jennifuh
16-07-2009, 01:13 PM
This is a literature piece I did on teen dating/relationships. It's an interesting piece to read and think about when you're bored. It's quite long so yeah, if you're lazy, save it for a rainy day .. enjoy! =]
***
Snowflakes drift lightly downwards being pulled to the earth – teasingly – almost doing a slow dance, defying gravity, trying to resist the force but ultimately, landing on the ground. I step on the fresh powder, my shoes making light imprints in the newly fallen white sheet of snow.
I pull out a cigarette out of my pack and place the filter on my lips. I try to light it, hands shaking from the cold, but the flame goes out. It takes me four tries before I get a steady flame. The fire licks around the end of the cigarette, slowly roasting it in searing flames until it’s lit. I take a slow drag and let the smoke fill my lungs.
From the advocates from school and the countless anti-smoking campaigns I was pretty against smoking but one night, while smashed, I discovered the wonders of smoking. Some people frown on my disgusting habit but I reassure them it’s not a habit – afterall, I only smoke drunk or socially. That’s what I used to tell others before it became regular. Now I stand here alone in the snow as the cold bites my fingers but I refuse to relinquish the death stick and shove my hands in my pockets. Instead I hold onto my sin stick, my coffin nail, my death wish, whatever you wish to call it.
I exhale and pull in another lungful of poisonous fumes. This time, I hold the smoke in my mouth, letting it mix with the cool air before inhaling. Occasionally I flick the excess ash at the end off in between drags. Now, my knees are shaking as the cold is getting to me but the frozen silence of the early morning is peaceful. It’s 8am. I haven’t slept yet from the night before. A mix of awkward wakefulness and a nicotine rush is hitting me right now. It’s moments like this where I like to just think. I like listening to the mornings. In the early morning, there’s nothing but silence welcoming me. I’m not listening for any sounds, more the absence of sounds. It becomes easier to hear yourself. So I listen, enjoying the buzz.
Shakily, I breathe out. At this temperature, you can barely tell what’s smoke being exhaled or what’s just my breath. A happy couple walks past me, coughing as they walk into the cloud of smoke. I smile at their virgin lungs, still pure and healthy. They walk hand in hand, buried in conversation, too busy to notice me smiling ruefully at them. It must be wonderful to be in love. But is it love though?
Inhale.
Today, teens rush into relationships, often unable to differentiate between attraction and real feelings. The symptoms are often the same – the nervousness around them, how excited you get in anticipation, how happy you notice yourself getting around them. But do you like them for the person they are? Or is purely lust? Or do you simply want someone to cherish you? The need to belong and feel wanted is hardwired into being human. Everyone finds happiness in company – whether it’s in the form of family, friends or a significant other. Some people feel like they need to have a boyfriend to be happy. After all, who wouldn’t want someone in the world who saw you above others - where you’re the first person in his eyes, the one who’s there for you when you need someone to cheer you up, to console you, to make you feel special. This makes one question – do you like your boyfriend, or do you like what he does for you? Are you happy with your boyfriend or are you happy with the idea of having a boyfriend?
Exhale.
Let’s say, you believe that people have only honest intentions and real feelings to you. After putting your heart out so many times, only to have it handed back with a note attached with, “I’m done now, that was fun, thanks” is a bit discouraging. Just a tad bit, eh? After being hurt so many times, one can’t help of just being tired of being vulnerable. So you build a wall to protect yourself from hurt. Seal yourself off from any possible threats. Don’t get too attached and you won’t get hurt. Love is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting that they won’t. But not giving someone that power means you have a guarantee of not being hurt at all. But we’re still young. There’s no need to give up just now. We’ve just reached adulthood and there’s plenty of time to find our soul mate out there. So **** worrying about things unimportant right now. **** relationships. Just get out there, meet new people, have some fun. If you’re judged for that, **** them - you’re not doing anything wrong.
Inhale.
The words of love fly easily from people’s mouths, not realizing how it doesn’t come as easy to their hearts. People often claim, “Oh my god, he’s amazing, I’m in love! He’s just absolutely perfect.” Infatuation is where you think this person is perfect but love is where you recognize and see all the faults but you accept them and love the person regardless of them. And when you break up, after have claimed to have “loved” the person, you lost faith in love. How can you lose faith in something you never knew? But at the end of the day, even if you’re left with nothing but pain, relish in the memories you made and the moments you shared. Without pain, you cannot know happiness. Only when you have felt the exact opposite, would you know the true meaning of something in comparison. Don’t go all emo because your little girlfriend of two weeks dumped you. Move on and learn from what went wrong. We all know life lessons and things not to do, but sometimes, we do not truly understand something until we live through it ourselves. We need to make our own mistakes and learn the right thing slowly by trial by error.
Exhale.
However, there are actions that are regretted – that if only one simple thing didn’t happen, things would be so much easier right now. Things would be normal. But the past is the past and now is now. You can’t go back and change it. Denying it and ignoring it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Just move on and make an effort for change. I don’t believe in making friends of convenience. Looking back now, my close friends who I’ve known before first year, none of them went to my high school except for one, who I became friends with before she went to my school. I don’t want to be friends with who’s the closest vicinity. I choose friends who I share an actual bond with, something deeper than being forced into an area together and made to be friends. And if we do happen to share a residence or program, that’s great, it only makes it easier. My friends mean the world to me. When I came into problems with my family, my friends were there for me. Because of that, friends have practically become my family. But it’s all about effort. In Ottawa, I’d bus an hour and a half downtown to hang out with friends with means three hours of travel total. Without effort on both sides, the relationship fails. Even if one side puts in everything he/she can, there’s only so far that you can go since there’s too much imbalance which just leads to disappointment. But when you’ve done all you can, all you can do is wait and hope the other side can see the honesty in your intentions and efforts and begin to reciprocate that effort.
Inhale.
I hold out the cigarette and glance at it. There’s still quite a bit left but now, the tiredness is hitting me. My eyelids are getting heavy now as my body realizes I really shouldn’t be awake at this hour. I exhale and flick the cigarette and stomp on it, twisting it. The glowing orange embers fade like the last sparks of love and the naivety of youth.
I walk to my door, turn the key and collapse onto my bed.
Time to sleep, another day awaits me.
Thread moved by Garion (Assistant Forum Manager): From "Teen Life" as it is more suited here :).
***
Snowflakes drift lightly downwards being pulled to the earth – teasingly – almost doing a slow dance, defying gravity, trying to resist the force but ultimately, landing on the ground. I step on the fresh powder, my shoes making light imprints in the newly fallen white sheet of snow.
I pull out a cigarette out of my pack and place the filter on my lips. I try to light it, hands shaking from the cold, but the flame goes out. It takes me four tries before I get a steady flame. The fire licks around the end of the cigarette, slowly roasting it in searing flames until it’s lit. I take a slow drag and let the smoke fill my lungs.
From the advocates from school and the countless anti-smoking campaigns I was pretty against smoking but one night, while smashed, I discovered the wonders of smoking. Some people frown on my disgusting habit but I reassure them it’s not a habit – afterall, I only smoke drunk or socially. That’s what I used to tell others before it became regular. Now I stand here alone in the snow as the cold bites my fingers but I refuse to relinquish the death stick and shove my hands in my pockets. Instead I hold onto my sin stick, my coffin nail, my death wish, whatever you wish to call it.
I exhale and pull in another lungful of poisonous fumes. This time, I hold the smoke in my mouth, letting it mix with the cool air before inhaling. Occasionally I flick the excess ash at the end off in between drags. Now, my knees are shaking as the cold is getting to me but the frozen silence of the early morning is peaceful. It’s 8am. I haven’t slept yet from the night before. A mix of awkward wakefulness and a nicotine rush is hitting me right now. It’s moments like this where I like to just think. I like listening to the mornings. In the early morning, there’s nothing but silence welcoming me. I’m not listening for any sounds, more the absence of sounds. It becomes easier to hear yourself. So I listen, enjoying the buzz.
Shakily, I breathe out. At this temperature, you can barely tell what’s smoke being exhaled or what’s just my breath. A happy couple walks past me, coughing as they walk into the cloud of smoke. I smile at their virgin lungs, still pure and healthy. They walk hand in hand, buried in conversation, too busy to notice me smiling ruefully at them. It must be wonderful to be in love. But is it love though?
Inhale.
Today, teens rush into relationships, often unable to differentiate between attraction and real feelings. The symptoms are often the same – the nervousness around them, how excited you get in anticipation, how happy you notice yourself getting around them. But do you like them for the person they are? Or is purely lust? Or do you simply want someone to cherish you? The need to belong and feel wanted is hardwired into being human. Everyone finds happiness in company – whether it’s in the form of family, friends or a significant other. Some people feel like they need to have a boyfriend to be happy. After all, who wouldn’t want someone in the world who saw you above others - where you’re the first person in his eyes, the one who’s there for you when you need someone to cheer you up, to console you, to make you feel special. This makes one question – do you like your boyfriend, or do you like what he does for you? Are you happy with your boyfriend or are you happy with the idea of having a boyfriend?
Exhale.
Let’s say, you believe that people have only honest intentions and real feelings to you. After putting your heart out so many times, only to have it handed back with a note attached with, “I’m done now, that was fun, thanks” is a bit discouraging. Just a tad bit, eh? After being hurt so many times, one can’t help of just being tired of being vulnerable. So you build a wall to protect yourself from hurt. Seal yourself off from any possible threats. Don’t get too attached and you won’t get hurt. Love is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting that they won’t. But not giving someone that power means you have a guarantee of not being hurt at all. But we’re still young. There’s no need to give up just now. We’ve just reached adulthood and there’s plenty of time to find our soul mate out there. So **** worrying about things unimportant right now. **** relationships. Just get out there, meet new people, have some fun. If you’re judged for that, **** them - you’re not doing anything wrong.
Inhale.
The words of love fly easily from people’s mouths, not realizing how it doesn’t come as easy to their hearts. People often claim, “Oh my god, he’s amazing, I’m in love! He’s just absolutely perfect.” Infatuation is where you think this person is perfect but love is where you recognize and see all the faults but you accept them and love the person regardless of them. And when you break up, after have claimed to have “loved” the person, you lost faith in love. How can you lose faith in something you never knew? But at the end of the day, even if you’re left with nothing but pain, relish in the memories you made and the moments you shared. Without pain, you cannot know happiness. Only when you have felt the exact opposite, would you know the true meaning of something in comparison. Don’t go all emo because your little girlfriend of two weeks dumped you. Move on and learn from what went wrong. We all know life lessons and things not to do, but sometimes, we do not truly understand something until we live through it ourselves. We need to make our own mistakes and learn the right thing slowly by trial by error.
Exhale.
However, there are actions that are regretted – that if only one simple thing didn’t happen, things would be so much easier right now. Things would be normal. But the past is the past and now is now. You can’t go back and change it. Denying it and ignoring it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Just move on and make an effort for change. I don’t believe in making friends of convenience. Looking back now, my close friends who I’ve known before first year, none of them went to my high school except for one, who I became friends with before she went to my school. I don’t want to be friends with who’s the closest vicinity. I choose friends who I share an actual bond with, something deeper than being forced into an area together and made to be friends. And if we do happen to share a residence or program, that’s great, it only makes it easier. My friends mean the world to me. When I came into problems with my family, my friends were there for me. Because of that, friends have practically become my family. But it’s all about effort. In Ottawa, I’d bus an hour and a half downtown to hang out with friends with means three hours of travel total. Without effort on both sides, the relationship fails. Even if one side puts in everything he/she can, there’s only so far that you can go since there’s too much imbalance which just leads to disappointment. But when you’ve done all you can, all you can do is wait and hope the other side can see the honesty in your intentions and efforts and begin to reciprocate that effort.
Inhale.
I hold out the cigarette and glance at it. There’s still quite a bit left but now, the tiredness is hitting me. My eyelids are getting heavy now as my body realizes I really shouldn’t be awake at this hour. I exhale and flick the cigarette and stomp on it, twisting it. The glowing orange embers fade like the last sparks of love and the naivety of youth.
I walk to my door, turn the key and collapse onto my bed.
Time to sleep, another day awaits me.
Thread moved by Garion (Assistant Forum Manager): From "Teen Life" as it is more suited here :).