Karma.

[Mrak-Face]

The following is an argumentive peice I completed for English a while back, thought I'd share :D

Karma:

Every action, thought or belief requires reason before it is set to be. Karma, is the notion of a balanced universe, where the belief is that of good comes to admirable people and bad follows negative actions.

Automatically, Karma can be viewed as a sign of weakness. For those who despretely need to affirm that people who do horrible things, have consequences laid upon them, or seek out total equilibrium throughout all human behaviour, whether it be right or wrong.

Karma works in a sense, that those who believe they are cursed, notice it. If I were to tell you that you had bad luck for tomorow, you would only tend to grasp the awful things that happen to you. Karma, follows the same principle, if you do something commendable, you only behold the good things that happen to you. Like a depressing quest of approval for doing credible acts.

The main concept is coming to terms that the human race, while the most majestic, intelligent and fascinating is the most degrading. People will commit sins and not be punished for it, no matter how much you disagree, there is no ethics code on mankind.

If it helps you to sleep at night to think that people who do bad things will be punished, then fine, Karma exists. But don't even fathom the thought that it will make a difference.


- Mark Aberdour

[FlyingJesus]

1) Poor use of commas - there's far too many and you've put breaks in where there really shouldn't be, which interrupts whatever flow there might otherwise have been.

2) You can't just say "it's not true because I said so" to any theory.

[Mrak-Face]

1) Poor use of commas - there's far too many and you've put breaks in where there really shouldn't be, which interrupts whatever flow there might otherwise have been.


They wern't used for breaks, but subject/material change.



2) You can't just say "it's not true because I said so" to any theory.

As I mentioned, it was an argumentive piece. Thanks for the feedback.

[@xP]

Pointless use of commars.

It's not bad though.

[FlyingJesus]

Every action, thought or belief requires reason before it is set to be. Karma, is the notion of a balanced universe, where the belief is that of good comes to admirable people and bad follows negative actions.

Automatically, Karma can be viewed as a sign of weakness. For those who despretely need to affirm that people who do horrible things, have consequences laid upon them, or seek out total equilibrium throughout all human behaviour, whether it be right or wrong.

Karma works in a sense, that those who believe they are cursed, notice it. If I were to tell you that you had bad luck for tomorow, you would only tend to grasp the awful things that happen to you. Karma, follows the same principle,[should be - or : not a comma] if you do something commendable, you only behold the good things that happen to you. Like a depressing quest of approval for doing credible acts.

The main concept is coming to terms that the human race, while the most majestic, intelligent and fascinating is the most degrading. People will commit sins and not be punished for it, no matter how much you disagree, there is no ethics code on mankind.

If it helps you to sleep at night to think that people who do bad things will be punished, then fine, Karma exists. But don't even fathom the thought that it will make a difference.


- Mark Aberdour

I took the liberty of bold/reddening the unnecessary commas, and I haven't even touched upon the other various grammatical/flow problems.

[Janet Snakehole]

8-) Wierd..