Neil
14-08-2010, 04:18 PM
This is a draft of something I started writing recently, I just wanted some opinions on what people thought of it really, please note that it's just a draft, I haven't gone over it yet so it may contain inconsistancys and errors.
Just wanted some opinions on what people think of it, also point out any errors and what not you notice, anything you think I can add to it, but again it's still a draft and still requires some work.
Edit - Also wasn't sure if this was the right place to post it but it made sense.
The following is fairly graphic and contains swearing
My name is Robert, it was cold, as if I was lying naked in snow, I could not see, I was blind folded and tied to a chair, where am I? The room felt empty, the only sound I could hear was a constant dripping, which is all I could hear for hours, just the dripping of what I can only assume was water.
I felt a sharp pain across my stomach, it felt like a really deep paper cut what was then put into a bucket of ice water, who did this to me? Where are they and what happened?
The last thing I remembered was walking through the woods with my girlfriend Tracey after going to that nightclub, we don’t usually go through the woods after a night out but Tracey received a call from the nursing home that her mother stayed at saying that her mother had just died, the hospital Tracey’s mother was taken too was a few minutes down the road from our house which was only a 5 minute walk if we cut through the woods, in theory it made much more practical sense to just cut through the woods, the area we lived in was a pretty nice area really so we did not really think about running into trouble, it was about 11PM when we left the nightclub, we should of been back at 11:05PM, we never got home, something happened in the woods and I could not remember what.
What happened to Tracey? Did she reach home in the end? Was she even in the same place as me? I tried yelling her name “Tracey!”, but no one responded, other than the slight echo of my voice and the dripping, it was silent.
It must of been hours by now, the dripping stopped a while ago, it was completely silent, it even felt colder, while I sat trying to figure everything out I heard a door shut, it sounded like a door from above which lead me to assume I was in a basement of some description, I heard footsteps, more than one set, I couldn’t tell how many but it was certainly at least two people, I tried calling for help hoping that one was a guest that was unaware of my captivity, “help, somebody help me!”.
The footsteps went, for a moment everything was silent again, suddenly it sounded like someone was running, it sounded like they ran down to where I was being kept, I heard the door open I cried for help one more time then I was suddenly stuck across the head with a blunt object of some description, knocked unconscious.
I woke up, I didn’t know how long I was out for, it was no longer dark, the blind fold had been removed, I wasn’t cold anymore, I looked down and saw a long cut across my stomach, it wasn’t deep but it spanned the whole width of my stomach, my legs had cuts as well, I could feel pains in my arms, they were tied behind me so I couldn’t see, my head was being restrained but some sort of clamp like device, I seemed to be in a basement, there were all sorts of tools, blades, power tools, everything you’d expect to see in a basement, apart from one thing, the room smelt foul, like some sort of combination of faeces and blood, it was quite possibly the worst smell I had ever experienced, there was no sign of Tracey or whoever it was that captured me, I sat hoping she was ok and managed to escape from them somehow, I still couldn’t remember what had happened in the woods, all I could do was sit and wait, the rope that secured my hands was nearly impossible to untie from my position.
As I sat quietly I could hear a faint noise, it sounded like someone upstairs, the noise was very quiet in comparison to the noises that my captives were making before I was knocked out so they must of been watching TV or something, I scanned around the room, hoping I could see a way to get myself untied and find an exit, sadly the room had no windows and only one door, I didn’t know what to do at this point, the smell was only making things worse, as I sat for what felt like hours suddenly movement started again, someone was walking down the stairs, I watched the door as it slowly opened, through the door walked a single person, they was wearing a mask, from the body structure I could only assume it was a male, he was quite tall, wearing a dark blue jumpsuit and a mask, the mask was very elaborate, completely covering his face it was like a custom made hockey mask, grey with red splotches across it, the mask covered his entire head though, which was unlike typical hockey masks.
He just looked at me, it must of been at least 15 seconds he just stood in the door staring at me, “what the ****? Why did you bring me here? Where is my girlfriend?” I shouted at him, he just continued to stare as if he was a mute, suddenly he started to walk towards me, he picked up a small knife while walking, he was right in front of me, suddenly he brings the knife down and pushed the entire blade into my leg, I scream out in pain and can only slightly hear him laughing a little, he removes the knife, walks to a table and places the knife on it, then walks out of the room and closes the door again, my leg was bleeding a lot, I felt the blood run down my leg, into my shoe I had never been in so much pain in my life.
Shortly after the door opened again to have a different person, again this person appeared to be male and was wearing a dark blue jumpsuit but his mask was a clown mask, quite possibly the most frightening looking clown you had ever seen, the clown baring a disturbingly large grin on his face show a full set of teeth drenched in blood, in fact if it wasn’t for the red nose and the ridiculous orange afro it would be near impossible to tell it was meant to be a clown, he seemed to be holding a bag, he walked towards me got on his knees, opened the bag and cut off the trouser leg that I had just been stabbed in, he then proceeded to bandage the wound and managed to stop the bleeding, “who are you? Why am I here?” I asked, the clown looked up, stared me in the eyes for a few seconds, slapped my recently bandaged wound and left the room as I screamed.
All I could do was think about the pain for a few minutes, after a while I began to wonder why that guy would stab me and then the other guy come and bandage it? What kind of people would do that? Judging by the slap on the wound I can only assume it was more for their benefit than mine, the stench of blood was even worse now, I just didn’t know what to do at this point, I sat in silence, praying in my head that someone would come by that isn’t part of this, hoping that maybe someone notices that I never made it, hoping that Tracey is somewhere safe and knows what happened.
Just wanted some opinions on what people think of it, also point out any errors and what not you notice, anything you think I can add to it, but again it's still a draft and still requires some work.
Edit - Also wasn't sure if this was the right place to post it but it made sense.
The following is fairly graphic and contains swearing
My name is Robert, it was cold, as if I was lying naked in snow, I could not see, I was blind folded and tied to a chair, where am I? The room felt empty, the only sound I could hear was a constant dripping, which is all I could hear for hours, just the dripping of what I can only assume was water.
I felt a sharp pain across my stomach, it felt like a really deep paper cut what was then put into a bucket of ice water, who did this to me? Where are they and what happened?
The last thing I remembered was walking through the woods with my girlfriend Tracey after going to that nightclub, we don’t usually go through the woods after a night out but Tracey received a call from the nursing home that her mother stayed at saying that her mother had just died, the hospital Tracey’s mother was taken too was a few minutes down the road from our house which was only a 5 minute walk if we cut through the woods, in theory it made much more practical sense to just cut through the woods, the area we lived in was a pretty nice area really so we did not really think about running into trouble, it was about 11PM when we left the nightclub, we should of been back at 11:05PM, we never got home, something happened in the woods and I could not remember what.
What happened to Tracey? Did she reach home in the end? Was she even in the same place as me? I tried yelling her name “Tracey!”, but no one responded, other than the slight echo of my voice and the dripping, it was silent.
It must of been hours by now, the dripping stopped a while ago, it was completely silent, it even felt colder, while I sat trying to figure everything out I heard a door shut, it sounded like a door from above which lead me to assume I was in a basement of some description, I heard footsteps, more than one set, I couldn’t tell how many but it was certainly at least two people, I tried calling for help hoping that one was a guest that was unaware of my captivity, “help, somebody help me!”.
The footsteps went, for a moment everything was silent again, suddenly it sounded like someone was running, it sounded like they ran down to where I was being kept, I heard the door open I cried for help one more time then I was suddenly stuck across the head with a blunt object of some description, knocked unconscious.
I woke up, I didn’t know how long I was out for, it was no longer dark, the blind fold had been removed, I wasn’t cold anymore, I looked down and saw a long cut across my stomach, it wasn’t deep but it spanned the whole width of my stomach, my legs had cuts as well, I could feel pains in my arms, they were tied behind me so I couldn’t see, my head was being restrained but some sort of clamp like device, I seemed to be in a basement, there were all sorts of tools, blades, power tools, everything you’d expect to see in a basement, apart from one thing, the room smelt foul, like some sort of combination of faeces and blood, it was quite possibly the worst smell I had ever experienced, there was no sign of Tracey or whoever it was that captured me, I sat hoping she was ok and managed to escape from them somehow, I still couldn’t remember what had happened in the woods, all I could do was sit and wait, the rope that secured my hands was nearly impossible to untie from my position.
As I sat quietly I could hear a faint noise, it sounded like someone upstairs, the noise was very quiet in comparison to the noises that my captives were making before I was knocked out so they must of been watching TV or something, I scanned around the room, hoping I could see a way to get myself untied and find an exit, sadly the room had no windows and only one door, I didn’t know what to do at this point, the smell was only making things worse, as I sat for what felt like hours suddenly movement started again, someone was walking down the stairs, I watched the door as it slowly opened, through the door walked a single person, they was wearing a mask, from the body structure I could only assume it was a male, he was quite tall, wearing a dark blue jumpsuit and a mask, the mask was very elaborate, completely covering his face it was like a custom made hockey mask, grey with red splotches across it, the mask covered his entire head though, which was unlike typical hockey masks.
He just looked at me, it must of been at least 15 seconds he just stood in the door staring at me, “what the ****? Why did you bring me here? Where is my girlfriend?” I shouted at him, he just continued to stare as if he was a mute, suddenly he started to walk towards me, he picked up a small knife while walking, he was right in front of me, suddenly he brings the knife down and pushed the entire blade into my leg, I scream out in pain and can only slightly hear him laughing a little, he removes the knife, walks to a table and places the knife on it, then walks out of the room and closes the door again, my leg was bleeding a lot, I felt the blood run down my leg, into my shoe I had never been in so much pain in my life.
Shortly after the door opened again to have a different person, again this person appeared to be male and was wearing a dark blue jumpsuit but his mask was a clown mask, quite possibly the most frightening looking clown you had ever seen, the clown baring a disturbingly large grin on his face show a full set of teeth drenched in blood, in fact if it wasn’t for the red nose and the ridiculous orange afro it would be near impossible to tell it was meant to be a clown, he seemed to be holding a bag, he walked towards me got on his knees, opened the bag and cut off the trouser leg that I had just been stabbed in, he then proceeded to bandage the wound and managed to stop the bleeding, “who are you? Why am I here?” I asked, the clown looked up, stared me in the eyes for a few seconds, slapped my recently bandaged wound and left the room as I screamed.
All I could do was think about the pain for a few minutes, after a while I began to wonder why that guy would stab me and then the other guy come and bandage it? What kind of people would do that? Judging by the slap on the wound I can only assume it was more for their benefit than mine, the stench of blood was even worse now, I just didn’t know what to do at this point, I sat in silence, praying in my head that someone would come by that isn’t part of this, hoping that maybe someone notices that I never made it, hoping that Tracey is somewhere safe and knows what happened.