Looking for some advice

[Jack!]

Well, I've never posted in this section before, I dont think, but basically im looking for some help and guidance

Me and a girl i've known for around 4 years now, over the past, i would say 2 years have gotten really close, we talk all the time, and became really close friends, everyone at our college says we should date, but the thing is there is another guy involved, but he is like, 2 years older then her, they hardly talk and see each other, yet she says she loves him, now the other week, we kissed for the first time, but it was like, kiss/make out kinda thing, and it has happened a lot since, We have been dating now, since saturday. And well, today she has gone shopping with him to find a new dress, and im just kinda worked up about the fact that something might happen, But i've not said anything because they have had it organised for a few weeks, and i dont want to screw stuff up because I dont want to lose her, I love her to much, But yet he doesnt know that we are together, she says she will tell him today but im not to sure if she will or not :/ She said to me yesterday that she still really like him, but just as friends, and i have no idea what i should do, any advice is welcomed

We talk all the time basically, and she says that she would never leave me, I just dont know what i should do, Its took a long time for us to get like this and to be going out, she says she dont want to lose him as a friend, yet he doent know yet, and they still act the same with each other, Gosh, i dont know
:/

Apologies for the grammer/spelling. rushing it

[Nemo]

You gotta set boundaries for this girl. She sounds like she's stringing you along until something better (him) comes. Just tell her, in a least needy way as possible, that you aren't ok with her seeing him and acting the way she does around him still. Make it clear you aren't restricting her from having guy friends or whatever, its just because of her history with him (love's a pretty big word), you dont feel comfortable and feel its putting a strain on the relationship.

ta da.

[Accipiter]

Go all bad ass and ride up to her on a stallion, grab her arm and pull her onto the back, and be all "Fairwell peasant, you've failed yourself".

Think that sentence got weak towards the end :(, not good at medieval crap.

Don't be too clingy, you could lose her through that, don't stalk her every move etc, let her do what she wants, if she goes with him and leaves you, it's clear she will never have the same feelings that you do for her.

It's always hard letting go of your first true love, but you need to do it if she does do anything.

[Jack!]

She has asked me how i felt like, her going shopping with him and stuff, but I just said it was fine, because i didn't want to start anything, She knows that im a bit iffy about it, and has apologized and stuff and said how its too late to change the plans and stuff now and that she needs to get a dress for this party she going too, thats he's gunna be there too :/, I just feel like everytime she see's him/speaks about him, she cares about me less kinda thing

[Accipiter]

If you make her feel guilty / disappointed in herself she's clearly going to have less feelings for you.

You probably aren't holding a brave enough / positive enough face when you tell her its fine.

[Jack!]

If you make her feel guilty / disappointed in herself she's clearly going to have less feelings for you.

You probably aren't holding a brave enough / positive enough face when you tell her its fine.

But she never asked untill today over MSN, if I was okay, with it, I just put yeah, like I would to anything else, (She just left to meet him) I don't try to make her feel like that at all, im always there for her for anything, and then there's this, where i just feel like its a subject neither of us want to talk about

[Accipiter]

Talk about it then!

If he's 2 years older than her you can basically shun him off like "Those kind of ages gaps don't work when you're this young, all they do is make you feel wanted for a month or so and you'll realise."

[Jack!]

Talk about it then!

If he's 2 years older than her you can basically shun him off like "Those kind of ages gaps don't work when you're this young, all they do is make you feel wanted for a month or so and you'll realise."

I'll try to I guess, and its not that, because she has liked him for a long time, And I know he likes her too, He is 18 taking his final exams, and he doesn't want a relationship till he is done with them, so it just feels like im filling the gap until he says he is ready kinda thing.

[Accipiter]

Surely he'll be going to uni?

Or are you american, but even then, surely he'll be going to the equivalent of uni there, aka college.

[Jack!]

I don't know, maybe, im not sure, Neah English.
I just texted her saying it just seems like whenever you speak to him you speak less to me, and she basically said how does it, We seem the same to me :/

[Nemo]

I don't know, maybe, im not sure, Neah English.
I just texted her saying it just seems like whenever you speak to him you speak less to me, and she basically said how does it, We seem the same to me :/
eh nononono, abort abort. That's so unbelievably needy. You just wanna, as i said before which you seem to have ignored, set some boundaries. Tell her that you don't like it when she hangs around him and flirts with him still. You dont need to be, no, you shouldnt be all needy and be like "why u no like me so much anymore pls like me more", that'll just turn her off you even more.

[Jack!]

eh nononono, abort abort. That's so unbelievably needy. You just wanna, as i said before which you seem to have ignored, set some boundaries. Tell her that you don't like it when she hangs around him and flirts with him still. You dont need to be, no, you shouldnt be all needy and be like "why u no like me so much anymore pls like me more", that'll just turn her off you even more.

Yeah true, she said she could see my point, i said about how she seems to be the same with him, even when were together kinda thing, Yeah I know.

[.x.miss.angel.x]

Just ask her whats going on. Just say, Do you really like me, or am i the next best thing until you can get the first choice. Otherwise, you could get hurt and she will just scamper off... Good luck!

[Jack!]

Just ask her whats going on. Just say, Do you really like me, or am i the next best thing until you can get the first choice. Otherwise, you could get hurt and she will just scamper off... Good luck!

Well, it turns out yesterday while shopping she explained everything to him, I had a facebook message from him confirming this, how he is happy for us both, and that he explained to her how it would of never worked between them anyway, with the age gap etc, and now we've said we would meet up on Monday, from what i can see its a kinda no hard feelings thing for us both. her idea :L but yeah, everything appears to be okay now

[Katty24]

Only just read this, but if you have any more problems or you're worried about something with her and that, arrange to meet up and talk about it. Not over MSN, not over Facebook, actual person-to-person contact. (:

I kinda know how you feel, I remember being with a guy and like we argued so much over Facebook and MSN but we never actually spoke something out or confronted each other in person - always on the 'net. In the end we broke up and stuff. But yeah, if anything crops up again, go round her house unexpectedly or something and just talk it out in a matter like you were friends or similar if you get what I mean. :)

[Nicola]

I'm glad to see that you're feeling a little better about it, but the best thing to do it talk about it whenever you get the feelings because it's a tricky situation, and if you don't talk about it it just builds up inside you and makes you incredibly paranoid which is when everything gets messy.


Only just read this, but if you have any more problems or you're worried about something with her and that, arrange to meet up and talk about it. Not over MSN, not over Facebook, actual person-to-person contact. (:

I kinda know how you feel, I remember being with a guy and like we argued so much over Facebook and MSN but we never actually spoke something out or confronted each other in person - always on the 'net. In the end we broke up and stuff. But yeah, if anything crops up again, go round her house unexpectedly or something and just talk it out in a matter like you were friends or similar if you get what I mean. :)

I agree with the whole face to face thing. Sometimes I don't think people realise how upset you can be about something until they see your emotions face to face, it's not as personal and close over MSN, facebook etc.

[Jack!]

I'm glad to see that you're feeling a little better about it, but the best thing to do it talk about it whenever you get the feelings because it's a tricky situation, and if you don't talk about it it just builds up inside you and makes you incredibly paranoid which is when everything gets messy.

I agree with the whole face to face thing. Sometimes I don't think people realise how upset you can be about something until they see your emotions face to face, it's not as personal and close over MSN, facebook etc.

We spent today together, everything is okay now, I think it was just me worrying about everything, we are better then ever now, Thanks to everyone for the advice :)

[Narnat,]

I agree with the whole face to face thing. Sometimes I don't think people realise how upset you can be about something until they see your emotions face to face, it's not as personal and close over MSN, facebook etc.

I totally agree with what Nicola has said also you really need to tell her to get herself sorted out you can't go with two people.