One thing that I can never fathom out?

[Accipiter]

Why is it that women that get insulted by men become strangely close to them?

They take abuse that brings them to tears from these men, say they despise them to the core, then go ahead and invite them to parties and act like good mates with them, just because the bloke apologised.

What I feel is that the women are so insecure that when they take abuse that brings them down, it weakens them, then the male moves into apologise, saying things such as "it was a joke" "I apologise" or on extreme levels of men doing it for love, "You're beautiful really"

Why does the woman then on become close to a man who abused them to intentionally create a weakness so that the men can act upon to get close to the woman?

Do they not realise they're being played, heavily?

There's numerous occasions I've seen this occur, and the women always pick the man that would insult them over a man who is affectionate towards them.

Or it's just something north east specific because (advertised by Billy Elliot) we have father & expression problems here.

[Red]

It's probably all down to insecurity. I had a friend who who had a few bad experiences with boys treating her like crap. After that she has no self esteem and felt she couldn't do any better so settled for people like that. It's kinda a viscous circle.

[Accipiter]

I think women need to stand back and look at the big picture sometimes.

[MissAlice]

I wouldn’t tolerate or be interested in any male that failed to treat me respectfully.

I much prefer to be treated like a lady, or to put it simple, how the majority of females want to be treated. Isn’t it better to admire your partner than to live in fear of them.

Presumably it’s as it’s already been said, these females either find it acceptable or have low self esteem and are insecure, and accept too easily dominating men, which have been raised in an environment where poor role models have been evident.

Personally I have never seen my father speak or treat my mother badly in any way, and so for me I expect to find those qualities in any man that I have a relationship with. The same can be said for my brother, he behaves in many ways like my father towards his girlfriend, and he treats her with respect.

[DPS]

Tbh most the girls i treat crap, just come back for me, me and one girl have been on and off for so long now, even tho we just do stuff... winks and then i stop talking to her, she keeps coming back. i dont even have to make the first move.

[Casanova]

I think for most it's just the animal instinct, if ya get mehhh.

She feels insecure about her position, insecure about the fact he stood up to her and she feels she's been undermined. then she'll grow attached because it grows more of an attraction - she has a challenge.

It really is quite true though. I seen it with a few of the girls that I had mutual hatred for. I really ripped them to shreds and most (if we have made up) are extremely good friends.

I think by the sounds of it you need to make yourself less available. No one likes desperation, if you're less available for her to use she'll see she needs you more than someone that's playing her like a violin.

[Accipiter]

Is that for real or ********

I can never tell on this forum!

Why do you treat the girls like crap if it is real?

---------- Post added 15-09-2011 at 09:19 PM ----------


I think for most it's just the animal instinct, if ya get mehhh.

She feels insecure about her position, insecure about the fact he stood up to her and she feels she's been undermined. then she'll grow attached because it grows more of an attraction - she has a challenge.

It really is quite true though. I seen it with a few of the girls that I had mutual hatred for. I really ripped them to shreds and most (if we have made up) are extremely good friends.

I think by the sounds of it you need to make yourself less available. No one likes desperation, if you're less available for her to use she'll see she needs you more than someone that's playing her like a violin.

I agree with animal instinct, but I feel the guys that use this technique won't be able to help but hate themselves for it?

I find it quite ******ed to see a girl fall for someone this way, it's always and still is to me the oldest and most socially ******ed trick in the book (when it involves doing it for love)

I wonder how any females feel about it, I want an opinion from them to because that is just one thing I'll never understand, I can understand them like "Bad boys" but not people who are literally ***** to girls and would put them in the ground mentally just to get close to them.

This isn't a situation i'm in by the way haha, it's just something I find disrespectful to do to a girl to gain love, i'd rather call a girl beautiful and make her day than abuse her and mentally diminish her! Even if I loved her i'd rather put a smile on her face than become a **** just to get close.

[Casanova]

Is that for real or ********

I can never tell on this forum!

Why do you treat the girls like crap if it is real?

---------- Post added 15-09-2011 at 09:19 PM ----------



I agree with animal instinct, but I feel the guys that use this technique won't be able to help but hate themselves for it?

I find it quite ******ed to see a girl fall for someone this way, it's always and still is to me the oldest and most socially ******ed trick in the book (when it involves doing it for love)

I wonder how any females feel about it, I want an opinion from them to because that is just one thing I'll never understand, I can understand them like "Bad boys" but not people who are literally ***** to girls and would put them in the ground mentally just to get close to them.

This isn't a situation i'm in by the way haha, it's just something I find disrespectful to do to a girl to gain love, i'd rather call a girl beautiful and make her day than abuse her and mentally diminish her! Even if I loved her i'd rather put a smile on her face than become a **** just to get close.

I don't date girls, I don't mean I abuse them in the sense you're getting at.
I mean, if I have an issue with a girl in most cases I won't hold back, I'd argue with her just like I would a guy cos I'm all for equality - the good and the bad!
Why the heck should I hold back!?

for woman the attraction to bad boyz is the idea of change, they can take this brute and polish him into a shiny, lovely turd. It never will happen and all they get is the emotional scars of continuous 'trying'.

Once again, too needy. You shouldn't just 'offer yourself' to someone. always hold something back, no one seeks something they know - they only seek something they want to know. intrigue is important, especially in this case.

[Accipiter]

I knew the way you were speaking of, I can accept it when it happens due to natural arguments, but when a boy does it for the specific reason of love or getting close to a girl, I wouldn't exactly call it love, i'd call it fraud, like telling someone there car aint worth jack so you get it for a better deal when it's infact something of quality haha

People can be bad boys without being total *****s though? As in they can still have respect for women but still be bad boys in a sense, gamble, get drunk, fight etc.

I'd never change my ways or the way I think about love, I wouldn't want a girl who'd try and change me, as love is accepting someone who understands you from the start and doesn't need to change!

I guess you can say i'm a bit of a dreamer when it comes to love, because I believe in true romance, and believe in keeping myself pure for the right girl, so she can appreciate it all that more.

I've found someone like that, who accepts what I believe :)

I dislike seeing love advertised on website such as facebook to, your girl is for you, now for your ego or looks! That's something I hate as much as the official point, love your girl, don't wear her.

[Inseriousity.]

Cos while nice guys are nice, they can also be boring. Girls like the unpredictability of a bad boy and are naive in thinking that he'll change for her. This is of course all hypothetical as I'm a man and not entirely sure whether the whole 'girls like bad boys' is a myth used by good guys!! Personally I think it's not as widespread as you're making it out to be :P

[Accipiter]

I didn't make it out to be wide spread?! I even said i'm not even sure if it's a big thing or just something in my area.

If girls believe nice guys to be boring then thats just mental, there's plenty of nice guys out there that treat their girls to unpredictable things! All you need to do is be a dreamer, not a ***** really.

A female opinion on why they fall for it was what I mainly looked out for, because I already understood them wanting to change their boyfriends.

And if thats the case why are all females trying to create a perfect boy instead of finding one, in my eyes no one should change for anything.

"Seize a chance, follow a dream. Be yourself, don't plan and scheme."

[buttons]

there's a saying "nice guys finish last" which is definitely true - but mostly for teenagers. the tough, bad boys are only good for a temporary relationship and security or a one night stand. i can relate to wanting to tame the bad boy, i think many girls want to feel as though they're special enough to be able do that but as you get older you care less. also you'll see some girls go for the bad guys because they have no self-esteem and think they aren't good enough for anyone else (guilty) - & again sometimes having a jealous/possessive boyfriend makes you feel you're worth something. in the long term, you'll want a nice boyfriend (not too nice!) but short term or when you're younger, if you're nice you'll only get walked all over. i'm not gonna lie, i go for older guys because most my age are just out for sex but in the end it'll be the nice guy that has the decent relationship.

when a guy is too nice to me i'll totally walk all over them, flirt with other guys etc. i think it's the same with the bad guys and the vulnerable girls. the bad guy knows the vulnerable girl will always come back so he can do whatever he wants and will always have someone there when he needs them. i have more respect for myself now so i'll never go for a guy that treats me bad but i have before. guys can be respectful without telling girl's they're beauiful and sucking up to them, i really don't like that. ah well you can never win!

[Accipiter]

I understand that completely

I was quite surprised on another forum when a thread asked how much older / younger would you go for in a relationship

And I was surprised when girls of 16/17 said 19/20+, a lot seem to like a stable man, a one who can support them and has sorted out life, has cash behind them / prospects of a sped up life, someone to drive them around, a house of their own quicker etc!

I hate it when girls have low self-esteem, especially when beauty products and what not flash all this fake **** in front of them "be beautiful" when really its encouraging them to hide their natural beauty. Especially when it starts to limit the girls to their possibilities because they're more caring about looks than other prospects!

It's such a shame to see it happen, but like someone said earlier, I guess it's nature!

[Ardemax]

Tbh most the girls i treat crap, just come back for me, me and one girl have been on and off for so long now, even tho we just do stuff... winks and then i stop talking to her, she keeps coming back. i dont even have to make the first move.

Aren't you just an ideal gentlemen.

Regarding this thread, nice and smart guys are boring and not interesting, whilst jerks who are incapable of keeping to just one girlfriend at a time have the girls drooling on them.

That's life.

[Accipiter]

Personally I believe a guy can be nice while still being interesting, which is why I think a lot of girls go for band boys, because they are interesting and still come across nice (depending on which band you look at).

Being interesting or boring does not rely on yin yang in my eyes! Personally I wouldn't change myself to be a ***** to engage in short term relationships that potentially mentally scar your partner that you leave behind. Like i've always said I'd do, I waited until someone accepted me for who I am, rather than for someone they could make me into haha.

It's a pretty big downer on society when things like this happen, seeing a genuine girl being hurt & scarred by a down right "Bad Boy".

[buttons]

I understand that completely

I was quite surprised on another forum when a thread asked how much older / younger would you go for in a relationship

And I was surprised when girls of 16/17 said 19/20+, a lot seem to like a stable man, a one who can support them and has sorted out life, has cash behind them / prospects of a sped up life, someone to drive them around, a house of their own quicker etc!

I hate it when girls have low self-esteem, especially when beauty products and what not flash all this fake **** in front of them "be beautiful" when really its encouraging them to hide their natural beauty. Especially when it starts to limit the girls to their possibilities because they're more caring about looks than other prospects!

It's such a shame to see it happen, but like someone said earlier, I guess it's nature!
why are you surprised? if we're talking long term then men want a pretty, healthy, fertile woman to carry on their legacy so to speak whereas men tend to want financial security & a comfortable life for them and their children. woman are prettier, healthier and more fertile the younger they are (obviously after puberty) whereas men are more financially secure & experienced as they get older. not so sure about short term but it does seem like the bad guys going nowhere in life are usually only a temporary thing.

i totally agree with the whole fake business, my friend's dress provocatively with hooker heels and ***** eyelashes yet want guys to like them more than an easy lay?! i feel more sorry for the guys who think they've pulled a model but wake up with a monster. don't even get me started on girls who calls others ugly when they're the ones hiding their faces or when they say they don't care what guys think of them yet try to impress them through their looks. uch getting off topic but i feel fairly strongly about it

i also believe nice guys can be interesting but when you're wining & dining me, treating me like a queen and using all your cash on me then that's all i care about (errr.. the money i mean)>.

[Accipiter]

I tend to always find when you see a 16 year old (or similar) in a relationship with a 20+ year old it always seems weak and that the male doesn't really sound that stable. This is probably considering the area i'm from where the mass don't tend to find success due to poor education in the area (Ofsted had to recently straighten out the local school due to the appalling results etc)

I'm not shocked you feel strongly about such a thing, it must hurt to see female friends side tracked by this ideological beauty. I feel that girls who verbally abuse other girls on looks tend to have insecurities about themselves, they may to do it to ease their minds about their own insecurities etc, i'm not saying it's right, it's just what society has made them!

That kind of nice guy is easy to find, or atleast they're the ones you tend to see movies making a mockery of in date situations etc. But would you not be interested in a nice guy that is adventurous, who would rather take you around the world to see the beauty of the world.

There's a quote I found somewhere (I'm dangerous for quotes but I do love reading them):

"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not."

It can probably be read in many different ways, but I find it says you must travel the world with the person you hold truly to ever find beauty in anything else. Because I find falling in love makes unexpected things become weirdly beautiful, probably very cheesy of me to say and soppy, but I find it to be true in myself!

[Wig44.]

Nice guys let girls walk all over them and get hung up over one girl. Jerks don't. It's simple really, don't let girls walk all over you and have more options. If you could be somewhere else with another girl they'll know and they'll want you more than if you had no other hope of a relationship besides her, bought her gifts and let her walk all over you.

[beth]

well this thread is very generalized. i'm not gonna stick around with someone who treats me like ****, because other people will treat me better ha.
this whole nicest guy thing is a myth, people don't mean "nice guys are boring" they mean "boring guys are boring". the nicest guy in the world could have a sense of humour and interests and he wouldn't seem all nice and boring.

but on the other hand, some girls just don't have a sense of humour. i don't get on well with females anyway, but, i find a lot of women are insecure.

[Accipiter]

well this thread is very generalized. i'm not gonna stick around with someone who treats me like ****, because other people will treat me better ha.
this whole nicest guy thing is a myth, people don't mean "nice guys are boring" they mean "boring guys are boring". the nicest guy in the world could have a sense of humour and interests and he wouldn't seem all nice and boring.

but on the other hand, some girls just don't have a sense of humour. i don't get on well with females anyway, but, i find a lot of women are insecure.

Glad all hope in the world isn't lost then LMAO

I find is disgraceful how the media creates insecurities in women, adverts like that should have been banned before smoking adverts where, it's a horrible thing to create in a mind.

[FlyingJesus]

In short, they're attracted to the power that those men have over them. Women instinctively want protection and so a display of power such as truly belittling others (or themselves) can in this day and age cause just as strong an attraction as the animal instinct of going for someone beefy

[Richie]

Because women are two faced *******.