Shes Pregnant ...

[DPS]

So my ex girlfriend text me today, saying she has someone she needs to tell me.
So i meet her and she tells me shes pregnant, she hasnt been with anyone else.

If im being honest im not sure what to do, not working atm as i got laid off, and im scared its all going to get to much at the end of the day.


Edited by Catzsy (Forum Super Moderator): Thread closed due to extenuating circumstances. Please see last post

[Skittle]

Trust me it is not that bad as it seems if the baby is yours you've got to work things over with her. Make sure you make the right decision and do the best decision for the baby. Good luck if the baby is yours P.S I'm sure everything will turn out fine.

[DPS]

I know, i always said when this day comes id step up, and theres no way i would like not bring the baby up, or make her abort the baby, as im catholic.

[Skittle]

Trust me it's just nerves it's just the start when you get into nthe pregnancy as it progresses you will become more comfortable and you will enjoy having a baby. It's a wonderful thing when a baby is born! :)

[Mathew]

How old are you? :O

[The Don]

At the end of the day, you have to think about what's best for the child. Can you both support a child? Will your familys help? Have you had any past experience with children? How this will affect both your future aspirations. It's a lot harder than most people think (I'm not saying you can't handle it) but you have to think about things logically.

[Skittle]

I agree with everything 'The Don' says. At the end of the day it's happening and your gonna bring a wonderful human into this world. I'm sure your gonna be a fabulous Dad. I wish you the best

[DPS]

I'm 21, shes 22, i'll be back in work within 3 months i give it so support is fine, both are familys will help anyway. and yes my nephew is ill, has been since he was born and i help out alot with him, ect, i also give up some of my time to spend it with children who are in hospices ect.

[Skittle]

You will be a great Dad!!

[Mathew]

Is there no chance of you getting back with her then? ;)

[DPS]

Not sure, tbh.

Dont get me wrong shes the only girl ive ever really loved, but yeah lol

[Mathew]

I'd give it a go then because you both sound really committed and have support from both sides. If you still have feelings then there's only her to sort out her side of the deal isn't there! ;)

Good luck!

[DPS]

Thanks Mathew :)

[blowskiss]

dayummmmmmm that kinda sucks, erg. everything will be okay i hope

[-:Undertaker:-]

Well i'm glad you don't seem to be taking the route of killing the unborn based on your own mistakes. If push comes to shove and you both cannot handle it, then you should put the baby up for adoption as opposed to simply aborting a child which is here purely based on your own mistakes and not its own. I wish you both well though along with the child.

[GirlNextDoor15]

At the end, you have to think of what is best for the child and your own future. Both of you could either be loving parents or cruel parents to the child. You decide on what you want to do. I can't tell you what to do but only you can decide what is the best for you both.

[Homosexual]

I know, i always said when this day comes id step up, and theres no way i would like not bring the baby up, or make her abort the baby, as im catholic.

doing the dirty before marriage?
i smite thee

but seriously make the right decision for both you, your ex and the baby

[DPS]

doing the dirty before marriage?
i smite thee

but seriously make the right decision for both you, your ex and the baby

New age catholic :P still some views, i'm back with her and ganna see how it goes. we hack the backing from both our familys now so its fine. thanks guys.

[Homosexual]

New age catholic :P still some views, i'm back with her and ganna see how it goes. we hack the backing from both our familys now so its fine. thanks guys.

oh haha :)

and good, when's the baby shower and am i invited?

[Arron]

Wish you the best of luck, man!

[simplymagic]

Yh good luck! :) I'm sure you will be fine.

[Mathew]

New age catholic :P still some views, i'm back with her and ganna see how it goes. we hack the backing from both our familys now so its fine. thanks guys.
Awwww, this is so cute. Good luck sir!

[Snooki]

@DPS congrats jord :} just think if it's a lil boy you can take him to play football & stuff, teach your kid stuff like how to ride a bike and go swimming kids are the best thing in the world :D goooooood luck

[RyRy]

All you can do is try and provide for her & be as good a dad to your future son/daughter, it'd be hard to give the kid stability given the circumstances you're in but I think you'll know what to do. Nobodys good at being a dad naturally though, and alot of people wish they did have a child so don't take it for granted... which I'm sure you won't anyway :)

[Wig44.]

Well i'm glad you don't seem to be taking the route of killing the unborn based on your own mistakes. If push comes to shove and you both cannot handle it, then you should put the baby up for adoption as opposed to simply aborting a child which is here purely based on your own mistakes and not its own. I wish you both well though along with the child.

I would much rather a young girl who cannot give a baby the support it needs aborted said baby than wait, give birth to it and put it up for adoption. Chances are, it would spend it's childhood in homes rather than get adopted. This can be a pretty horrible way to start your life, lots of people (don't have stats) who are brought up this way can have issues (in some cases serious issues) after and during childhood, including dying very young. I know you are of the opinion that we cannot make choices for anyone else but I don't think it is right to bring a baby into the world under such circumstances, only for it to have a crap life. I'll add that I don't believe a foetus that is young enough to be aborted counts as a human anyway.

(This isn't related to the OP's situation, sounds like he'll be a great dad, it's a response to Undertaker)

[Jordan:A]

Congrats, I'm sure you'll be a great dad :D

[Shar]

Congratulations and good luck, I hope all goes well for you because you seem like a really nice person and its nice that you still want to support her and everything. :)

[Lamz]

wow! I wish I had the same mind-set as you do 3weeks ago...

You don't have to be together to support a child... My mum and dad split when I was 11 or twelve cant remember and they are both still friends etc...

I wish you both the best of luck, u seem like you'll be a good dad

[DPS]

Thanks guys, ill probs keep posting in this thread as the progress goes on :)

[Recursion]

I'm going to be totally honest here, being back together because of a baby... well, I don't see it working out.

[DPS]

I'm going to be totally honest here, being back together because of a baby... well, I don't see it working out.

It's not just that reason. theres other reasons me and her have alot of history.

[iJess]

Congratulations! And good luck :)

[FunXiaomilitary]

Congrats..... Good Luck ;D

[Catzsy]

I am being a bit cynical here but do you have proof she is pregnant? Saying she is and absolutely knowing are two different things. If she is I would be as supportive as possible to her but think very carefully before becoming completely committed. :)

[Grig]

It's really how you view abortion, most people on here never even mentioned that method maybe because of their anti-abortion stance that it's killing a human being etc. But we can really get into the nitty gritty of whether a fetus is considered a human being and so forth.

I am not opposed to abortion and wouldn't go against it. I wouldn't jump into any hasty decisions because at the end of the day you need to know you can raise the child, I wouldn't ever want to give any child a sub-par upbringing. Sure, you can give birth to a child but that is only the first step, there is a whole 2 decades of education and so forth that a child will need, on top of basic welfare.

Anyway, it seems you made your decision and I wish you luck, hopefully it all turns out stress free for everyone.

[MissAlice]

You sound like a good person, and want to take the responsibilities of bringing a child into the world seriously. I admire you for that, because every child should not only have the love and support of their parents but be able to provide for them too, and the next 18 or more years will either come easy or become your worst nightmare.

Assuming you’re the father, and only tests will confirm that, life isn’t going to be plain sailing. There will be many ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ along the way. Whilst I congratulate you, I don’t envy you, as there will be insecurities in your relationship, which won’t pass for a long time, if it succeeds. The obvious one being, ‘Is she only with me because of the baby?’ and vice versa. Only time will tell, so be sure it’s what you really want, and not what is expected of you!

This situation must arise for many people, so I hope it gets a good read, particularly for those who are in relationships. What would they do in your position?

[DPS]

I am being a bit cynical here but do you have proof she is pregnant? Saying she is and absolutely knowing are two different things. If she is I would be as supportive as possible to her but think very carefully before becoming completely committed. :)

Yeah she def is, she went to the doctors, and they confirmed it.

@MissAlice she isnt the type of girl to sleep around, im the only person she has slept with, dont need proof of that lol.

[Catzsy]

Yeah she def is, she went to the doctors, and they confirmed it.

@MissAlice she isnt the type of girl to sleep around, im the only person she has slept with, dont need proof of that lol.


Did you go with her or did she just tell you that?

I deduct from your posts that you still really still feel a lot for her so good luck with whatever you decide. :)

[DPS]

Did you go with her or did she just tell you that?

I deduct from your posts that you still really still feel a lot for her so good luck with whatever you decide. :)

Yes i went with her lol

[-:Undertaker:-]

I would much rather a young girl who cannot give a baby the support it needs aborted said baby than wait, give birth to it and put it up for adoption. Chances are, it would spend it's childhood in homes rather than get adopted. This can be a pretty horrible way to start your life, lots of people (don't have stats) who are brought up this way can have issues (in some cases serious issues) after and during childhood, including dying very young. I know you are of the opinion that we cannot make choices for anyone else but I don't think it is right to bring a baby into the world under such circumstances, only for it to have a crap life. I'll add that I don't believe a foetus that is young enough to be aborted counts as a human anyway.

(This isn't related to the OP's situation, sounds like he'll be a great dad, it's a response to Undertaker)

I'd much rather a young girl think before she has sex as opposed to having sex and then simply having an abortion for her own convenience as many do nowadays. With adoption vs being aborted, i'm actually sure most people would rather be alive or at least be given the choice as opposed to having it made for them. I am a libertarian, i'm naturally for personal choice - but with abortion, the 'choice' is a false argument because in my eyes the 'foetus' (a nice latin word) is actually a human being which is clear from the way pregnant women talk about their baby whilst its still in the womb. The DNA of a foetus would show as a homo sapiens, as thats the common way to define a human being I think that is the best benchmark as nobody else has come up with a better definition so far.

You may find this interesting on the subject of abortion, its what mainly changed my stance upon it not all that long ago; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbaEXDl4uqU

As for the topic poster, I do wish him and the girl well and i'm glad they are confronting the mistakes they've made and not putting their own mistakes on the child to avoid the inconvenience of bringing up a child as so many people selfishly do.

[Wig44.]

I'd much rather a young girl think before she has sex as opposed to having sex and then simply having an abortion for her own convenience as many do nowadays. With adoption vs being aborted, i'm actually sure most people would rather be alive or at least be given the choice as opposed to having it made for them. I am a libertarian, i'm naturally for personal choice - but with abortion, the 'choice' is a false argument because in my eyes the 'foetus' (a nice latin word) is actually a human being which is clear from the way pregnant women talk about their baby whilst its still in the womb. The DNA of a foetus would show as a homo sapiens, as thats the common way to define a human being I think that is the best benchmark as nobody else has come up with a better definition so far.

You may find this interesting on the subject of abortion, its what mainly changed my stance upon it not all that long ago; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbaEXDl4uqU

As for the topic poster, I do wish him and the girl well and i'm glad they are confronting the mistakes they've made and not putting their own mistakes on the child to avoid the inconvenience of bringing up a child as so many people selfishly do.

As for your first point; we can reach an agreement. I think any woman who has an abortion because of her own fault (note for the idiots out there: this does not include rape) is at wrong.

In that video, Hitchens was on the offensive at the start but ultimately failed to answer questions posed later on.

A foetus is not sentient, thus I do not classify it as a human. If you extract DNA from cells making up a flake of skin on someone's bed, the DNA will identify as that of a human, this does not make the cell a human. A foetus is, essentially, a bundle of cells before the abortion cut-off point and to say that it is a human being and aborting it is morally wrong is about as meaningful as saying the termination of cells from a human's body is wrong, an example being chemotherapy or an amputation. Cells with human DNA but without sentience die for the benefit of the human being from which they originate all the time, a more natural example being apoptosis.

I'm interested in how you would argue against this.

[-:Undertaker:-]

As for your first point; we can reach an agreement. I think any woman who has an abortion because of her own fault (note for the idiots out there: this does not include rape) is at wrong.

Indeed.


In that video, Hitchens was on the offensive at the start but ultimately failed to answer questions posed later on.

Well to be fair he did answer it, that science has been unable to define when a 'foetus' ends and a baby begins.


A foetus is not sentient, thus I do not classify it as a human. If you extract DNA from cells making up a flake of skin on someone's bed, the DNA will identify as that of a human, this does not make the cell a human. A foetus is, essentially, a bundle of cells before the abortion cut-off point and to say that it is a human being and aborting it is morally wrong is about as meaningful as saying the termination of cells from a human's body is wrong, an example being chemotherapy or an amputation. Cells with human DNA but without sentience die for the benefit of the human being from which they originate all the time, a more natural example being apoptosis.

However a foetus is fertilised, it *is* or is to *become* a human being. As its hard to define when the baby starts or the 'bundle of cells' ends (in a way we are all a bundle of cells) then the only logical way to define it is from fertilisation of the cells in the womb as nobody has so far been able to come up with a more logical way to define a baby. The very fact is has the potential to become a human being (on its own) shows to me that it is infact a human being just as a baby de facto becomes an adult.

As he states, these are attempts to dehumanise it in order to kill/abort it.

[Hollie.]

Awww, congratulations! You shouldnt be worrying you should happy, and try to make it work with your ex for the baby :)

[Wig44.]

Indeed.



Well to be fair he did answer it, that science has been unable to define when a 'foetus' ends and a baby begins.



However a foetus is fertilised, it *is* or is to *become* a human being. As its hard to define when the baby starts or the 'bundle of cells' ends (in a way we are all a bundle of cells) then the only logical way to define it is from fertilisation of the cells in the womb as nobody has so far been able to come up with a more logical way to define a baby. The very fact is has the potential to become a human being (on its own) shows to me that it is infact a human being just as a baby de facto becomes an adult.

As he states, these are attempts to dehumanise it in order to kill/abort it.

When the foetus is sentient - that is, it has a brain large enough and developed enough to experience pain, form abstract thought and feel basic emotion. I have no doubt that at the late stages of pregnancy the foetus is sentient. For the record, a foetus cannot become a fully formed baby on its own.

I'm not sure what your status on the foetus is now, as you mentioned believing it to be a potential human? I can certainly understand the viewpoint that it is a potential human, as there is no denial of this fact. I don't believe this fact should have any consequence on the decision of whether someone has an abortion or not, the fact that it is not a human being in my mind takes priority.

[N-Dubz]

a* to you for not even mentioning abortion to her lol.

[-:Undertaker:-]

When the foetus is sentient - that is, it has a brain large enough and developed enough to experience pain, form abstract thought and feel basic emotion. I have no doubt that at the late stages of pregnancy the foetus is sentient. For the record, a foetus cannot become a fully formed baby on its own.

No I don't accept that because it cannot feel emotion, or pain and so forth that its not a human. That is comparable to saying that somebody who is brain dead is not a human being when we know they clearly are. As Hitchens describes in the debate, its an attempt to dehumanise so it can be killed.

It may not be able to do the things we can do and may be dependent (as is a small baby unlike other mammals), but that does not mean it is not a human being just as it does not mean a small baby is not a human being.


I'm not sure what your status on the foetus is now, as you mentioned believing it to be a potential human? I can certainly understand the viewpoint that it is a potential human, as there is no denial of this fact. I don't believe this fact should have any consequence on the decision of whether someone has an abortion or not, the fact that it is not a human being in my mind takes priority.

Depends what you define as a human and/or a person. I would simply stick with homo sapiens/a human being, which a foetus is from the moment it is fertilised. The DNA of the 'animal' would thus prove this and science has been unable to come up with another viable alternative of how to define what matter is.

[Glen Coco]

I'd much rather a young girl think before she has sex as opposed to having sex and then simply having an abortion for her own convenience as many do nowadays. With adoption vs being aborted, i'm actually sure most people would rather be alive or at least be given the choice as opposed to having it made for them. I am a libertarian, i'm naturally for personal choice - but with abortion, the 'choice' is a false argument because in my eyes the 'foetus' (a nice latin word) is actually a human being which is clear from the way pregnant women talk about their baby whilst its still in the womb. The DNA of a foetus would show as a homo sapiens, as thats the common way to define a human being I think that is the best benchmark as nobody else has come up with a better definition so far.

You may find this interesting on the subject of abortion, its what mainly changed my stance upon it not all that long ago; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbaEXDl4uqU

As for the topic poster, I do wish him and the girl well and i'm glad they are confronting the mistakes they've made and not putting their own mistakes on the child to avoid the inconvenience of bringing up a child as so many people selfishly do.


Just wanting to but in but isn't a little bit rude you calling it a 'mistake' ? I for sure would rather be called an accident then a 'mistake' like you're acting this baby to be like.
Have you not thought of maybe rape? It's not always the girls fault that she's pregnant. Have you also not thought of protection not working?
I agree with anti-abortion when the foetus is no longer just a bunch of cells and the older the foetus is the more I disagree with abortion, however, if it is only a few weeks old and it is simply a bunch of cells should the mother not have a choice?

[Wig44.]

Just wanting to but in but isn't a little bit rude you calling it a 'mistake' ? I for sure would rather be called an accident then a 'mistake' like you're acting this baby to be like.
Have you not thought of maybe rape? It's not always the girls fault that she's pregnant. Have you also not thought of protection not working?
I agree with anti-abortion when the foetus is no longer just a bunch of cells and the older the foetus is the more I disagree with abortion, however, if it is only a few weeks old and it is simply a bunch of cells should the mother not have a choice?

Can you read? He isn't talking about the OP...

[beth]

yr the same age as me, and i've got so many friends (mainly female but yaknow) doing a sterling job of bringing their kids up on very little money with very little help. you'll do it, because you gotta do it. start saving and planning now.

good luck!

[Glen Coco]

Can you read? He isn't talking about the OP...
Clearly I can read, what a stupid question.
And now you look like a fool because he did indeed say "I am glad you are doing sometihng about your mistake", or something along those lines.
So sit down and back the **** up.

[Catzsy]

No I don't accept that because it cannot feel emotion, or pain and so forth that its not a human. That is comparable to saying that somebody who is brain dead is not a human being when we know they clearly are. As Hitchens describes in the debate, its an attempt to dehumanise so it can be killed.

It may not be able to do the things we can do and may be dependent (as is a small baby unlike other mammals), but that does not mean it is not a human being just as it does not mean a small baby is not a human being.



Depends what you define as a human and/or a person. I would simply stick with homo sapiens/a human being, which a foetus is from the moment it is fertilised. The DNA of the 'animal' would thus prove this and science has been unable to come up with another viable alternative of how to define what matter is.

So do you agree with the abortion prior to the embryo becoming a foetus? Also what about the moral dilemmas
in a not uncommon scenario that the life of the woman is at risk if an abortion is not carried out. I have some personal experience of this in that a late relative was faced with this choice - she took the chance of carrying on and she died but the baby survived.

[Judas]

Can you read? He isn't talking about the OP...

"As for the topic poster..."

i'm fairly sure he is

[Teabags]

Not to be a pessimist, but is there nothing in life you want out of life first? Before you are tied down by the permanent commitment of a child. It completely restrains any chance of adventure and even if you got back with your ex - would you run the risk of breaking up, just like you did before?
This could work out badly - but at the end of the day it's your decision but personally at 21 I'd still want to achieve and explore so much.

[DPS]

Just fort i'd post, that she lost it. So it doesnt matter now :(

Could someone get this thread closed please x

[Catzsy]

Just fort i'd post, that she lost it. So it doesnt matter now :(

Could someone get this thread closed please x


I wouldn't normally be able to but on this occasion I will use my discretion - the circumstances seem to over rule the directions on this occasion and if I get told off, I get told off but I can't see that happening. So sorry about the news and I hope you will both be okay. :)xx

[Mathew]

Extremely sorry to hear about the terrible news, hope you're both okay. :(