Bullying Poem (No. 2)

[PigsNose]

Pfft. I posted a bullying poem... a long time ago and now I will post one again. This is one totally the opposite of the other one and much less depressing. It was a quick write and the rhyming is a bit strained.
Enjoy,

Every day
After school
Some kids would come
And were very cruel

They would push me hard
Against the wall
And would hit me angrily
Calling me uncool

Stealing my money
Punching my tummy
Calling me names
Like a ‘Big Fat Dummy’

I had to be brave
Had to be strong
Or they would laugh
That’s what they longed

So I went home
And told someone
And finally it ended;
All their fun

So now I tell my story
Look and see
Are you being bullied?
Let them pay the fee

[hobo]

you should stick to the same number of syllables in each line in each verse, it'll make it sound better.

[Sunny.]

not badd. Quite good. +rep

[Laura<3]

its ok (:

but you should make the rhyming abit more the same in the stanzas cause it changes alot as in which lines rhyme

[PigsNose]

Thanks for your comments. I just felt like writing a more upbeat poem this time.

[@xP]

Very good :)

[FlyingJesus]

It's a bit.. simple. It rhymes and whatnot yeah, but true poetry needs a bit more feeling, some imagery or some clever clauses. A lot of it seems like you just used whatever word rhymed.

[Misawa]

Clumsy rhyming.

[Declan]

helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ne one out there

Edited by Yoshimitsui (Super Moderator): Please don't make pointless posts.