gangstaagent1
27-04-2010, 10:26 PM
Heya, I have a short story due and I wanna know what you think of this :D Comments/complaints please :D :love3:
On a cold, wet, spring morning, waiting to get on the school bus to go to West Wood High, Harry was splashed by a car. From his golden blond hair, to his old DC sneakers he was drenched in the cold water. As the bus came to a stop in front of him, and opened the doors, Harry took the 3 small steps to get onto the bus. Passing by the bus driver Conrad, he was stopped and told he could not enter the bus because he was drenched in water. He turns to look at Conrad and questions his decision. However, Conrad still shows him the door. Harry takes the long 10 mile walk to school. Because of this misfortune, he didn't arrive at school until the first period ended. As he walked into the school, the principal - Mr. Bubbles - passed by, and pulled him into the hallway so that he can explain why he was late. Harry told Mr. Bubbles the events that accurded that morning, however, Mr. Bubbles didn't believe him. Harry got a two week detention in room 110 every lunch hour. On the second last day of detention, he looks to his right.Two seats over he sees a very attractive girl that is staring at him. He decides to pass her a note saying: "What you in for? " Harry thinks that this will make the girl believe that he is one of the rebels in the school. The girl, passes back the note is disbelief of his action, the note saying I'm in for talking back to a teacher because I forgot to do my draft for the short story in English class. What are you in for? Passing a rotten apple to the teacher? Seeing the note, Harry's jaw drops in surprise and he didn't answer her question. After detention, Harry and the girl started talking, they decided that to meet after school to get to know each other. So, they did. After school, as planned Harry and the girl met up. As they talked, Harry completely forgot to ask her her name. Before leaving each other to go have supper, Harry remembers and asks: "By the way, I forgot your name "! The girl responds: "I didn't tell you my name..." then she walks away with a grin on her face. The next day, at school, Harry and the girl meet up once again on the last day of Harry's detention. Once again, Harry started passing a note with this girl, this time asking her name. On the note, she responds with : "My name is Autum Brownley. What's your's ?" Harry writes : "My name is Harry Prang." However, this time, the note is not passed, as a large figure shadows the two. Standing in their presence is Mr. Bubbles. He out streaches his arms and asks for the note. As he grabbs the note, he asks Harry : "Harry, who are you passing that note to?" Harry responds : "I am passing it with..." he turns and looks at the empty seat where Autum once was a few seconds before. "I-I-I" Mr Bubbles gives him a weird look and responds : " Mr. Prang, that's another week of detention for you." Harry looks up and sighs : "Yes sir." The lunch bell rang and Harry went to his next class. In class, he started to talk to his friend Tyler Higgins about Autum Brownley. Tyler said that he didn't know anyone by that name and he's probably making her up. Harry insisted that there was a girl named Autun Brownley in the school and that somehow he was gonna prove it to him. During the next week in detention everyday he saw Autum sitting in the exact same seat, however this time, Harry did not pass any notes to her. Everyday after dentition, Harry decided to try to pursway his friends that Autum was real. However, everytime they don't believe him. After his week of detention, Harry will prove once and for all, Autum Brownley's existance. That day, after school, Harry, Tyler and the rest of their gang, head over to the administration office, and ask to see the list of students. The secretary sitting at the desk, hands them the list and they begin to look through it... They search, Ba-Be-Bi-Bo- Brown, Browns, Charlson. No Brownley. All of Harry's friends turn to look at Harry. Harry, looking puzzled walks over to the lady at the desk, and asks if that is the new list of students. She nods yes, so Harry asks her : "Do you know of anyone, a student in preticular, that's name is Autum Brownley ?" The lady responds : "I am Autum Brownley." Harry stunned asks : "Anyone else besides you in this school named Autum Brownley?" She responds : "There was, but she passed away a few years ago." Harry, walks over to his friends, looking white as a ghost, thinking to himself : Could the Autum Brownley I saw really be the lady at the desk ? Could it a be a ghost...? Harry turns to ask the lady at the desk one last question, however she was no longer there.
On a cold, wet, spring morning, waiting to get on the school bus to go to West Wood High, Harry was splashed by a car. From his golden blond hair, to his old DC sneakers he was drenched in the cold water. As the bus came to a stop in front of him, and opened the doors, Harry took the 3 small steps to get onto the bus. Passing by the bus driver Conrad, he was stopped and told he could not enter the bus because he was drenched in water. He turns to look at Conrad and questions his decision. However, Conrad still shows him the door. Harry takes the long 10 mile walk to school. Because of this misfortune, he didn't arrive at school until the first period ended. As he walked into the school, the principal - Mr. Bubbles - passed by, and pulled him into the hallway so that he can explain why he was late. Harry told Mr. Bubbles the events that accurded that morning, however, Mr. Bubbles didn't believe him. Harry got a two week detention in room 110 every lunch hour. On the second last day of detention, he looks to his right.Two seats over he sees a very attractive girl that is staring at him. He decides to pass her a note saying: "What you in for? " Harry thinks that this will make the girl believe that he is one of the rebels in the school. The girl, passes back the note is disbelief of his action, the note saying I'm in for talking back to a teacher because I forgot to do my draft for the short story in English class. What are you in for? Passing a rotten apple to the teacher? Seeing the note, Harry's jaw drops in surprise and he didn't answer her question. After detention, Harry and the girl started talking, they decided that to meet after school to get to know each other. So, they did. After school, as planned Harry and the girl met up. As they talked, Harry completely forgot to ask her her name. Before leaving each other to go have supper, Harry remembers and asks: "By the way, I forgot your name "! The girl responds: "I didn't tell you my name..." then she walks away with a grin on her face. The next day, at school, Harry and the girl meet up once again on the last day of Harry's detention. Once again, Harry started passing a note with this girl, this time asking her name. On the note, she responds with : "My name is Autum Brownley. What's your's ?" Harry writes : "My name is Harry Prang." However, this time, the note is not passed, as a large figure shadows the two. Standing in their presence is Mr. Bubbles. He out streaches his arms and asks for the note. As he grabbs the note, he asks Harry : "Harry, who are you passing that note to?" Harry responds : "I am passing it with..." he turns and looks at the empty seat where Autum once was a few seconds before. "I-I-I" Mr Bubbles gives him a weird look and responds : " Mr. Prang, that's another week of detention for you." Harry looks up and sighs : "Yes sir." The lunch bell rang and Harry went to his next class. In class, he started to talk to his friend Tyler Higgins about Autum Brownley. Tyler said that he didn't know anyone by that name and he's probably making her up. Harry insisted that there was a girl named Autun Brownley in the school and that somehow he was gonna prove it to him. During the next week in detention everyday he saw Autum sitting in the exact same seat, however this time, Harry did not pass any notes to her. Everyday after dentition, Harry decided to try to pursway his friends that Autum was real. However, everytime they don't believe him. After his week of detention, Harry will prove once and for all, Autum Brownley's existance. That day, after school, Harry, Tyler and the rest of their gang, head over to the administration office, and ask to see the list of students. The secretary sitting at the desk, hands them the list and they begin to look through it... They search, Ba-Be-Bi-Bo- Brown, Browns, Charlson. No Brownley. All of Harry's friends turn to look at Harry. Harry, looking puzzled walks over to the lady at the desk, and asks if that is the new list of students. She nods yes, so Harry asks her : "Do you know of anyone, a student in preticular, that's name is Autum Brownley ?" The lady responds : "I am Autum Brownley." Harry stunned asks : "Anyone else besides you in this school named Autum Brownley?" She responds : "There was, but she passed away a few years ago." Harry, walks over to his friends, looking white as a ghost, thinking to himself : Could the Autum Brownley I saw really be the lady at the desk ? Could it a be a ghost...? Harry turns to ask the lady at the desk one last question, however she was no longer there.