Tell or keep it quiet?

[blackops121]

Hey, I've been through problems before and thanks to the people on this i've managed to get through them, but now I have another problem and thought why not come back to the people that care.

So basically I'm extremely close to this girl, and I always knew that she has gave 3 guys head and they have poked her, amongst other sexual things, But they were at parties when she was drunk, and I always thought it was 3 different occasions, and that she wanted it... Well I'm sure by now you can see where i'm going with this... I just recently discovered from her when she was drunk and didn't mean to tell me, that actually these 3 guys were at the same party, on the same night, and that it wasn't on seperate occasions, they done things at the same time, and the 3 guys just swapped around with her, I got EXTREMELY annoyed at this fact, but then when she started crying like i've never seen her cry before, I questioned more into the situation, and found out that she didnt want it all, they took advantage of the fact she was drunk and managed to persuade her to follow them somewhere, she did so and when she realised what they were attempting to do, she tried to run away, but they wouldn't let her leave and forced her to do things she didn't want to do, she was only 15 at the time so too weak and drunk to do anything about the situation, so just had to lay there and accept what the 3 guys were doing to her and making her do to them, and it was only when all 3 of them were finished with her that they walked away and left her.

She knows who the guys are.

I'm so annoyed at this, I never knew there was people so sick in the world that would want to do this to anyone at all, nevermind a 15 year old girl, it makes me sick and my knuckles are so bruised from punching stuff because of my anger over it, If I had the chance I swear I would kill them, and she knows it so she wont even tell me their names.

She has told me she has never told anyone because she feels humiliated over the entire thing, and I feel really torn about what I should do, I told her I was going to tell someone, or even the police, but she started crying and throwing things and saying if I ever told anyone she would remove me from her life, Which I really don't want cause we are so close, but I don't feel it is right to just sit back and let her suffer in silence, cause its obvious shes pretty much scarred by what happened.

What should I do?

[Niall!]

She can cry rape. As much as it sounds like she wanted it, any woman can get a man arrested if they decide what they did was to ******.

[blackops121]

I asked what I should do, not your opinion on whether you thought she wanted it or not, She definetly didn't want it, I know her, and i've never seen her to be a person to let emotions get to her, but the way she cried to me was definetly real, she could never fake a cry like that.

Can someone please just give me advice on what to do?

[matt$]

well to me it sounds like she wanted it too, but doesn't want people knowing about it because they'll think shes a ***** therefore the crying, if she really didn't want it she'd want to see the people who did it to her get punished.

[Richie]

Personally I think she's lying, she done it at her own will, otherwise she'd allow you to tell the police.

Although it's disgusting, forget the past and move on.

[Stephen]

She totally wanted it

You're punching stuff cos you're jealous you didn't get to poke her

[ben]

get her drunk

Edited by Matts (Forum Super Moderator): Please don't post pointlessly.

[blackops121]

She didn't want it. She doesn't want anything to happen though cause she feels humiliated.

I thought i'd be able to get some help from people here, I guess not, some people are so immature and horrible.

[Stephen]

Oh she must of been telling the truth obviously because she would never lie to you!!!11

Yeah wake up and realise that she could be lying

But if you still think she's telling the truth then I'm all for you calling the police

[Richie]

Oh she must of been telling the truth obviously because she would never lie to you!!!11

Yeah wake up and realise that she could be lying

But if you still think she's telling the truth then I'm all for you calling the police

this


Call the police then.

[ben]

fight for what you believe in

[Narnat,]

I think you need to respect her and do as she asks. It would be different if this happened like last weekend. She has to live with it.. isn't that enough? rather than making her live through it again to get something done about it?

[..ValOwnsYou..]

I think you need to respect her and do as she asks. It would be different if this happened like last weekend. She has to live with it.. isn't that enough? rather than making her live through it again to get something done about it?

I totally agree with this. I think you should trust her. But if it happens again, its obvious that she wanted it. Drunk or not, it was her choice.

[Jordy]

Personally I think she's probably just saying that to get rid of some of the guilt and set the rumour straight. Let's face it, it's probably been spread round and most girl's reputations would be damaged by this tbh so they'd say anything to try shrug it off (Possibly why she's so opposed to you going to you the police etc).

You need to get to grips with things going wrong when they're drunk, people regretting things and others taking advantage of drunk people. Most people regret something whilst drunk, it's an all too common aspect of drinking which you can't change. And people will always take advantage of drunk people, yes it's rather low but it [i]will[i] be done whether your 15 at house parties or older at clubs. There's nothing illegal about it though, some people just have low morals I guess. It's also their fault somewhat as it was their choice to get drunk, they must deal with the consequences.

[kuzkasate]

Do not go to the police yourself, it will definately be and end between you two, the best thing you could do, is talk her round to it. Make HER go to the police, persuade her, so then its her choice and see will see that you actually care and want to do something, but I imagine its gonna be quite a long time before she finally has the guts to go to the police, but if these lads aren't going to be stopped now, it could lead to worse things when they grow up, even rape.

[ChickenFaces]

Why tear open old wounds? The chances of her getting the police involved and actually getting these three guys convicted is slim to none in her case. It's been way too long since it's happened and there is simply not much evidence to prove that she did 'want it' or not. That's the thing that happens in rape cases. The conviction ultimately comes from whether or not she did or didn't want it. And how can someone prove that? You can't. It's near impossible. Especially when the biggest factor-- alcohol comes into the mix. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but in reality it's better to let sleeping dogs lie and live with it.

[beth]

yr a mug. she's a ****.

[blackops121]

Okay, thanks to those who replied to actually help.

I'm still really unsure what to do, but if i'm honest I agree that I doubt anything will happen to the people if I do manage to persuade her to go to the police, I could bring it up now and then and see what she says, but I think she'll just end up crying again or something, and I don't see a point in as someone said, Tearing open the wound, so i'll just.. I'll just try forget about it and let it lie if she definitely doesn't want to go to the police about it.

Although to the people who think she is a **** and wanted it, she isn't. I'm sure it was just because she was drunk and didn't think it through properly, if she wanted it then she wouldn't have tried to run away, and she wouldn't cry about it and stuff. I'm sure of it, I know her.
But I could be wrong.

[Catzsy]

Okay, thanks to those who replied to actually help.

I'm still really unsure what to do, but if i'm honest I agree that I doubt anything will happen to the people if I do manage to persuade her to go to the police, I could bring it up now and then and see what she says, but I think she'll just end up crying again or something, and I don't see a point in as someone said, Tearing open the wound, so i'll just.. I'll just try forget about it and let it lie if she definitely doesn't want to go to the police about it.

Although to the people who think she is a **** and wanted it, she isn't. I'm sure it was just because she was drunk and didn't think it through properly, if she wanted it then she wouldn't have tried to run away, and she wouldn't cry about it and stuff. I'm sure of it, I know her.
But I could be wrong.


If she reported it to the police it would get taken very seriously. I am guessing she knows their names at least. If she doesn't want to go to the police then I suggest she at least talks it through with a professional counsellor. What they did was despicable and against the law. It sounds like they acted like a bunch of animals to me and the fact she was drinking does not excuse that behaviour and what she has to bear in mind that if it happened to her and they got away with it it us very likely it will happen to somebody else. Has she confided in her parents? There is a support line here.
http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/rape_sexual-assault.php

[blackops121]

Well she does know them, she just doesn't talk to them because of what happened, so i'm sure if she went to the police something could be done quite easily, as she also told me that she thinks there was another girl there aswell that was made to do things, but she didn't know who the girl was.

She hasn't told anyone else except for me, She told me she wasn't even wanting to tell anyone about it, she only told me because I had said something to her that upset her, and when I asked why it had upset her she told me what had happened, and she was drunk when she told me too.

Also, Thanks for that support line Catszy, but the thing is I'm not sure she is willing to tell anyone, she feels really humiliated by it all, and I'm trying to persuade her to do something about it, but she just gets really sad and annoyed when I bring it up, do you know what I should say to her to make her feel more comfortable with perhaps going to the police? or even talking to an help line?

[Catzsy]

Well she does know them, she just doesn't talk to them because of what happened, so i'm sure if she went to the police something could be done quite easily, as she also told me that she thinks there was another girl there aswell that was made to do things, but she didn't know who the girl was.

She hasn't told anyone else except for me, She told me she wasn't even wanting to tell anyone about it, she only told me because I had said something to her that upset her, and when I asked why it had upset her she told me what had happened, and she was drunk when she told me too.

Also, Thanks for that support line Catszy, but the thing is I'm not sure she is willing to tell anyone, she feels really humiliated by it all, and I'm trying to persuade her to do something about it, but she just gets really sad and annoyed when I bring it up, do you know what I should say to her to make her feel more comfortable with perhaps going to the police? or even talking to an help line?

Well if it happened to me I am sure I would feel sad and humiliated as well. Not to mention feeling worthless.
I would go to the Police but then I am older and she is only 15. Maybe text her with the helpline so she can decide whether or not to look at it without any pressure? Other than that all you can do is say you will be there for her, listen to her and support her through it. Talkin about the event a lot is a symptom of the shock she has had and is part of the process of getting though it. Hopefully she will start feeling angry too and then report it. Lots of people wouldn't say anything to anybody and bottle it up for years so you must be a special friend to her and at least she is talking about to you.

[blackops121]

No this happened to her when she was 15, shes no longer 15, shes 16. so she keeps using the excuse it happened 'ages' ago, so it should be left alone, but i'm trying to say to her that if we leave it, then it might happen to even more people.
I'll just talk to her about it and see if I can help her through it, and maybe talking about it will make her realise she should talk to an helpline or go to the police. I'll try not pressure her into doing it, but i'll let her know of the helpline.

[Catzsy]

No this happened to her when she was 15, shes no longer 15, shes 16. so she keeps using the excuse it happened 'ages' ago, so it should be left alone, but i'm trying to say to her that if we leave it, then it might happen to even more people.
I'll just talk to her about it and see if I can help her through it, and maybe talking about it will make her realise she should talk to an helpline or go to the police. I'll try not pressure her into doing it, but i'll let her know of the helpline.

Well it sounds like she maybe needs a bit of counselling. I think you are doing all you can in the circumstances so just carry on supporting here. After telling her about the helpline I suggest you leave the subject unless she brings it up. :)

[blackops121]

Okay, Thank you Catszy :). I'll give her the helpline and leave her to decide what to do.
Is that only a Phone call Helpline? Or can she email aswell? i'm sure she would prefer email if she was to do it.

[FlyingJesus]

Persuading a drunk girl to do things is not the same as "forcing" someone into a fatal fourway. If you're too out of it to move away or consciously shut your mouth you're definitely too drunk to go through with the actions so she can't have been passed out or anything. Stuff happening to her (as in one-way) I can believe being a forced event but unless they were threatening her with violence then her triple performance upon their persons was something she did herself

[blackops121]

I'm pretty sure that her trying to run away, Push them off, And them grabbing her and pushing her to the floor and physically making her do things and forcing themselfs upon her is being forceful, and unwilling on her part.

[beth]

I'm pretty sure that her trying to run away, Push them off, And them grabbing her and pushing her to the floor and physically making her do things and forcing themselfs upon her is being forceful, and unwilling on her part.

and you know they did that how?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfrIY2Yw6cw&feature=fvst

[Glen Coco]

She could be lying, but she might not be.
Just because she doesn't want to tell people doesn't mean she's lying. She might not want to tell for many reasons; she may be embarrassed, she may be scared her parents will find out and be ashamed of her, she may think it's her fault.
there's lot of reasons.
Just let her know that it wasn't her fault, it was the people's that did it and let her know that, if in time, she feels as though she wants to let someone know, go with her and tell her you're always there to support her.
just don't go without her or do anything off you're own back; just make she that she's okay.

[Metric1]

omg legit dying at this thread

ur m8 is a prostitute.

[e5]

Do as she wishes. Its not something that you notice effects her is it? Just be there for here, and look after he in time of need.

[Ipswich]

thanks for the giggles at 1:20 am
your a mug. shes a ****.

bring her to mine and il talk to her over a bottle of vodka

[Casanova]

Whether I think she wanted it or not, she could go to the police as it's against the law to commit a sexual act with a minor.
It's only 'allowed' if they're over 14, it's consentual AND she doesn't make a formal complaint. Making a complaint means it's then investigated and it's still seen as sexual acts with a minor... whether she wanted it or not.

I think there's a possibility she wanted it, but not all of it? maybe she didn't fully grasp what was happening and didn't assume it was the three of them. Got in way too deep and let it continue. It would be very difficult without physical violence or threat of it to force someone to give you a blow job.

Either way, tell her to get to her doctors for support.