AgnesIO
18-05-2009, 09:01 PM
Hey,
I wrote this for some English work about four months ago, and was wandering what you guys think. I got a Level 7.5 for it..
Chapter I
Birmingpool
It was 8:00am and the children were going to school, while the adults were going to work. Birmingpool had always been perfect. Every bit of grass was just right, every tree was trimmed perfectly, and every house’s window was shining. The sun was gleaming on the windows, like a light on white paper. However Birmingpool was a town of two halves. The good side – where everyone wanted to live – and the bad side – where no one wanted to live. Poverty, crime and drugs had strickened northern Birmingpool for years, the sun wasn’t so bright here. With the sun striking windows, all that reflected was the broken glass. Children were staying at home today, didn’t want to go to school. Adults didn’t have a job; they joined their kids at home.
*****
For most people going to school and coming home from school each day was just a normal thing. It was even normal for most of the people in northern Birmingpool, but for Daniel Davies - school was not normal at all.
*****
Something that both northern and southern Birmingpool used was the artificial Surfing Machine. This was the largest Surfing machine in Europe, situated on the beach at southern Birmingpool, this was possibly the only thing northern and southern residents shared.
Chapter II
Daniel Davies
Daniel Davies was a 15-year-old boy who was stuck right in the middle of Birmingpool. Daniel hadn’t been to school since he was 13, as he wasn’t a normal boy. No he wasn’t a normal boy at all.
Daniel had a tall sleek figure, and was never caught outside without his black suit and tie. Daniel didn’t just dress like this for the sheer fun of it, Daniel was working for MI5. After all who would suspect a 15-year-old boy? Who would suspect someone that is so young?
When Daniel left school he was by far the perfect student, very intelligent yes, but he always found out things he shouldn’t know, and caused huge trouble when he knew what was going on.
*****
Daniel had always lived right in the middle of Birmingpool, so he was always in on everything that was happening; he knew what the latest crimes up in northern Birmingpool were, and also what the people in southern Birmingpool had been doing. This probably made him clever at finding out what he needs to know, causing many problems for everyone around Birmingpool. Daniel had never been very popular at school, as everyone knew they couldn’t keep anything secret from him.
Chapter III
Crime Scene
Detective Daniel Davies woke up with a shrill ring drilling into his ears.
“Hello? Detective Davies here”
“Davies, this is MI5. One of our agents has been murdered in southern Birmingpool. We need you down there now.”
“Where do I go?”
“Go to 124 Clems Avenue. Then approach the house carefully. We are unsure what has happened.”
“Thanks for that, I’m on it”
“Over and out.”
The phone started beeping; announcing the agent on the other end had hung up. Detective Davies walked down to the Crime Scene; it was an only 20 minute walk from his home. Daniel thought to himself while walking – it was rare for a crime to happen in southern Birmingpool.
When Daniel saw his destination he walked with caution, in an almost suspicious manner. Slowly walking, so many questions ran through his mind. Why was another MI5 agent in Southern Birmingpool? Who is involved? What was going on at the house? Is everyone else ok? The questions ran through his mind with no real answers.
When the mansion was in clear view, Daniel looked around the grounds, this was a ritual he had done ever since he first became an MI5 Detective. It helped him know exactly where he could escape if he needed to, and also possible escape routes for the criminal.
The mansion’s front had eight large windows. The wall was made out of dark red brick, with black lanterns in between each window. The side of the mansion was plain - just another dark red shade on all the bricks – no escape route visible. At the back on the mansion there was a large sliding door. This led into the large garden, which had no real hiding places for the murderer. Nothing really significant or unusual about the mansion, Daniel thought. All the mansions in Southern Birmingpool were plain, quite boring really. It was time, time to go in.
Chapter IV
The Inside
Slowly climbing through an open window at the back of the house, Daniel’s heart was beating. The room was dark, Daniel turned on his torch, every second feeling like an hour, he looked around the room. Nothing.
Suddenly a loud crashing noise filled the room, spinning round, heart thumping, Daniel looked. Nothing was there – a cup was sitting there before.
Daniel decided to look around the rest of the house, to look for more clues. The mansion appeared empty, no one appeared, nothing was around but blood was on the walls. Going into the fifth bedroom, that’s when he saw it. That’s when he saw the message. He slowly read the message; “Your agent is dead, down by the beach, I killed your agent, and this is his blood, look ‘round the house for more and more blood.’
Daniel read the message over and over. This can’t have been the attacker. Why would the attacker give such a large clue away? Was this a trick? So many questions were there to be answered, but no answers appeared in the clues. Look around the house for more and more blood? What does this mean, does the blood say something?
Daniel looked around the house when finally he noticed what he was looking for. A clue. One single letter appeared on the wall. Written in blood, “C”. Daniel thought to himself. He’d dealt with a case like this before. Perhaps the “C” is part of a word. Perhaps the answer is inside the word. But what about the beach? The message mentioned beach. Daniel continued to look around the room, hoping that just maybe, the answer would unfold soon.
After looking around the house for another hour Daniel found the letters “U” and “P”. Realising straight away that this spelt ‘Cup’; Daniel thought the hard work was over. He had the house boarded up; he then left the building to return home until the morning.
Through the night Daniel kept waking up, thinking about what he had seen. What did ‘Cup’ mean? What is the word ‘Cup’ telling him? Daniel eventually fell back to sleep.
When his alarm went off at 8:00am - to wake him up - he suddenly remembered the case. Jumping out of bed, and getting changed he went back to the mansion – more clues may be around now it is light.
After another search around the house, Daniel heard three gunshots. BANG. BANG. BANG. Police sirens started and Daniel stopped. Just another crime in northern Birmingpool I guess, he thought to himself. Continuing his search he found five more letters. “A” “O” “B” “R” “D”. The letters meant nothing to Daniel. But he decided that he could do no more searching, so he called in the Investigators to check for any DNA and the other things that he couldn’t sort.
When he returned home he looked at the letters for a long time. He had looked at the letters he had again and again; “U” “P” “B” “A” “R” “C” “D” “O”. He made as many words out of the anagram as he could. His results were very successful: “Cup”; “Cod”; “Up”; “Board”; “Or”; “Bar”; “Broad”; “Cord”; “Proud”; “Pub”; “Crop”. When he had finished looking at the words he had created he decided that the letters must make up all one word – That’s when is clicked. Cupboard! Adrenaline rushing through his body, Daniel stayed still. He still had no answer, he didn’t know what it meant but looking through his clues again, he realised...
Chapter V
The Answer and the Beach
Suddenly everything Daniel had learned made sense. The beach at Birmingpool was famous for its Surfboarding. At the Artificial Surfboard centre, there were 100 Surfboards - stored in one large cupboard – a body could easily fit in there!
Running down to the Surfing centre, Daniel could only hope. This could all be wrong, but if a body was there, then clues will be there too – the Cupboard is normally locked. All the facts of Daniel’s clues were in one large ball, nothing seemed to link, the plan was far too large, but for some reason, unsure of what it was, Daniel knew a body would be there.
On arrival Daniel strolled straight up to the kiosk. Panting he puffed; “You need to open the cupboard with the boards in. NOW”
“Sorry we cannot open the cupboard without needing to get to the surfboards” replied a lady with a pale blue uniform on.
“Just open it! Quickly!” Daniel demanded, starting to become aggravated.
The woman, realised something was wrong, and quickly got the key to open the cupboard. Once opened, Daniel rushed to the cupboard chucking the surfboards on to the floor. The assistant started shouting at him, but he continued... The man was there.
*****
Panic seemed to erupt around him, people running around hopelessly. Daniel stayed calm, and quickly put his hand on the agent’s face. The agent was dead. Reaching for the man’s pocket, Daniel felt a piece of paper. It read: “Congratulations you have found your agent. I guess you know who I am? If not, I’m right behind you, turn ‘round to see your man.”
Spinning around, Daniel’s heart popped. A man stood there, with an evil grin on his face. Surely Daniel’s time was up; he’d fallen in to the trap.
Police cars started rushing around the Surfboarding centre, with armed officers rushing to the scene. Shouting the usual ‘You have been arrested for murder, you do not have to stay anything...” the man just stood there.
“Arrest me” he said, with a soft hiss to his voice.
The police took no hesitation and arrested the man.
Chapter VI
The Murder
Three weeks after the man’s arrest, Daniel sat in his room. The murderer was now in court, another case solved...
RING RINNNNGG RINNNNNGGGGGGG!
Daniels phone started ringing.
“Hello? Detective Davies here”
“Davies, this is MI5. Another one of our agents has been murdered in southern Birmingpool. We need you down there now.”
“Where do I go?”
“Go to 129 Clems Avenue. Then approach the house quickly. A replica murder of the last case has occurred.”
“Thanks for that, I’m on it”
“Over and out.”
Daniel thought to himself. The killer had been arrested. How could another murder have happened in the same street? What was another one of MI5’s Agents doing down there? The murder chain and the story had only just begun.....
Sorry if the format is messed - I just copied it off my word document!
Thanks for reading,
Dom
I wrote this for some English work about four months ago, and was wandering what you guys think. I got a Level 7.5 for it..
Chapter I
Birmingpool
It was 8:00am and the children were going to school, while the adults were going to work. Birmingpool had always been perfect. Every bit of grass was just right, every tree was trimmed perfectly, and every house’s window was shining. The sun was gleaming on the windows, like a light on white paper. However Birmingpool was a town of two halves. The good side – where everyone wanted to live – and the bad side – where no one wanted to live. Poverty, crime and drugs had strickened northern Birmingpool for years, the sun wasn’t so bright here. With the sun striking windows, all that reflected was the broken glass. Children were staying at home today, didn’t want to go to school. Adults didn’t have a job; they joined their kids at home.
*****
For most people going to school and coming home from school each day was just a normal thing. It was even normal for most of the people in northern Birmingpool, but for Daniel Davies - school was not normal at all.
*****
Something that both northern and southern Birmingpool used was the artificial Surfing Machine. This was the largest Surfing machine in Europe, situated on the beach at southern Birmingpool, this was possibly the only thing northern and southern residents shared.
Chapter II
Daniel Davies
Daniel Davies was a 15-year-old boy who was stuck right in the middle of Birmingpool. Daniel hadn’t been to school since he was 13, as he wasn’t a normal boy. No he wasn’t a normal boy at all.
Daniel had a tall sleek figure, and was never caught outside without his black suit and tie. Daniel didn’t just dress like this for the sheer fun of it, Daniel was working for MI5. After all who would suspect a 15-year-old boy? Who would suspect someone that is so young?
When Daniel left school he was by far the perfect student, very intelligent yes, but he always found out things he shouldn’t know, and caused huge trouble when he knew what was going on.
*****
Daniel had always lived right in the middle of Birmingpool, so he was always in on everything that was happening; he knew what the latest crimes up in northern Birmingpool were, and also what the people in southern Birmingpool had been doing. This probably made him clever at finding out what he needs to know, causing many problems for everyone around Birmingpool. Daniel had never been very popular at school, as everyone knew they couldn’t keep anything secret from him.
Chapter III
Crime Scene
Detective Daniel Davies woke up with a shrill ring drilling into his ears.
“Hello? Detective Davies here”
“Davies, this is MI5. One of our agents has been murdered in southern Birmingpool. We need you down there now.”
“Where do I go?”
“Go to 124 Clems Avenue. Then approach the house carefully. We are unsure what has happened.”
“Thanks for that, I’m on it”
“Over and out.”
The phone started beeping; announcing the agent on the other end had hung up. Detective Davies walked down to the Crime Scene; it was an only 20 minute walk from his home. Daniel thought to himself while walking – it was rare for a crime to happen in southern Birmingpool.
When Daniel saw his destination he walked with caution, in an almost suspicious manner. Slowly walking, so many questions ran through his mind. Why was another MI5 agent in Southern Birmingpool? Who is involved? What was going on at the house? Is everyone else ok? The questions ran through his mind with no real answers.
When the mansion was in clear view, Daniel looked around the grounds, this was a ritual he had done ever since he first became an MI5 Detective. It helped him know exactly where he could escape if he needed to, and also possible escape routes for the criminal.
The mansion’s front had eight large windows. The wall was made out of dark red brick, with black lanterns in between each window. The side of the mansion was plain - just another dark red shade on all the bricks – no escape route visible. At the back on the mansion there was a large sliding door. This led into the large garden, which had no real hiding places for the murderer. Nothing really significant or unusual about the mansion, Daniel thought. All the mansions in Southern Birmingpool were plain, quite boring really. It was time, time to go in.
Chapter IV
The Inside
Slowly climbing through an open window at the back of the house, Daniel’s heart was beating. The room was dark, Daniel turned on his torch, every second feeling like an hour, he looked around the room. Nothing.
Suddenly a loud crashing noise filled the room, spinning round, heart thumping, Daniel looked. Nothing was there – a cup was sitting there before.
Daniel decided to look around the rest of the house, to look for more clues. The mansion appeared empty, no one appeared, nothing was around but blood was on the walls. Going into the fifth bedroom, that’s when he saw it. That’s when he saw the message. He slowly read the message; “Your agent is dead, down by the beach, I killed your agent, and this is his blood, look ‘round the house for more and more blood.’
Daniel read the message over and over. This can’t have been the attacker. Why would the attacker give such a large clue away? Was this a trick? So many questions were there to be answered, but no answers appeared in the clues. Look around the house for more and more blood? What does this mean, does the blood say something?
Daniel looked around the house when finally he noticed what he was looking for. A clue. One single letter appeared on the wall. Written in blood, “C”. Daniel thought to himself. He’d dealt with a case like this before. Perhaps the “C” is part of a word. Perhaps the answer is inside the word. But what about the beach? The message mentioned beach. Daniel continued to look around the room, hoping that just maybe, the answer would unfold soon.
After looking around the house for another hour Daniel found the letters “U” and “P”. Realising straight away that this spelt ‘Cup’; Daniel thought the hard work was over. He had the house boarded up; he then left the building to return home until the morning.
Through the night Daniel kept waking up, thinking about what he had seen. What did ‘Cup’ mean? What is the word ‘Cup’ telling him? Daniel eventually fell back to sleep.
When his alarm went off at 8:00am - to wake him up - he suddenly remembered the case. Jumping out of bed, and getting changed he went back to the mansion – more clues may be around now it is light.
After another search around the house, Daniel heard three gunshots. BANG. BANG. BANG. Police sirens started and Daniel stopped. Just another crime in northern Birmingpool I guess, he thought to himself. Continuing his search he found five more letters. “A” “O” “B” “R” “D”. The letters meant nothing to Daniel. But he decided that he could do no more searching, so he called in the Investigators to check for any DNA and the other things that he couldn’t sort.
When he returned home he looked at the letters for a long time. He had looked at the letters he had again and again; “U” “P” “B” “A” “R” “C” “D” “O”. He made as many words out of the anagram as he could. His results were very successful: “Cup”; “Cod”; “Up”; “Board”; “Or”; “Bar”; “Broad”; “Cord”; “Proud”; “Pub”; “Crop”. When he had finished looking at the words he had created he decided that the letters must make up all one word – That’s when is clicked. Cupboard! Adrenaline rushing through his body, Daniel stayed still. He still had no answer, he didn’t know what it meant but looking through his clues again, he realised...
Chapter V
The Answer and the Beach
Suddenly everything Daniel had learned made sense. The beach at Birmingpool was famous for its Surfboarding. At the Artificial Surfboard centre, there were 100 Surfboards - stored in one large cupboard – a body could easily fit in there!
Running down to the Surfing centre, Daniel could only hope. This could all be wrong, but if a body was there, then clues will be there too – the Cupboard is normally locked. All the facts of Daniel’s clues were in one large ball, nothing seemed to link, the plan was far too large, but for some reason, unsure of what it was, Daniel knew a body would be there.
On arrival Daniel strolled straight up to the kiosk. Panting he puffed; “You need to open the cupboard with the boards in. NOW”
“Sorry we cannot open the cupboard without needing to get to the surfboards” replied a lady with a pale blue uniform on.
“Just open it! Quickly!” Daniel demanded, starting to become aggravated.
The woman, realised something was wrong, and quickly got the key to open the cupboard. Once opened, Daniel rushed to the cupboard chucking the surfboards on to the floor. The assistant started shouting at him, but he continued... The man was there.
*****
Panic seemed to erupt around him, people running around hopelessly. Daniel stayed calm, and quickly put his hand on the agent’s face. The agent was dead. Reaching for the man’s pocket, Daniel felt a piece of paper. It read: “Congratulations you have found your agent. I guess you know who I am? If not, I’m right behind you, turn ‘round to see your man.”
Spinning around, Daniel’s heart popped. A man stood there, with an evil grin on his face. Surely Daniel’s time was up; he’d fallen in to the trap.
Police cars started rushing around the Surfboarding centre, with armed officers rushing to the scene. Shouting the usual ‘You have been arrested for murder, you do not have to stay anything...” the man just stood there.
“Arrest me” he said, with a soft hiss to his voice.
The police took no hesitation and arrested the man.
Chapter VI
The Murder
Three weeks after the man’s arrest, Daniel sat in his room. The murderer was now in court, another case solved...
RING RINNNNGG RINNNNNGGGGGGG!
Daniels phone started ringing.
“Hello? Detective Davies here”
“Davies, this is MI5. Another one of our agents has been murdered in southern Birmingpool. We need you down there now.”
“Where do I go?”
“Go to 129 Clems Avenue. Then approach the house quickly. A replica murder of the last case has occurred.”
“Thanks for that, I’m on it”
“Over and out.”
Daniel thought to himself. The killer had been arrested. How could another murder have happened in the same street? What was another one of MI5’s Agents doing down there? The murder chain and the story had only just begun.....
Sorry if the format is messed - I just copied it off my word document!
Thanks for reading,
Dom