My Coursework For English ;D

[Oidz]

Told to do a paragraph of, a story that has a twist ending to it and it structers the base of plot, head tail , body you can use a film or you can make up your own and I did..

PREMONITION
Jim with remorse in his eyes looked behind him to see his wife driving up him on the phone, and a sparkle in his eyes showed that he cared as he turned the car to greet his wife, but when he turned around the Vauxhall speeded past making Jims car swerve past him making the engine to stop
as Linda screamed down the phone for Jim to get out of the car but not
thinking he tried to start the car as a lorry came but as hard as Jim could the door was locked, as the lorry pulled on his breaks suddenly as it swervered into Jims car almost instantly decapitateing Jims head after the single hit crushing the car untill the explosion came, Linda who screamed could only look to find out that death itself will find a way to kill you no matter how hard you try, if your suppose to die your death is among you.

[Alan_Carr]

Didnt really understand it Tom, but good vocab there, especially for your age :)
Greg

[Oidz]

Thank You :) If you see the film you understand the plot storyline I am waiting for a grade for that I'm in set 4 for english aswell I wanna move up please.

I done The Texas Chainsaw Massacre The Beginning - Level 5A
I done Hostel Part lll - Level 5B - I Used Too Much Gore.
But At school I usally ad some funny bits in it so peeps laugh which works.
I mean people in my class laughed when I said:
" Leatherface was in the back of the car, as he revved up the chainsaw and plunged it into the back of chrissie "

[-Xiangu-]

i think thats about a B gcse

[Oidz]

Ty we are making lots of stories now- so we can improove our grammar, punctuation. im in set 4 and I'm with half of these dumb peeps who get a level 3b I didnt get highest a girl got 6A

[-Xiangu-]

cool. i think last i got was a 6 something. my english teacher gives us grades now. 2 pieces of cw done atm each receiving a b i need to type up my 3rd for her to grade for wednesday which i hope for a b aswell good luck

[zeJosh]

I Have 3 assessments coming up.

1- Story
2- Newspaper Article
3- Persuasive letter.

I'm in set 1 and expected to do loads :rolleyes:.

I'd give that a c-b as it didn't really make much sense, could've added more description and some spelling errors.

Good work

[Shinigami]

Didnt understand it and there was only one full stop in the whole paragraph

[dirrty]

i dont think you would get a high grade considering you used no full stops.

[Immenseman]

Yeah, the think that stuck out was you didn't use any full stops. I don't know what year you're in but i'm in year 11 and if the set four kids could even write a paragraph i'm sure they'd get a merit. I think it's pretty good apart from a few errors, well done mate.

[:-:Mariah:-:]

you get an f because it dnt have a structure
plz invest in a dictionary

[zeJosh]

Mariah heed your own advice.
You can't even spell properly :rolleyes:

[drama]

full stops pls.


I just finished doing my 'A Veiw from the Bridge' summary, took ****ign aaaaaages.

[:-:Mariah:-:]

Mariah heed your own advice.
You can't even spell properly :rolleyes:


hush ur gums n darlin i'm usin slang it dnt mean i cant spell
PLZ shush cos ur CRAP!!!!!!!
thanx

[zeJosh]

"Hush my gums because I am crap"
Yes.. Ok.. :rolleyes:

[The Don]

I couldnt really understand it but the bits i could were good :) Keep it up but try and not use but all the time it gets boring. When i did something like this i got a 6a

[beth]

it has no proper structure, you don't make use of punctuation and you create no suspence by thus removing the punctuation.
i would be surprised if your teacher graded it with that lack of basic english language knowledge.