I could do with some advice (to do with parents and step parents - you get the idea)

[Jacktard.]

Hi, well, When i was born my parents were married and then later on they got divorced so i lived with my mum. My dad occasionally came to see me but now i havent seen him since my 3rd birthday (I'm 14 now - so 11 years) When i was about 4/5 my mum met another bloke, they got married and now i have a half bro and half sis. I always say i count my step-dad as my dad although it never has and never will be the same. I really want to meet my dad but i wouldnt know what to say or what to ask him. He probably wouldnt even show up and i dont know how this will affect how my step-dad feels.

I really could use some advice as i have no idea what i should do. All advice would be much appreciated. Thanks. Jack.

[Immenseman]

Ok then. You can't be blamed for doing this, he is your real father and you're bound to want to find that, that's natural. Do you know where he is? Or any way of getting in touch with him, phone, email etc. 11 years is a long time and obviously you both would have changed during that time and you wouldn't bond straight away. Also, depending on what your step-father is like he could take this really badly, he might see it as he hasn't done a good enough job fathering you and that you want to see your real dad sorta thing. He shouldn't feel this because your burning desire to see your real dad is natural. Go for it, find him and meet him - good luck!

[leah]

Your step dad would understand if you explained that you love him like your dad, but you still want to meet your biological father.
I agree with what Immenseman said entirely, it's natural for you to want to have a relationship with your dad.

[Bef]

Yes its natural to want a relationship with your father but i recommend u dont get ur hopes up if u go and meet him. just because hes your dad doesnt mean hes nesicerily going to b a good person. From personal experience i can say that its very diffacult to have parents who arnt good people and who dont actully give a crap about u.
Is there an aunt, uncle, grandparent who knew your dad and u could talk to in private about this?
If u do meet him then just reassure him that u love him. afterall, hes chosen to be there for you for the past 10 odd years, not your dad.

[Jacktard.]

Ok then. You can't be blamed for doing this, he is your real father and you're bound to want to find that, that's natural. Do you know where he is? Or any way of getting in touch with him, phone, email etc. 11 years is a long time and obviously you both would have changed during that time and you wouldn't bond straight away. Also, depending on what your step-father is like he could take this really badly, he might see it as he hasn't done a good enough job fathering you and that you want to see your real dad sorta thing. He shouldn't feel this because your burning desire to see your real dad is natural. Go for it, find him and meet him - good luck!

There is only one way which we could contact him, my mum's old friend works with him, or at least used to anyway

[Jacktard.]

Your step dad would understand if you explained that you love him like your dad, but you still want to meet your biological father.
I agree with what Immenseman said entirely, it's natural for you to want to have a relationship with your dad.


not sure if i do though. He was married once before he got with my mum and he couldnt comit to seeing his other 2 children which just makes it worse. He can't comit to anything and would probably just let me down again

[Immenseman]

There is only one way which we could contact him, my mum's old friend works with him, or at least used to anyway

He might have moved on. 11 years is a long time.


not sure if i do though. He was married once before he got with my mum and he couldnt comit to seeing his other 2 children which just makes it worse. He can't comit to anything and would probably just let me down again

We've all made mistakes in our lives, he's your father, I'm sure he loves you. :)

[MrGazet]

Its surely hard for u
but i think u shud go for it
find him
and if u do if he's a gd bloke then gd for u
but then if he's not don't feel down too much ,

[StripedTiger]

To handle this situation, i would sit both your mother and stepfather down so you talk to them both directly at the same time. Express that you want to meet your dad now that your a little older, and maybe can get to know him better, like do hobbies and stuff together every week/2 weeks or something. But also tell your stepdad that he is like a dad to you, and you appreciate how he has treat you like his own but you also want a chance at some sort of relationship with your real dad too.

Then this gives both of them a chance to speak to you directly, and together? If your dad has another family, that could cause problems, so you'd have to get your mum or you to speak to him on his own first so see how he would react and how his family would?

[MrGazet]

To handle this situation, i would sit both your mother and stepfather down so you talk to them both directly at the same time. Express that you want to meet your dad now that your a little older, and maybe can get to know him better, like do hobbies and stuff together every week/2 weeks or something. But also tell your stepdad that he is like a dad to you, and you appreciate how he has treat you like his own but you also want a chance at some sort of relationship with your real dad too.

Then this gives both of them a chance to speak to you directly, and together? If your dad has another family, that could cause problems, so you'd have to get your mum or you to speak to him on his own first so see how he would react and how his family would?

yea i wud do exactly the same
and i also think u shud ask ur mum to call him first
let the adults settle it
because it wud be hard for u to settle it urself seeing that he also got another children before marrying ur mum and he doesnt see them aswell

[Immenseman]

Yeah, you obviously need to speak to everyone affected in the situation, don't make a rash decision. Sit them down talk about it, think about it. At the end of the day you have to do what you think is right because if you don't do it now you might never do it and regret it for the rest of your life.