How picky is too picky?? I feel like time is running out!

[Cyndia]

Okay so, lately I've been really freaked out because I have a lot of close upperclassmen friends (and one or two my age) that are engaged. The freakiest part is that just about all of them started dating their fiance's during their freshman or sophomore year of uni (which was last year or this coming year for me). This REALLY freaks me out! Basically I'm at the point in life where it's likely that if I get serious with anyone, they're going to be the one I'll be marrying in a few years. I know that it's crazy to be thinking of marriage before Im even involved with someone, but I don't want to get into a relationship with someone if I don't see it going anywhere.

Also.. The only really serious relationship I ever had was with a guy I ended up dating for 2 years (and we'd discussed the future and had talked about how once we graduate uni we'd probably get married, and he'd given me a promise ring etc.). We broke up in February and it was really painful and now that it's over I can see that there were a lot of little differences between us that definitely should have warned me in advance that we wouldn't work out in the long run. But I was too 'in love' to see any of it, and now I'm wary of falling to hard for a guy in case I get blinded to things. So I've come up with a list of a few things that have to be true or else I'll absolutely refuse to get seriously involved with a guy. For example: distance is an no-no. They HAVE to go to my university or there is no chance. And they have to have a family as well as friends I get along with - I've had enough of dealing with guys who have a sibling that hates me, and friends are a reflection of a guy himself so I feel like i have to get along with them to do well with the guy.

Those are just a couple of the things on my list.. I don't know. I feel like I'm being too picky because I've already turned down a few guys since summer started (because of the distance thing since I go to school in New York and live in Virginia), and my best friend thought I was crazy for not even giving one or two of them a chance. Am I being ridiculous? I've never had set standards in my mind before - I would just go for a guy if I was attracted to him, and I hate that I'm becoming like this. Like, is this normal behavior, or am I truly turning into one of those jaded bitter girls that will never end up with a guy because they have expectations that are too high?

[FlyingJesus]

There's no point starting a relationship just because the offer's there if they're not what you're after, but equally you shouldn't be on the lookout for men just because you think you should have one. I know plenty of people who've been "engaged" through various teen relationships and can't think of a single one that worked out in the end.

My advice would be to get yourself out on the market but only as a rented product - try a few guys out on short-term relationships or even just night by night so you know what it is that you like and dislike about people, and then when you meet someone who entirely fits the bill, snap them up and hold on to that one. College/uni is not a place for getting married, you should be out having fun and experimenting with different men so that you get all of your mistakes (and there will be mistakes) out of the way while you're young.

[Cyndia]

Thanks, that's pretty good advice. I really do have plenty of time.. a lot of people don't get married till their late 20s or 30s! And I'll never learn what I do want until I try guys and find out what does and doesn't work for me. I guess I just really freaked out because I didn't realize that majority of the older girls on my dance team were engaged till they all started talking about it at practice.

Anyway.. Yechh, I hate relationships! They're so complicated and I feel like they always cause pain in the end. Im happy being independent, I just hate how part of me still wants to have someone there for me!

[leah]

You really need to stop worrying and just enjoy yourself, if a guy that you think is cute asks you out on a date just say yes and have fun, you can't just go hunting for someone to love, you need to just relax and let love find you.