[Poem] You know what She'd do

[Narnat,]

Heya,

I started writing a poem called ''You know what she'd do'' for English it's about a girl who had an eating disorder. I have only wrote the first Stanza but yeah tell me what you think.

She'd look down at her dinner and feel ashamed,
She'd say shes not hungry and walk away.
Her tummy would rummy wuld rumble and grumble too!
She'd sit by the toilet and you know what she'd do.

[dbgtz]

Hmm, what year are you in may I ask?

Personally, I think the best poems are never too obvious in what is happening. Also the 3rd line seems a bit odd "would rummy would rumble", sorry I don't understand that :P I think the 3rd line seems a bit light hearted in comparison with the rest, I think if that's reworded to be a bit more serious like the rest it would be a decent poem. It flows quite well.

[ChickenFaces]

It seems a little... not so serious. Compared to the gravity of the poem's topic. If that's what you're trying to get at with your poem, you got it. However if you're trying to make it a serious poem the wording shouldn't really sound like a child's poem [Referring to the third line.] :)

[wiktoria]

The third line is a bit unclear but the rest is quite good. I would like to see the poem when you have finished writing it :)

[Narnat,]

Ahhh fail! It should say rumble and grumble too

[Toasten]

It's ok but why poems about eating disorders? :) I hate poems. Don't like studying them!

[Inseriousity.]

It seems a little... not so serious. Compared to the gravity of the poem's topic. If that's what you're trying to get at with your poem, you got it. However if you're trying to make it a serious poem the wording shouldn't really sound like a child's poem [Referring to the third line.] :)

I agree with this. The tone of the poem doesn't match the topic imo