Staying friends?

[VelvetClover]

As a small number of you know, I've just been through a break up with my (now ex) boyfriend. But he insisted that he wanted to be friends.
We've been texting each other a bit since the break up but it's clear he doesn't want anything more from me than friendship.

I don't know if I should completely stay away from him or not, and wether his presence in my life right now is just making things more difficult for me. Part of me wants to stay in constant contact with him, because right now I still sort of feel like I need him and still miss him but the other part wants to not talk to him much at all because talking to him makes me think of him again and dwell over breaking up.

Earlier tonight he texted me and asked if I would go over to his place, most probably to stay over. I declined, saying I didn't think that was a good idea, he said the offer was still there and I said it wouldn't be the same as before and that I couldn't do that right now. A big part of me wanted to go to him.
I don't know what to do. I'm not going there because I know it will just make me more miserable when I have to leave, but I miss him. I've been getting a lot better the past few days but his asking me over to his place tonight has just made me feel sad.

I'd like to be friends but it's just too painful now really but I know I don't want to lose contact with my ex because throughout our relationship we were friends anyway, but is it ever going to work out, us just being friends? Or should I try just cutting him out of my life completely?

I don't know what advice I'm even asking for here from you guys, I know this must seem so petty and pathetic to most of you and I'm certainly not looking for sympathy. I guess I'm just trying to get stuff out, talk to an impartial audience who doesn't know me well enough to be biased.

[Hecktix]

Me and my ex tried being like that after we broke in April and it's absolutely destroyed me. I hung on and hung on hoping we'd find the spark again but it got worse and worse and she knew I was only waiting.

It would have hurt more in the short run to have just had a completely clean break but I was persistent on being friends just incase she found how she felt before again, now she hates me...

So yeah.. just try and make a clean break if you don't want to be unhappy in the long run.

'cause to be honest if we'd just made a clean break, yeah it would have taken time but i'd have gotten over it and been happy.

But cause it dragged on for.. well months really, here I am, 3 months later still devastated & really upset...

So yeah.. good luck :p

[leah]

Did he want you to sleep over in the spare room or what? :S
Cos if not then breaking up with you and then inviting you over like that is really sending you mixed messages.

I think, although it would be really hard you should try and not speak to him for a while and allow yourself time to accept that the relationship is over. While you're still in contact with him you could still see little things that make you think he still likes you and it's just going to be harder for you.

After you're over him maybe you could resume your friendship.

[Immenseman]

Staying that close to him is only going to re-kindle feelings for him. If he no longer likes you like you said in your original post then I think he's just trying to play you a little bit and he likes the fact that you still have feelings for him and he's sending mixed messages. He could be doing it totally innocent and just wants to remain friends or he might just want to play you a bit, you know him better than us.

Staying such close friends will just make it more difficult for you to move on. When you're ready then maybe you can start being close to him once again. Hope everything goes well, Nat :)

[VelvetClover]

Did he want you to sleep over in the spare room or what? :S
Cos if not then breaking up with you and then inviting you over like that is really sending you mixed messages.

I think, although it would be really hard you should try and not speak to him for a while and allow yourself time to accept that the relationship is over. While you're still in contact with him you could still see little things that make you think he still likes you and it's just going to be harder for you.

After you're over him maybe you could resume your friendship.

I guess I am getting mixed messages - he would have had me stay in his bed with him probably. I didn't go there.
I think he does still want to be friends but he just doesn't seem to get the fact that I can't just suddenly feel better and be his friend. It's like he doesn't get how upset he made me.


Staying that close to him is only going to re-kindle feelings for him. If he no longer likes you like you said in your original post then I think he's just trying to play you a little bit and he likes the fact that you still have feelings for him and he's sending mixed messages. He could be doing it totally innocent and just wants to remain friends or he might just want to play you a bit, you know him better than us.

Staying such close friends will just make it more difficult for you to move on. When you're ready then maybe you can start being close to him once again. Hope everything goes well, Nat :)

I don't think he's playing me I think he does genuinely want to be friends - or you could be right.
I don't know anymore the whole thing is confusing me.
And thanks, I am feeling much better every day.

[FlyingJesus]

I'm good friends with all my ex's so yeah, it's entirely possible

[leah]

I guess I am getting mixed messages - he would have had me stay in his bed with him probably. I didn't go there.
I think he does still want to be friends but he just doesn't seem to get the fact that I can't just suddenly feel better and be his friend. It's like he doesn't get how upset he made me.



I don't think he's playing me I think he does genuinely want to be friends - or you could be right.
I don't know anymore the whole thing is confusing me.
And thanks, I am feeling much better every day.
If he wants to be friends, but wants you to sleep in his bed with him then he's definitely sending you mixed messages and playing with your emotions. I really think you should distance yourself from him and give yourself time to recover from the feelings you have from him, before you enter into a relationship as just friends.

[Cyndia]

Aww, I know exactly how you feel. When I broke up with the guy I dated for 2 years, we both wanted to try being friends since we'd been best friends before we started dating. Even though both of us knew we just weren't right for each other anymore it was just so hard to stay as friends because we'd been together for so long, and even though we didn't want to date anymore, being around each other brought out all the old feelings and just the longing to be together. He and I decided to not talk or contact each other (and blocked each other on every mode of contact.. facebook, aim, skype, twitter, etc.) for almost 2 months and then finally we started being friends legitimately. Unfortunately, after a just 3 weeks of hanging out with him a lot, I realized I'm still not over him, so I cut things off again a week ago. So basically, I don't think you'll be able to be friends with him until you are completely over him - especially with him sending mixed signals like he is, it'll make it even harder on you. I know you may not want to do this, but you really should just tell him you don't want to talk to him or see him or anything for a little while until you're completely over him, and then you'll be willing to be friends again. Seriously. No matter how hard it is (and trust me, it's hard!!), do it - you'll be better off in the long run.