Nemo
20-09-2007, 03:16 PM
I was very happy with this and so was my teacher. I did it for a year 9 peice of english HW and we had to write a story with the first line being "Paul saw everything" She mentioned mine at the beginning of class as being outstanding and i got a 7B for it (highest is 7a but no one got that) so i was very happy. My mate read it and liked it so hope you like it AND please tell me your comments on it :)
Here it is:
Paul Saw Everything
Paul saw everything. He froze on the spot. He was confused. He was frightened. He didn’t know what to do, what was he to do? He was scared. He turned around and ran, ran as hard and fast as he could. He had rivers of tears falling down his face. He had no idea where he was going. He came across a busy, main street road; he ran through all the cars going past and ignored their loud horns. He then stopped, thought about what he was going to do and exactly how. His mind was still confused, scared and panicked about what he saw earlier, he was not sure whether to get help or just keep on running.
He then decided to go to the police station, he walked up to the doors but as he touched the door handle he stopped, he was not sure if he was brave enough to speak about what he just saw. He plucked up the courage and made slight movements and eventually opened the door. He walked slowly inside, his heart was still beating and his adrenaline was still rushing throughout him. He took one step at a time, as if each step took all his courage and energy. Each second he thought about what he saw and as he got to the front desk, he lost all his energy and fainted.
He awoke in a small room with a damp cloth on his head, and lying on a small sofa. A policeman with a light grin on his face was in front of him. The policeman had a kind, warm-hearted face, he waved to Paul and asked him if he was feeling alright, Paul nodded and slowly got up. The policeman questioned him about why he was at the police station in the first place. The boy halted as he thought about what he had seen at his house. He screamed and then just fell down back onto the sofa. He then began speaking to the policeman and the policeman was shocked as why the boy hadn’t come or said anything to anyone at all. The same policeman and a few others headed straight to the boys house, there they found what had happened.
Paul’s mum had been killed. Paul explained what had happened at the police station. He said that as he entered his house, he saw his mum, dead, on the living room floor, blood dripped out of her head as she had just been murdered. He was going to approach his mum but as he did, he heard a rustling noise in his kitchen. The murderer must have still been there so Paul panicked. He regretted what he had done and wished he had gone to a neighbour, perhaps that way the murderer could have been caught.
Here it is:
Paul Saw Everything
Paul saw everything. He froze on the spot. He was confused. He was frightened. He didn’t know what to do, what was he to do? He was scared. He turned around and ran, ran as hard and fast as he could. He had rivers of tears falling down his face. He had no idea where he was going. He came across a busy, main street road; he ran through all the cars going past and ignored their loud horns. He then stopped, thought about what he was going to do and exactly how. His mind was still confused, scared and panicked about what he saw earlier, he was not sure whether to get help or just keep on running.
He then decided to go to the police station, he walked up to the doors but as he touched the door handle he stopped, he was not sure if he was brave enough to speak about what he just saw. He plucked up the courage and made slight movements and eventually opened the door. He walked slowly inside, his heart was still beating and his adrenaline was still rushing throughout him. He took one step at a time, as if each step took all his courage and energy. Each second he thought about what he saw and as he got to the front desk, he lost all his energy and fainted.
He awoke in a small room with a damp cloth on his head, and lying on a small sofa. A policeman with a light grin on his face was in front of him. The policeman had a kind, warm-hearted face, he waved to Paul and asked him if he was feeling alright, Paul nodded and slowly got up. The policeman questioned him about why he was at the police station in the first place. The boy halted as he thought about what he had seen at his house. He screamed and then just fell down back onto the sofa. He then began speaking to the policeman and the policeman was shocked as why the boy hadn’t come or said anything to anyone at all. The same policeman and a few others headed straight to the boys house, there they found what had happened.
Paul’s mum had been killed. Paul explained what had happened at the police station. He said that as he entered his house, he saw his mum, dead, on the living room floor, blood dripped out of her head as she had just been murdered. He was going to approach his mum but as he did, he heard a rustling noise in his kitchen. The murderer must have still been there so Paul panicked. He regretted what he had done and wished he had gone to a neighbour, perhaps that way the murderer could have been caught.