Parents Fighting

[Jordy]

My parents are frequently arguing atm and my dads an incredibly aggressive and threatening guy so it often turns to physical violence with my dad, nothing too serious but as of recent I'm finding my mum being pushed to the floor etc. Whenever this happens I always separate them and have a shout at them both but I just find myself in an incredibly awkward position, I can't take sides as the other parent will just go mad at me, even if it usually is my Mum who's in the right. Although she deliberately provokes him etc.

What should I do when they're arguing and fighting? Obviously domestic violence is wrong but it's not up to me to do anything about that other than shouting at my dad. It really puts me in the most awkward and helpless of positions.

[GoldenMerc]

I sort of was in the same position about must be 5-6 years ago and they'd argue all the time and i thought it'd get physical but it never did (thank god) but instead when i used to say shut up to both of them i'd get pushed and stuff heck i've even been punched by my dad that led to me being arrested for assault when i hit him back. I think you just have to do it Jord because thank god my mums never been hurt by anyone but if they did then they would have a serious problem even if it was my dad.
But hope everything goes well for you Jord.
Ross

[Hecktix]

I think the fact you are breaking them up is really good, my stepdad was violent towards my mum and I often had to pull them apart etc - not too much violence just the kinda things you say, I don't really think that anything will stop you from defending your mum like that, that's just a natural tendancy - and yes shout at your dad for getting violent, you really should only get involved when violence does occur though, when they are just arguing you should let them have it out.

It seems as if your parents are going through a rocky time, if you're close to one or perhaps both then you could try talking to them about what's going on and see what they want. Obviously it's not right for your mum to be being pushed around like that and she shouldn't have to put up with it - nor should you have to see it so your Dad is completely in the wrong there and he needs to be told that.

It's one of those situations really that you can't really say do X and Y will happen because you don't know what will happen, you don't know if it's just a rough patch they're going through and it'll all sort itself out or if it'll continue and continue until somebody breaks. All you can do is do your best to support both parents for now and hope for it to sort itself out between them.

[Special]

just continue to break them up when they're fighting - it's the best thing you can do in situations like this

sooner or later they will realise what they're doing & say sorry

[Jordy]

Cheers +rep to all of you that's been pretty useful, I'll try support them and continue breaking them up. Just annoying that I can't sort it out as I'd like to control the situation but it's just not up to me.

[louder]

there's not really much you can do like that.
just be there for the one who's taking it harshest.

when my parents were arguing a lot, i was just there for my dad, because he didn't really have anyone else.
i'm pretty sure he appreciated it. so just try that, and it will sort itself out. whether they stop arguing, or they break up.

[Metric1]

hope to god they break up! my parents are divorced and it's the best thing that could have happened!!!!

[Nicola]

Cheers +rep to all of you that's been pretty useful, I'll try support them and continue breaking them up. Just annoying that I can't sort it out as I'd like to control the situation but it's just not up to me.

I know how you feel but it isn't your job to sort it out.

I'd say the best thing is to talk to them maybe together or individually - whichever you feel is best. Tell them how you feel about their arguing and how it's affecting you because no one should see their parents doing that, it isn't fair on you.

[-:Undertaker:-]

Take sides with the one who is in the right, it'll show the other then who the child is choosing and maybe make them think twice. High emotions and the rest.

[Catzsy]

I really think it sounds like your Mum has a lack of confidence here as she hasn't set any boundaries that he shouldn't cross and so he thinks 'in the heat of the moment' that he can resort to violence. Does it happen when he is drinking or at anytime. It could be that he is under some sort of pressure whereby if she pushes him in an argument he basically cannot cope and does this to 'resolve' the situation in the best way he thinks which of course is wrong. If it happens when he is drinking ( I have experience of this in my family) it is definitely best not to do it and wait until he is sober.
If this is the case she has some responsibilty as someone drunk is not really as capable of restraining themelves as someone sober. It really could be all sorts of things but maybe have a quiet word with them when it's not kicking off and in particular ask your Dad why he does it - he maybe bursting to tell someone that he is under some sort of pressure that could be resolved by the family in a peaceful way.

Ths website may highlight some points and help understand it better:
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/?gclid=CO7vhoP5hKMCFQlgZwodekIKdg

Having said that rows can be very helpful to clear the air which is better than bottling it all up and then really exploding. All families fight.