ll Gears Of War: Down To Hell ll 3rd Part Sequal

[Oidz]

Welcome, I'm Oidz From Habbo :d Welcome To My Gears Of War Storie,
3rd Part Sequal I Hope You Like It.
Planet Sera - 01900 Hours

" Anya, pick up on our location "
" Marcus, were cutting out I cant hear you "
" Anya, Anya, ANYA!!! "

Marcus cut out as The Helicopter hit a high rock as they was about to land as the helicopter moved out of control and pointed in a different direction, Baird tried to turn it the other way but smoke was coming out of the helicopter as it looked like they was going into the cores atmosphere.
Baird tried to pull the throttle upwards as the Helicopter was speeding down about to the hit the ground.
" Baird we need to get up hurry "
" I'm trying don't distract me, Uhh Dom you get on the other throttle "
Baird & Dom put their force like 2 magnets attracting each other as they pulled the throttle up as hard as they could even a little speck of swet came out of above Bairds eye as they raised it and laughed, Didn't know they was going they had not on earth where abouts they was going.

" Anya, Can you come here, come out can you hear me? "
Marcus couldnt contact Anya but guess who came and messed things up,
Cole got on his armour and laughed at them and told them:
" I wasnt scared.. now lets go kick some *** "
" Cole sit down we don't know where we are "
" Nah baby, I want some action... lets go outside "
Marcus , Dom , Baird , Cole walked outside as dust flew misting their eyes
they didnt know where they was as in the distance you could see the Volcano Lava in the distance. Marcus told Cole & Baird go one way and Dom and Him go the other way.

Whay they didnt know that this was the outskirts of The Locust new technology, As a Reacher flew down at Cole, He Shouted:
" NOW THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT "
A Reacher flew down and tried to scratch Coles arm but Cole ducked and said; " You need to do better than that "
Baird tried to work his lancer but it was barged as Cole got his lancer and lancered the leg of The Reacher as it hit the ground with an impact, Cole
just stood there as the reacher was a cm away from hitting Cole he said:
" Didn't even break a sweat "
Baird Laughed and Cole walked away as The Reacher was right behind them and tried to attacked Cole but he was clever and turned around and
Frag-Tagged The Reacher as it exploded and the blood & guts and the flesh of the body landed on them Cole laughed and said:
" Reacher for Tea Anyone? "
" Come on Cole lets go contact Marcus "

Marcus & Cole looked over the mountain and saw The Locusts New Technology The AA52 Resonator, Colonel Hoffman Asked Them To Get,
Marcus Looked At Dom And Dom Looked At Marcus As Marcus Said:
" Well we are in the right place than arent we "

Part 2 Soon

Sorry not much action but its getting into the story, so i hope you liked it

[Fez]

The Locusts New Technology The AA52 Resonator, Colonel Hoffman Asked Them To Get,
Marcus Looked At Dom And Dom Looked At Marcus As Marcus Said:

Capital city?

It's got a good storyline, and a good range of stuff. You just need to but a dab bit more descriptive and emotional tone into it.

Overall... 7/10 so far

[Oidz]

Ye Thanks fo rthat, Take that in mind

[Neil]

Yea that's good but you need to describe things a little more, even if they're not really relavent, you don't wanna describe everything just say for example,

"Marcus was looking out of the door of the helicopter, the wind from the propeller making him shiver slightly, he steps back trying to avoid accidently stepping forward and falling out of the helicopter, he turns around and to see light reflecting off of Doms gun as he cleans it"

Or something like that, not like everything but when they're moving or looking at something you might want to put some description to let the reader know what they're looking at

It's good and maybe you should add a bit of comedy, I donno if you planned on that anyway but it'd be good as the game itself had a bit of comedy in it

[Oidz]

Yeh I'll be making Part 2 Tonight, So Remember to read this one you lot..
The Part 2 Is the ending of the storie so I hope you will like it.

[alex 1889]

good story, a little more description and less chatting maybe?

[iTechnical]

Marcus cut out as the Helicopter collided into a high rock as they were about to land as the helicopter moved violentely out of control and pointed in a different direction, Baird tried to turn it the other way but smoke was flooding out of the helicopter as it looked like they were going deep into the cores atmosphere.
Baird tried to pull the throttle upwards as the helicopter was crashing and smoking down into the deep hard ground.

:D

[Oidz]

Dude, I remember doing this story I never finished part III. I definatly should of finished this story I did anyone else think this is a good story to follow on from? or carry on with my Jactino Plateau story found in Articles & Stories section.