[+15] Social Issues

[Richie]

Firstly I thought it was my school but it really isn't, Its me. I'm pretty sure I have huge social problem, whoever I speak to if they are not a close friend I get nervous. It makes no sense at all because I'm not scared of them or anything. When I think about being nervous it makes me laugh at myself because it really is silly.

I speak to people online fine, on skype fine, but in reality it's different. Fair enough I should get out more and work on it but I have honestly tried.

I first thought it was just the people in my school I didn't "click with" but then I realised it's the same in work. In work it's a team effort and sometimes when they try talk to me without realising I try to exclude myself. If I'm in a friends house and his parents talk to me it can sometimes become awkward and I just get angry with myself because I don't know why I am like this.

I'm a nervous wreck and I don't know why, what can I do to solve my problem?

[Triz]

I'd say that you an generally a shy person.. you need to feel more confident around other people, especially strangers, find a common ground with someone who you don't know and start talking, even if this starts on MSN or a social networking site, once you find something you can talk about, it'll escalate from there and you'll find yourself having a convo with that person. Once you conquer 1 person, it'll get easier talking to other people that you don't know, as your confidence builds.

[Aidenn]

I used to be like this, i severely lacked good communication skills, its only through doing certain things and getting good at them made me more confident in speaking to other people (i nearly said users then, -facepalm-)

i wouldnt say everyone does it, but usually when people talk to the opposite sex, they are nervous then (opposite if they are straight ofc).

I'd just reccomending speaking to people you dont know, engage in a conversation, fact at ice skating when im teaching i spend most of my time speaking to the teachers and headteachers of which i dont realise im doing it, until friends/collegues come up to me and say.. "you just love talking dont you?"

[Richie]

I'd say that you an generally a shy person.. you need to feel more confident around other people, especially strangers, find a common ground with someone who you don't know and start talking, even if this starts on MSN or a social networking site, once you find something you can talk about, it'll escalate from there and you'll find yourself having a convo with that person. Once you conquer 1 person, it'll get easier talking to other people that you don't know, as your confidence builds.

That's good advice although I have tried this but when I'm in the situation I just want to leave and get out of there. I swear I'm mentally ill, I try to avoid looking in mirrors and any conversation I'm in I try to escape from. I used to be a really fun guy that had no problems, I could talk to anyone then I think I had a midterm break for a week, went back to school and everything had changed. Surely if I was mental things wouldn't change that fast, would they?

---------- Post added 31-05-2011 at 04:28 PM ----------


I used to be like this, i severely lacked good communication skills, its only through doing certain things and getting good at them made me more confident in speaking to other people (i nearly said users then, -facepalm-)

i wouldnt say everyone does it, but usually when people talk to the opposite sex, they are nervous then (opposite if they are straight ofc).

I'd just reccomending speaking to people you dont know, engage in a conversation, fact at ice skating when im teaching i spend most of my time speaking to the teachers and headteachers of which i dont realise im doing it, until friends/collegues come up to me and say.. "you just love talking dont you?"

I get on well with some people in work, like chef but very rarely feel comfortable in a conversation with someone my own age. As for girls I used to be really nervous speaking to them if I liked them but honestly, even if the girl I'm speaking to isn't attractive I feel nervous, I don't know why it's so frustrating. When I was 12 - 14 I mainly hung out with these two girls I knew and had no problem now with anyone it's a problem.

[Triz]

That's good advice although I have tried this but when I'm in the situation I just want to leave and get out of there. I swear I'm mentally ill, I try to avoid looking in mirrors and any conversation I'm in I try to escape from. I used to be a really fun guy that had no problems, I could talk to anyone then I think I had a midterm break for a week, went back to school and everything had changed. Surely if I was mental things wouldn't change that fast, would they?

Then try younger people. I think your afraid of people judging you. We all judge people, from how they talk to what they wear.. So start young, talk to kids; kids don't care what you look like or how you speak/what you wear to a certain extent, they tend not to judge anyone, if your funny/cool they'll like you regardless. So try talking to them first? It'll all be about re-building your confidence; or if young people are worse for you then try older people. I find them SO easy to talk too, you can spark up a conversation about next to anything and they will help you expand on it.. I was at the bus stop a few years back and I had about a 10 minute convo with an old lady about the weather.. I don't think I could possibly talk about the weather for that long to any of my mates.

[Richie]

Then try younger people. I think your afraid of people judging you. We all judge people, from how they talk to what they wear.. So start young, talk to kids; kids don't care what you look like or how you speak/what you wear to a certain extent, they tend not to judge anyone, if your funny/cool they'll like you regardless. So try talking to them first? It'll all be about re-building your confidence; or if young people are worse for you then try older people. I find them SO easy to talk too, you can spark up a conversation about next to anything and they will help you expand on it.. I was at the bus stop a few years back and I had about a 10 minute convo with an old lady about the weather.. I don't think I could possibly talk about the weather for that long to any of my mates.

I can picture myself going to a playground and sitting on the slide sparking up a conversation with a child LOL. Really though, children are worse around my way children are brought up different so they can be very nasty. I know this may be funny but sometimes kids have said stuff like "you have boobies" or "you big fat man" lol even I laugh about it because they haven't a clue. As for adults the older the person is the easier it's for me to speak to them. I can't continue to speak to adults all my life, I wish I could just change. I went out the other day to a club for my graduation, I was drunk, got on great with everyone in my year.

[Triz]

I can picture myself going to a playground and sitting on the slide sparking up a conversation with a child LOL. Really though, children are worse around my way children are brought up different so they can be very nasty. I know this may be funny but sometimes kids have said stuff like "you have boobies" or "you big fat man" lol even I laugh about it because they haven't a clue. As for adults the older the person is the easier it's for me to speak to them. I can't continue to speak to adults all my life, I wish I could just change. I went out the other day to a club for my graduation, I was drunk, got on great with everyone in my year.

Well then that proves that people do and can like you if you just pop out of the shell your hiding in. I guess you should just gradually start talking to younger people, find out what age it is where you start feeling uncomfortable and just work with it.. The only way to overcome something like this is to face it. Otherwise you'll just continue to feel un-easy talking to younger people you don't know.

[Richie]

But it shouldn't take alcohol for me to be me, I should be me all the time and that's what annoys me. When I'm around new people I know I'm not me but when I'm around close friends I am.

[buttons]

how about strangers? i find strangers are the easiest to talk to, especially old people :) I don't mean just go up to someone and talk that would be weird but I don't know, take up an activity or club and start talking then? first impressions count so it's hard to go from that shy person to someone fun when everyone already knows you so I'd definitely try a new fresh start somewhere. even just talking to the people behind the till or something, people aren't that bad.... there are plenty willing to talk to you. just make the effort, if they ignore you or disrespect you then brush it off. why would you want to be friends with someone like that anyway? yeah people are gonna judge you, you'd be stupid to expect otherwise but after a while your looks won't matter if that's what really bothers you. just fake your confidence till you have it.
if you think it's a mental problem which is possible then go to your doctor, I know how easy it is to say this but difficult to do but its either that or do it yourself. if you can't do it for yourself then how can anyone else?

honestly, I was in your situation and I'm not totally over it but once you're comfortable with people it's worth it.
you have to make the effort to talk to people or it's never going to happen. idk what else to suggest. I'm not sure what's caused it but maybe you're just spending too much time thinking and not enough doing :p

[Aidenn]

Volunteer work also may help you, obviously youll be nervous at first, and it will probably start off as the Hi-Hi, Bye-Bye conversation.

But if your willing to try believe me it will work for you =]

[Richie]

how about strangers? i find strangers are the easiest to talk to, especially old people :) I don't mean just go up to someone and talk that would be weird but I don't know, take up an activity or club and start talking then? first impressions count so it's hard to go from that shy person to someone fun when everyone already knows you so I'd definitely try a new fresh start somewhere. even just talking to the people behind the till or something, people aren't that bad.... there are plenty willing to talk to you. just make the effort, if they ignore you or disrespect you then brush it off. why would you want to be friends with someone like that anyway? yeah people are gonna judge you, you'd be stupid to expect otherwise but after a while your looks won't matter if that's what really bothers you. just fake your confidence till you have it.
if you think it's a mental problem which is possible then go to your doctor, I know how easy it is to say this but difficult to do but its either that or do it yourself. if you can't do it for yourself then how can anyone else?

honestly, I was in your situation and I'm not totally over it but once you're comfortable with people it's worth it.
you have to make the effort to talk to people or it's never going to happen. idk what else to suggest. I'm not sure what's caused it but maybe you're just spending too much time thinking and not enough doing :p

Strangers are worse for me because I don't know them and I guess I am nervous in case they judge me. I've tried to fake my confidence but my nervous personality always jumps in and kills the conversation. I speak to my friends allot more now but before I was even nervous speaking to them and I don't know why because I know they wouldn't judge me as they're friends. It's the same as school, I love working but I hate taking my breaks. I know for a fact people look at me in work and think "he must be crazy for not taking a break". I like to keep on the go and hate starting a conversation incase it ends bad. I worked for a book shop a while back handing out leaflets and because I had a purpose to speak to people I felt comfortable. They don't need anyone anymore and exams are in 8 days so I really don't have the time at the moment.

What I want to know is why am I so nervous unless I have a purpose?

---------- Post added 31-05-2011 at 04:57 PM ----------

As for that job, I was even nervous speaking to the boss, once I had my excuse to talk to people, I did. It was great, I could even speak to girls my own age.

[Shar]

Volunteer work also may help you, obviously youll be nervous at first, and it will probably start off as the Hi-Hi, Bye-Bye conversation.

But if your willing to try believe me it will work for you =]

This is actually quite helpful imo, I used to be like you quite a lot but this was one of the things that helped me break out from my shell so to speak. Engage in activities that force you to interact with other people.
Like Jen said, fake your confidence until you have it. When people can see that you're quite nervous and stuff they're usually less comfortable talking to you and approaching you the next time they see you but if you show them that you're ok and stuff they might talk to you again. Just be yourself Richie, we all know you're a funny and nice person, show people irl!

[Roxy]

Sometimes I'm the exact same as you - when I'm with new people or people who I don't know that well I'm always really nervous & watching what I say, although I've found that the more I do it the better I get at it and the more confidence I gain. If you're finding it hard to know what to do & say then start up a new club or activity which you're interested in - it'll be a fresh start with new people & if you all have a common interest it'll make conversation a lot easier. Usually they'll be similar ages too (although not neccessarily the same age) so eventually it should help you to gain your confidence back and make you feel more comfortable with talking to people of your own age. I've always been shy around new people & starting up new activities has defo helped me. When I started to become friends with the people there it improved my self confidence too, which by the sounds of things you're lacking.

At the end of the day there are always going to be some people who judge you although they're the ones who aren't worth knowing & you just need to have enough confidence to realise there's much more to you than what those people are seeing, which there is. You're really funny & easy to talk to / get on with so you have nothing to worry about I think you just need to get enough confidence back for you to realise that yourself.

[chantellehugs]

Maybe you could try practicing speaking in a mirror, I remember I used to do this when I was younger because I was quite self-conscious about speaking to people or even asking questions. I think the reason I got so nervous was because I realised that I couldn't act the same as I do in school in the outside world, like when I'm with my friends we have weird sayings and I guess 'code-words' that we use, and if I used them towards other people they'd think I was weird.
I just taught myself to show only part of my personality when I meet new people, I'm quite mature and polite, but when I get to know them I reveal more of myself to them :).
It probably sounds strange practicing in the mirror but it's useful because you can see how you look when you're talking to other people, like you may think you're being friendly but your facial expression could be saying something else!
I remember when I went on my work experience I was expecting everyone to be extremely mature and serious so when I started I'd braced myself to be mature and professional, but in all honesty the workers were more immature than me, talking about each other behind their backs, and I felt excluded because that's not the sort of thing I do and it felt strange that adults were doing it. :(

[Jsoh]

I used to be literally just like this

This may seem really unhelpful so sorry if it is, but when I started to gain some confidence it was just by starting conversations with people, if you dont know what to talk about with people then I think you need to find something which you have in common with the person, if that means even resorting to talking about a certain lesson with them then do it, make it like a joke somehow (that's what I did to make more friends and get a social life). If you have real confidence issues then you should just tell your friends and see if they can help? I feel really unhelpful soz

[Ms.Aquamarine]

I used to be really shy and nervous! Well, I sometimes still am but not as much as I used to be. ;) Like Roxy said, do something you're interested in. For me, I am very interested in Cheerleading. Cheerleading helped me meet new people, have a more positive attitude, and more confidence. When I go out in front of a huge crowd or the student body to cheer, I do get very nervous. I just have to think to myself,''I can do this, and even if I mess up, I'll get back up with a smile on my face.'' Encouraging yourself helps!!

[Meanies]

What's your job? I was quite shy before i got a job, then worked in a supermarket and through talking to all the different people, i'm no where near as shy any more. Maybe try volunteering or something somewhere and just get used to talking to people you don't really know, it probably helps when it's people you're unlikely to see again at first

[Inseriousity.]

I'm the same and I'm slowly getting better at voicing my opinion (which as some people on here will know, I have a lot of them :P). The idea of raising my hand in class and adding to a discussion, for example, would never have happened at one point. It's not that you don't have anything to say, it's just that you don't feel confident enough to say it so when you do say it, it comes out all wrong or it comes out different to what you were thinking in your head, which makes you less confident so you're basically trapped in a cycle of low self-esteem. The way to improve (imo) is to learn to love yourself. When you love yourself (not in a vain way), you won't care what other people think of you and therefore you're more likely to talk to them. Wake up everyday and think of 5 things that remind you why you're lucky to be where you are and it helps combat against negative thoughts and paranoia.

[Eric]

I'm having the same problem too. When i'm at my fren's house,they're all gone, left me and one of my frens. I become super awkward. Everytime he asks me stuffs then i'll just answer him and smile LOL. I always try to find something to talk about like have you done your homework or what so ever. When i'm at school , some of the teachers think i'm dumb. My classmates always ask me why am i not talking. Sometimes when i don't feel like talking to them , i don't. When i'm in the right chat topic, yeah i'd join them. Like one of my friends he loves glee very much. So i always talk about glee with him.

i don't think i can help you out as i'm having the same problem too lool. sorry. but hopefully this can help u out too lol

[Showder]

Well , I guess your pretty much nervous to anything. Don't Worry! When I was much younger , everyone treated me like an outsider. As I talked more the people and share what I thought , they started being acting closer to me. Its all about confidence! Talk to someone too who likes similar things as you :)

[Warbringer]

I used to have the exact same problem. It comes with time, I'm sure you're just going through a phase and in a few weeks or months it may become alot easier to communicate with people other than friends.

[Squizz]

Just be yourself, best advice anybody can give you really, and yes patience is a virtue.

[Jordan:A]

This was like me, but because being at college has improved my communication skills I'm fine now