I want my ex back, is this the right way to go about it?

[-Adam]

You have to read it all to get the jist of it.


Long story cut short (Kind of);

I first went out with her 4 years ago, for like 4 months or something. And tbh, them 4 months were some of the best
months I have ever had, but not sure about her because sometimes I treated her like crap.

I ended it in the end because of something extremely petty; she lied about smoking. It wasn't the smoking that bothered me,
it was the lying about it. Anyway, She asked me back out around 5 times after that, the last time was 2 years ago
before she gave up, (I said no everytime). Now, looking back I regret saying no.

A couple of weeks ago, I realised I wanted her back, though I didnt want to feel like that if you get me. Now, I just
accept that she is one of the best things that have ever happened to me.

I have a mate (Paul) who is mates with her. Now, being as immature as I am, I decided I cant speak to her myself unless
its on MSN or Facebook, or FTF if i know she wants to get back with me aswell. So Iv got Paul to do me a favour, and ask
if she would ever get back with me, but told him not to say that I said, but just start a coversation about ex's or
something. He hasn't done it yet, he hasn't found the right time yet. (Was this the right/wrong thing to do + why?)

Iv also told Paul that if he does not want to do it, just to let me know and I will figure something out. Well, iv been
thinking about it, and I have come up with 2 possible solutions;

1) Add her on Facebook, apologize for the way I treated her back then and see if it leads anywhere from there.
2) Me and Paul have graphics cousework catch up Tuesday nights, and I sit with Paul, while her and her friend wait for him
as they walk home with him. Her friend does her coursework in different lessons, while she sits next to Paul, but not next
to me because I sit with Paul if you get what I mean. Now, Paul just can't sit still so hes constantly wondering around
in and out of the room, leaving me and her alone. These moments often feel awkward, but I was thinking about just
randomly telling her she has nice hair, beautiful eyes or something along those lines to see where that leads.

If Paul hasn't done it in about 2 days or so, then I think im going to do one of the 2 things above.

Took me about half an hour to word this how I wanted it etc :P.

Anyway, Is this the right thing to do? Can anybody think of anything better?

[HotelUser]

Maybe building up even a small friendship with her yourself would be the best thing to do in real life. It's inevitable that this happen regardless if you two do end up dating. If you can do this then perhaps you could see the scope of the sort of relationship she'd be comfortable with having with you.

[KyoraStryker]

In all my past experience, I've found that the best way to approach an ex that you want to get back with is to be direct with her. Don't beat around the bush. Tell her why you ended it years ago, why you told her no everytime she asked you out (this reason of course being because you were upset that she lied to you and you weren't ready to give her another chance), and how you currently feel about her.

If she's a person of sound character, she'll give you a second chance, so long as you explain why you shot her requests down.

Women have a much, MUCH stronger degree of forgiveness to offer than men do, so if you keep a level head, and explain the entire story to her one moment you and her are alone, I'm sure she'll have the capacity to put past events behind her and potentially give you a second chance.

Hope things work out for you between her. Good luck, mate.

[FlyingJesus]

4 years down the line you will not be the same two people. That might work to your advantage in some aspects, but any relationship you start with her now will be a totally fresh one - you can't expect it to be the same "first love" bliss that you had before.

[Apple]

4 years down the line you will not be the same two people. That might work to your advantage in some aspects, but any relationship you start with her now will be a totally fresh one - you can't expect it to be the same "first love" bliss that you had before.

Definitely agree with this.

I went out with someone in the first couple of years in high school (7&8) but now 3 years down the line after not even speaking to her once (she sometimes looks at me when we walk past each over) I just know that we aren't the same 2 people anymore. I think that in your position even saying hi to her and starting a conversation would be enough. The best place for this to happen would be an empty classroom, perhaps it could be when you are doing your coursework? This is because outside she might just say hi but carry on walking. You need to have her isolated basically. Good luck!

[Sharon]

I think your just caring about what you want too much.. you put her through a lot and aren't really thinking about her feelings. I don't think you deserve her.. you've both probably changed on top of this.

[Jake]

Im not being funny or anything but has this like just like sprung up from a being a little envious?

You said your mate is good mates with her they walk home from school an that so i just wondered if it came from that.

But as most above said 4 years is a long time and people change and the best way would be to just start talking to her normally.

[-Adam]

Im not being funny or anything but has this like just like sprung up from a being a little envious?

You said your mate is good mates with her they walk home from school an that so i just wondered if it came from that.

But as most above said 4 years is a long time and people change and the best way would be to just start talking to her normally.

Nope, he has walked home with her since before we were together and it has never bothered me.

[Wig44.]

Maybe building up even a small friendship with her yourself would be the best thing to do in real life. It's inevitable that this happen regardless if you two do end up dating. If you can do this then perhaps you could see the scope of the sort of relationship she'd be comfortable with having with you.

If you build up a small friendship with her you will not be dating her ever again. Ever.

It sounds like you were handling things well in you previous relationship to be honest. Right now it sounds like you are getting too desperate, she will notice this. Start talking face to face with her again, find out what she is like. You need to see what she is like now and whether she is still something you want, don't let a long past relationship trick you into thinking you love her not matter what. Unless she really_really_likes you, going up to her and apologising profusely and begging to have her back/even asking for her back just makes you seem desperate.

To be honest you just need to strike up a conversation with her, realise you are different people, don't come across as desperate to have her back and see how interested she is. If she isn't interested then just leave it there - you won't change anything.

[-Adam]

Yeah, anyway I just added her on Facebook.

I joined a group that said 'I want you back, I just dont know the way to go about it'

2 minutes later she joined the exact same one, obviosuly seeing I joined it. Now, this must be obvious to her that it means her because I have 14 friends on facebook which is family, as all my friends I speak to at school I deleted as I dont see the point in having them if I see them anyway.

ANYWAY, could this possibly mean anything?

[Wig44.]

Yeah, anyway I just added her on Facebook.

I joined a group that said 'I want you back, I just dont know the way to go about it'

2 minutes later she joined the exact same one, obviosuly seeing I joined it. Now, this must be obvious to her that it means her because I have 14 friends on facebook which is family, as all my friends I speak to at school I deleted as I dont see the point in having them if I see them anyway.

ANYWAY, could this possibly mean anything?

Talk to her. If you can't tell if she is interested when talking to her face to face then you don't deserve to go out with any girls.

[Jordy]

Yeah, anyway I just added her on Facebook.

I joined a group that said 'I want you back, I just dont know the way to go about it'

2 minutes later she joined the exact same one, obviosuly seeing I joined it. Now, this must be obvious to her that it means her because I have 14 friends on facebook which is family, as all my friends I speak to at school I deleted as I dont see the point in having them if I see them anyway.

ANYWAY, could this possibly mean anything?I honestly can't believe that liking a Facebook page can be so detrimental on a relationship. The amount of times I see people liking things just to have a dig at someone or hint at things, didn't realise it actually worked for some people :P

It's certainly a good sign but never look into things too much on Facebook. My ex accused me of getting together with some other girl, I asked her why she thought this and it was because she'd been liking my status's and tagged me in some photos, fgs it doesn't mean we're getting together.

[KyoraStryker]

Facebook/Myspace (Lol?)/Twitter are sure-fire ways to kill a relationship with someone. I've seen too many of my friends lose good relationships just because of their actions on it, ergo "liking" something on Facebook.

On topic: It may possibly mean something between you two. Push the envelope and find out. No harm in asking.

Do so, however, with a sense of caution. Wig said it best:


...sounds like you are getting too desperate, she will notice this.

[BlueEyedSarah]

Aproach her, tell her your sorry for the past then ask her if she wants to go out, stop hanging around with all this waiting nonsense and getting your friends to ask her for you because its pointless and will not get you anywhere, DO IT YOURSELF BEFORE ITS TOO LATE and you regret not doing anything before.

[Callum.]

4 years ago and you're still at school? you must have been like 12?

you can't just walk up to her like that, you gotta start from scratch again, friendship and see if anything comes from it.

[Rapidshare]

U treated her like ****, good thing she lied to you.

Probs smoked due to stress you gave her.

Every girl is to be treated like a princess mate.

[lRhyss]

Something simeler happened to me. I went out with a lass in year 7 and then after 8 months I finished her because of Family problems and rage. (Puberty) I dunno why I just did

we stayed friends untill year 10 when she just started to ignore my facebooks and msn's. eventuly I gave up and left her alone. a year passed and now Im in year 11 I had her best mate approach me starting a convo with ex's and stuff. With not been stupid. I Knew it was her trying to get to me. so I just said to her mate there and then. 'tell [NAME] this was a pathetic attempt' also I found this the perfect time to because frends with her because that day (Not because of that reson) I came out to my mates for like the first time. (Yes Im Gay get over it) so now she has an 'Ex, Gay, Best Mate ;')

[Wig44.]

U treated her like ****, good thing she lied to you.

Probs smoked due to stress you gave her.

Every girl is to be treated like a princess mate.

Uhuh, if you want to be her emotional tampon then sure, go ahead. If you want her to find you boring (giving someone what they want, not arguing, always submitting - it's really really boring) then go ahead. Or you could have fun with her. Joke to her and about her, don't take her or yourself so seriously, if she is too uptight and takes things too seriously then you can move on. There are hundreds like her and thousands better in your local area - guaranteed. Obviously I don't mean be an ******* but there is a reason why nice guys finish last.

[KyoraStryker]

Uhuh, if you want to be her emotional tampon then sure, go ahead. If you want her to find you boring (giving someone what they want, not arguing, always submitting - it's really really boring) then go ahead. Or you could have fun with her. Joke to her and about her, don't take her or yourself so seriously, if she is too uptight and takes things too seriously then you can move on. There are hundreds like her and thousands better in your local area - guaranteed. Obviously I don't mean be an ******* but there is a reason why nice guys finish last.

Another point well made. If you hit that "friend zone" with her, you can kiss whatever relationship you thought you'd get into with her goodbye. I'm sure someone else said the same thing I just did in an earlier post, but I can't be asked to find who. It's almost bedtime for me. >.>

[Rapidshare]

Noo..He admits he nasty to her.

Surely it not love if he calling her fat or whatever.

Suppose what he meant by being nasty to her anyways.

[-Adam]

Noo..He admits he nasty to her.

Surely it not love if he calling her fat or whatever.

Suppose what he meant by being nasty to her anyways.

Nah, just accusing her of cheating, sometimes with a girl and calling her a lesbian





ANYWAY

This has been sorted out. Has worked out amazing, it turns out she likes me aswell. Thankyou for all the great advice posted on here :)

[Yupt]

Form a friendship with her again, talk etc. And let her remind herself of why she loved you in the first place, then your sorted.

[qaxzsw]

Something simeler happened to me. I went out with a lass in year 7 and then after 8 months I finished her because of Family problems and rage. (Puberty) I dunno why I just did

we stayed friends untill year 10 when she just started to ignore my facebooks and msn's. eventuly I gave up and left her alone. a year passed and now Im in year 11 I had her best mate approach me starting a convo with ex's and stuff. With not been stupid. I Knew it was her trying to get to me. so I just said to her mate there and then. 'tell [NAME] this was a pathetic attempt' also I found this the perfect time to because frends with her because that day (Not because of that reson) I came out to my mates for like the first time. (Yes Im Gay get over it) so now she has an 'Ex, Gay, Best Mate ;')

People like you really piss me off. No-one was having a digg at you for being gay, so you don't need to be defensive for no reason.

If it was me, I basically would leave it. You both have probably changed over 4 years. If you've only realised now you probably didn't love her that much.

[Wig44.]

People like you really piss me off. No-one was having a digg at you for being gay, so you don't need to be defensive for no reason.

If it was me, I basically would leave it. You both have probably changed over 4 years. If you've only realised now you probably didn't love her that much.

I completely agree with you - I have no problem with gay people but the in your face, defensive, whatcha-gun-do-bout it gays give the gay community a bad name and piss me off.

[myke]

lol i know the feeling sometimes.

try making a friendship and building on it, try and show her you've changed without being over the top