If you had a disabled child?

[Immenseman]

If you knew you were going to have one before your partner/you gave birth to the child would you want to get rid of it? If you didn't know and then gave birth to a disabled child would you then give it up for care? Or would you treat it like any other child and care for it.

I know there are different levels of disability. I mean as in you'd have to care for them around the clock and wouldn't be able to have a job. You'd have to pay a carer or you or your partner would have to stop work.

[dirrty]

if we had the option to have an abortion, then yes we would (or i'd push for it anyway). but i wouldn't give that child up for adoption - but on the other hand, i wouldn't be a carer.

[Meree.]

My brother is disabled & has muscular dystrophy. I care & look after him. So if I had a disabled child, I'd care for it & give it as much love as any other child. I would never give it up for care. At the end of the day its a human being JUST like us & shouldn't be judged for what they can't help.

[Caution]

If the child required round the clock care, probably yes. I'm assuming their life wouldn't be very pleasant, if they were dependent on someone else.

[Callum.]

i'd push for an abortion. i wouldn't want him/her to have any suffering like that.

[Smits]

I would get it aborted if i knew before, but obviously it would be a decision made with the mother, and if she didnt want to, i'd support her and the child.

If we didnt know, then i'd keep it and do the ebst we can to improve the life quality.

[Immenseman]

*uses imagination*

I think if I had a partner and they were pregnant (I'd sell my story to the sun) nah, if I knew beforehand the child would be pregnant I'd want there to be an abortion. If I didn't know until after I think I'd have to put it into care because I wouldn't be able to handle it and it's not fair on the child having a parent who wouldn't be able to love it like a normal child. I'm trying to word this as nice as possible, I don't think I'm a horrible person I just wouldn't want a disabled child.

[Roxy]

I'd get an abortion. I wouldn't want them to suffer because I couldn't look after them 24/7 or because they were limited with what they could do in their life.

[Hecktix]

I'm quite a selfish person and have high career aspirations, so that wouldn't help.

Also if that child was going to suffer, I don't think i'd be able to happily live my life knowing they couldn't fulfil theirs to the same extent.

If we didn't know it would be disabled and it turned out disabled, I would take this child and treat it as if it were any other, however if we knew it was going to have severe disabilities I don't think i'd be happy bringing a child into the world to suffer, so I would push for abortion.

[Inseriousity.]

I have an uncle with down's syndrome now living in his own flat so I'd look on the bright side of things and care for the baby. Yes there will be lows but there can be highs too if you just know where to look.

[Immenseman]

Yeah, that's true Mike but it would require so much work and effort and I know it's selfish but I'm not sure if I could put enough in. Like Oli said, I have high career aspirations too so wouldn't want to hinder those.

[Inseriousity.]

Fair enough but why abortion when there's adoption? I think the media is just scaremongering about social services and care homes as the uncle I've just described was adopted. There are thousands of infertile parents hoping for a child and some wouldn't mind taking a disabled child. I'd at least give them a chance of life!

[dirrty]

tbh people are saying they wouldn't want a disabled child because they may suffer. sure i'd probably say that in an actual situation in the future if it came about, but the truth would be that i just don't want a disabled child. i want a normal child who can live their life fully (i know disabled people can live a 'normal' life, but y'anno what i mean). sounds extremely selfish i know, but i'm sure that i'm not the only person who thinks this.

[Immenseman]

Fair enough but why abortion when there's adoption? I think the media is just scaremongering about social services and care homes as the uncle I've just described was adopted. There are thousands of infertile parents hoping for a child and some wouldn't mind taking a disabled child. I'd at least give them a chance of life!
because i would feel worse giving it up for adoption than abortion. i'd never have to think what might be happening. omg im making myself so bad but i can't help it. i just really wouldn't want a disabled child. abortion or adoption. i'd prefer to know before and get an abortion.

[Sunnily]

I'd probably go ahead with it and bring the kid up. But you can see where alot of people think about this is a different way. People think bringing them up in that way is making them struggle in life and making their life hard.

[Smits]

Fair enough but why abortion when there's adoption? I think the media is just scaremongering about social services and care homes as the uncle I've just described was adopted. There are thousands of infertile parents hoping for a child and some wouldn't mind taking a disabled child. I'd at least give them a chance of life!

I don't think i could ever give a child away once it's been born, knowing it was mine. I think putting a disabled child in a home would be bad because many people would deffinately be put off by the disbailities and it would need an awful lot of care and assistance.

[IceNineKills]

*REMOVED*

Edited by Robbie (Forum Super Moderator): Please do not make inappropriate posts

[Misawa]

The truth of the matter is, until you're in the situation, you don't know.

[adaym]

Removed
Seriously dude...

[Jay.]

My best friends sister has Cerebral Palsy and I help looking after her. Her mum has given up a career for her, and I've asked if she's happy. She argues that it's fine with her, she loves the satisfaction of looking after her children, but she would of had an abortion.

I asked her if it was ok to speak about it, then asked why. (This was ages ago as I've wanted to know this exact question:P) She argued that her daughter has always wanted to do things we do. Me and her are good friends and she loves my company, she wishes that she could walk basically. Feed herself etc. I'd do it also, for the child's benefit though, not mine.

EDIT: IceNineKills -rep, so immature and disrespectful.

[Recursion]

-rep'd IceNineKills, that's disgusting.

[N!ck]

-rep'd IceNineKills, that's disgusting.

Pretty sure he's joking.

And If I know before it was born I'd push for abortion, but if it's not until after it's born that you find out then of course I'd keep it.

[buttons]

adoption if it's born without me knowing it'll be disabled
abortion if i know it will be beforehand

i'm not taking any chances.

[Nixt]

i wouldn't go for abortion, i'd have the kid, let it grow up a little so you can get him/her life insurance then push him/her/it down the stairs.

At least you are honest.

It is a difficult question and as Misawa said, it is impossible to know unless you were in that situation. Bear in mind that I am a raving homo so it is unlikely that I will ever be placed in such a situation... Nevertheless in the event that I was:

Where it was discovered the child was disabled before his or her birth I would suggest and push for an abortion. Not so much for myself (although I would be lying if I didn't say there wouldn't be an element of selfishness) but I would not want my child to be dependent on me / his or her mother throughout his or her life. It is certainly not something I would like to happen to me and I feel an abortion would be best in this situation. However if my partner were willing to give birth to the child and care for him or her selflessly I would support that decision wholeheartedly.

Equally, if the child were born disabled and we had no previous indication as such I would say that I would keep the child, where I thought my partner and I were able to provide them appropriate care; be this paid for or my partner caring for him or her. I think I would find it immensely difficult to give up my child, regardless of his or her physical disability.

Aimed at Oli and Jake, there is no reason to say you cannot be successful if you have a disabled child. If you are determined enough to reach your goals you will. David Cameron, for example, has achieved much and his recently deceased son was severely disabled. Admittedly he had a vast support network in terms of his money and connections, nevertheless it proves it is possible.

[Bun]

i'd get it aborted beforehand. if i didn't know and it came out it would be hard to put it up for adoption, but i just don't know really.

[Immenseman]

You can't really compare the amount of support and money we'd have to a leader of the most supported party (according to polls). He'll have a decent wage, a few properties and probably could get it covered on expenses :lol:

[IceNineKills]

-rep'd IceNineKills, that's disgusting.

and abortion isn't?

[Black_Apalachi]

and abortion isn't?

Lmao good point :P

[Nixt]

and abortion isn't?

That is a matter of opinion.


You can't really compare the amount of support and money we'd have to a leader of the most supported party (according to polls). He'll have a decent wage, a few properties and probably could get it covered on expenses :lol:

Lol. He probably could. The point I was trying to make is that you can still be successful and in that success you can make caring for the disabled child easier.

[Immenseman]

yeah, that's not one of the main issues for me, just saw oli post it and realised it would be an aspect of why i wouldn't want a disabled child. abortion isn't disgusting, no.

[FlyingJesus]

Hell yeah I'd keep it you get bare benefits

[Bun]

Hell yeah I'd keep it you get bare benefits
lol that blates reminds me of last friday. went to this all day politics conference at hull uni and at the end there was a q+a with a panel, mainly mps, notably labour mp austin mitchell. anyway this lass in a wheelchair asked him about a proposal to cut disabled benefits. he was like no i'm against this idea, it would cripple a lot of fragile people. :eusa_clap

[Jordy]

I'd get the coat hanger :P

Funnily enough I asked my mother this question last weekend, and because she was quite old and I have a Downs Syndrome auntie, she had me checked for Downs Syndrome before I was born and said she would of aborted if I did have it. Certainly made me think for a minute that if I had downs syndrome I wouldn't be here but meh

Truthfully I think I would push for an abortion.

[Nixt]

I'd get the coat hanger :P

Funnily enough I asked my mother this question last weekend, and because she was quite old and I have a Downs Syndrome auntie, she had me checked for Downs Syndrome before I was born and said she would of aborted if I did have it. Certainly made me think for a minute that if I had downs syndrome I wouldn't be here but meh

Truthfully I think I would push for an abortion.

My mother has five children and she refused that test each time. She says she'd rather not know because she would then be tempted to abort and wouldn't want to do that.

[Black_Apalachi]

I'd get the coat hanger :P

Funnily enough I asked my mother this question last weekend, and because she was quite old and I have a Downs Syndrome auntie, she had me checked for Downs Syndrome before I was born and said she would of aborted if I did have it. Certainly made me think for a minute that if I had downs syndrome I wouldn't be here but meh

Truthfully I think I would push for an abortion.

Eww the coat hanger thing makes me cringe so much :eusa_sick.

You could easily make a misjudgement as to how helpless the person would actually be when they grow up. I know this is about severe disabilities that require full-time care, but let's just say from personal experience of somebody with a much less severe disability, someone could have easily assumed they wouldn't have been able to do very much but they turned out to be a perfectly able individual. The Catholic child in me would say it is playing God and could easily backfire even if you don't realise it while as an Atheist I can't think of a solid reason against it, other than it would **** up my conscience big time.

[adaym]

and abortion isn't?
that's up for debate, murder is murder.

[IceNineKills]

but manslaughter isn't.

[adaym]

but manslaughter isn't.
HIGHLY controversial.

[Inseriousity.]

Eww the coat hanger thing makes me cringe so much :eusa_sick.

You could easily make a misjudgement as to how helpless the person would actually be when they grow up. I know this is about severe disabilities that require full-time care, but let's just say from personal experience of somebody with a much less severe disability, someone could have easily assumed they wouldn't have been able to do very much but they turned out to be a perfectly able individual. The Catholic child in me would say it is playing God and could easily backfire even if you don't realise it while as an Atheist I can't think of a solid reason against it, other than it would **** up my conscience big time.

I would be gutted if someone found a cure for the disability (hey science constantly changes, you never know!) and I'd got the mother to abort the baby.

I would stop thinking about the 'what if he was healthy' and just get on with it. Easier said than done but that's what I'd try and do.

[Black_Apalachi]

I would be gutted if someone found a cure for the disability (hey science constantly changes, you never know!) and I'd got the mother to abort the baby.

I would stop thinking about the 'what if he was healthy' and just get on with it. Easier said than done but that's what I'd try and do.

Exactly. It would make me feel guilty anyway so I couldn't run the risk of an outcome like that.

[TheEclipse]

If it's that bad, I'd probably go for abortion. I don't know what I'd do if it was born and needed 24/7 care. :(

Downs Syndrome or whatever, I'd probably ... well. Still abort, if I knew in time. If not, Downs Syndrome I can live with.

[TheEclipse]

Fair enough but why abortion when there's adoption? I think the media is just scaremongering about social services and care homes as the uncle I've just described was adopted. There are thousands of infertile parents hoping for a child and some wouldn't mind taking a disabled child. I'd at least give them a chance of life!

I thought we were talking about around the clock care, possibly without any mental function, not for example, blindness or deafness or no leg function. People do not want to adopt someone that will be a 12 year old baby.

[Inseriousity.]

People do not want to adopt someone that will be a 12 year old baby.

And some people do. I have two uncles with Downs Syndrome, one is capable, the other has no mental capability at all. He's a 28 year old baby but that's 28 years he's had nevertheless.

[TheEclipse]

Was he adopted?
And a downs syndrome child/man isn't nearly as bad as the kids I know who have the mental capacity of a 6 month old, and literally must be watched 24/7. They don't learn anything. Don't know what's going on. Don't feel love.
Downs syndrome kids do.
I personally could not look after someone with absolutely no mental capacity for the rest of my life, 24/7. It's great that some people can, I can't. And I really don't think they get adopted out that much.

[Inseriousity.]

Yes I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't be able to handle it but aborting them is the solution? Not really. Yes both my uncles were adopted.

And when I say he's downs syndrome, that's the primary disability he's got. He's got various other mental health problems as well... so he needs to be watched constantly too.... or he drinks White Spirit (which is not an alcoholic drink) :P

[TheEclipse]

For me, aborting them is the solution yes. If they're embryos in my body.

[iDenning]

If it was born, no. If it wasn't born yet then id deffo push for abortion as I couldnt live with the guilt of knowing the babies going to be bullied at school and have a total **** life. And id blame myself for that. So id try and get rid of the baby :)

[TheEclipse]

Kids that bad don't get bullied at school, because they don't even have the capacity to understand it most of the time (not meaning kids with downs syndrome, I'm meaning really severely, 24/7 care kind of disabled). And you'll be the one unable to do anything much with your life.

[Hiro]

Let it live.

[Sharon]

Trying to word this as well as I can. I would have an abortion as I wouldn't find it easy to raise a disabled child. Plus its not fair on them either. If I didn't know it might pass my mind to put them in care but I would see if I could care for them for not before I considered it.

[Melsia]

I would have an abortion, I know that sounds bad but I would make a terrible parent as it is and the child would suffer. If I didn't find out until it was born then I would keep it.
It probably wouldn't that easy a solution if it actually happened though.