothing that wouldnt really really upset my friend even more.

Usually these things do not happen again because the girl becomes scared of the man and will do anything to fight him off.

They really are (ok not in your mind, or mine tbh) but in the mind of the victim, these things are best left alone.
I agree with you 90%
But alot of people who go through abuse do need some sort of closure. Sometimes speaking out about it is the closure they need, sometimes they need revenge and sometimes they need to take things through with a professional.

[Earthquake.]

Did anyone hear about that girl fighting in court about that pervert man from the bbc program.

[Kissed]

-Nvmmmm

Edited By Rizter (Forum Moderator): Please dont post pointlessly, thanks :)

I posted, then realised it was pointless; therefore I edited it to this. :l

[kyle♥]

It wasn't sex.
I'm not going in to detail about what happened though.
+ Thanks for all your concern but i'm not going behind her back, I have a good idea of what she's going through myself and you can't even imagine how it feels. So to have the only person you've told to go behind your back and do exactly what you've asked them not to, on top of all of it would just be really harsh to her.
I'll try and convince her to do things, cos I know she should. But I'm not doing it if she doesnt want me too :)
I'm going to try and help her any way I can, any way she wants me to.

Oh + no its not her real dad.
Its her mums boyfriend.

Was it rape? If we really don't know what happened we can't really give
the full advice you need :(.

[Kissed]

If it wasn't sex how could it be rape, isn't that like the same thing but one with one person not wanting it?
But no it wasn't either.
It was things people would usually do before sex.

[ilove2spam]

I'd guess this is wrong section? I wouldnt call this normal teen life,

any how, its called sexual harrasment and yes it can go to court if theres evidence or so.