BPD

[LeBlue]

I feel somewhat exposed and vulnerable posting here considering no-one really knows who I am as I haven't been on here for a good few years properly and I suppose it feels weird posting it publicly for everyone to read when many'll consider me new etc.

But although I've not been officially diagnosed by a Doctor, it's highly likely that I have something called Borderline Personality Disorder.http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001931/

(http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001931/)I match everything but the self harm, but I suppose when I'm angry I tend to hit things which hurts my hand, elbow etc... So that could count.

I've told 3 of my friends, and two were very supportive and one very doubtful of me. I constantly worry that I'm outcasted from the group I hang around with and that I'm more of a tag along than a friend. I really have severe trust issues with everyone and I'd like to just leave the city I live in, go to Uni and start fresh completely.

I'm 18 now, and since Year 7? I've had a rough time at school and home. At school I was bullied a lot, and never really had anyone to trust properly and at home my father was an alcoholic and constantly argued with my mum and now I don't even like speaking to her about normal, casual things - let alone anything serious. I'm severely detached from family and I only trust 1-2 people in my life to speak to about things.

I'd go to school and have ****, come home, have ****, and it's now gotten worse recently and it's somewhat ruling how I act, it's affecting my courses and somewhat putting me down at anything I try to do.

I'm unsure whether to go to a GP and ask about counselling, but I'd not want my mum to find out about it as it'd cause a lot of stress and **** at home when things are quite bad still despite my dad not being around.

[Accipiter]

You're never lonely if you like the person you're with

Everyone fears the unknown which I guess is what this is, you wouldn't know what to do if you where left behind, the fact is you'd probably get along fine, just without others around you.

Consult a GP but never believe you have something, because you will expect yourself to react to those mannerisms listened and you will keep focusing on them worrying

Mental disorders aren't disorders to worry about, they describe it as irregular but it hardly is, you aren't self harming which is good.

[LeBlue]

What's weird is, I very rarely stress over this and it's not until after the emotions of it hit me, Irealizewhat I'm doing and what I'm feeling. I don't constantly go thinking about BPD, I only ever think about it after the listed effects hit me if you can decipher any sense from that?

Most of the stress of it comes from the paranoia and lack of trust I have for my group of friends, despite constantly trying to please them and make sure I don't fall out of favour I'm worried that I will for no reason at all.

[Accipiter]

It just sounds natural, wanting to be alpha male, not wanting to be the runt

But the more you worry possibly it will make you more insecure, less open, just be yourself is what I would advise

What youre doing now is just fine, everyone thinks this, it's not irregular just not everyone announces it, its something that someone will have probably experienced during secondary school, it tends to pass.

Sometimes it can get you in with the wrong crowds also

[LeBlue]

It just sounds natural, wanting to be alpha male, not wanting to be the runt

But the more you worry possibly it will make you more insecure, less open, just be yourself is what I would advise

What youre doing now is just fine, everyone thinks this, it's not irregular just not everyone announces it, its something that someone will have probably experienced during secondary school, it tends to pass.

Sometimes it can get you in with the wrong crowds also

I suppose.
But it's more acceptance than wanting to be top among everyone.

And I've done stupid **** yeah because of it.

[GirlNextDoor15]

Don't worry about it. I know loads of people who are like your father. Some are alcoholic, gambleholic if that's the word and my own father is a workaholic who barely spends time with his children. So, yeah. In the end, it'll always be us to live our lives and they can be as ****ed up as they could be. But hey! Aren't we normal?! Who cares what other people say. I might be diagnosed having schizophrenia but you know it ain't true. Trust nobody but yourself.

I don't know what i'm talking about

xx

[beth]

far too many people self-diagnose, while the internet is amazing, if you see something and think you have the traits of that 'illness' you will subconsciously live up to those symptoms if you have them in yr head.

bpd is extremely rare and i would suggest you go the doctor rather than go with yr own diagnosis. all parts of any mental disorder come under the depression spectrum and it could be rather you have that. you don't really want to start assigning yrself to major mental illness without getting a proper diagnosis, it can affect the rest of yr life in the way people see you (and that's wrong, but it's true).

[LeBlue]

far too many people self-diagnose, while the internet is amazing, if you see something and think you have the traits of that 'illness' you will subconsciously live up to those symptoms if you have them in yr head.

bpd is extremely rare and i would suggest you go the doctor rather than go with yr own diagnosis. all parts of any mental disorder come under the depression spectrum and it could be rather you have that. you don't really want to start assigning yrself to major mental illness without getting a proper diagnosis, it can affect the rest of yr life in the way people see you (and that's wrong, but it's true).

I agree, I haven't told anyone I definitely have it as I've not seen a doctor regarding it. Just that everything matches up to it pretty much. Also, from what I know depression is a part of BPD as is anxiety. I'm not assigning myself anything nor living up to it. If anything I try to brush it off my mind and focus elsewhere.

Thanks guys :)

[Catzsy]

If you have been diagnosed by a Doctor surely he/she is the one to help you with it by referral to other specialists, counsellors etc. It is a shame that you cannot relate to your mother. Is there any specific reason for this?

[LeBlue]

If you have been diagnosed by a Doctor surely he/she is the one to help you with it by referral to other specialists, counsellors etc. It is a shame that you cannot relate to your mother. Is there any specific reason for this?

I'm going to speak to thecounselorin College and take it from there.
I'm not close with her at all, and as said I'm really detached from my family. There is a long list of reasons and build up from it.

[Accipiter]

I agree, I haven't told anyone I definitely have it as I've not seen a doctor regarding it. Just that everything matches up to it pretty much. Also, from what I know depression is a part of BPD as is anxiety. I'm not assigning myself anything nor living up to it. If anything I try to brush it off my mind and focus elsewhere.

Thanks guys :)

Sometimes self diagnosis can act in the same way ashoroscopesdo also, they say somethingminusculethat everyone has at least felt once to make the readers believe, I didn't realise you self diagnosed this when I first read it.

[LeBlue]

Sometimes self diagnosis can act in the same way ashoroscopesdo also, they say somethingminusculethat everyone has at least felt once to make the readers believe, I didn't realise you self diagnosed this when I first read it.

Just to clarify, I haven't self diagnosed. Nor do I 100% believe I have this. It just all matches up if that makes any sense? :)

[Stephen]

If you look hard enough you'll probably find over 20 different things you could have that match your symptoms

stop trying to google your problems

[Kyle]

Just to clarify, I haven't self diagnosed. Nor do I 100% believe I have this. It just all matches up if that makes any sense? :)
So you've self-diagnosed...

See a professional about this straight away. Probably nothing.

[Catzsy]

I'm going to speak to thecounselorin College and take it from there.
I'm not close with her at all, and as said I'm really detached from my family. There is a long list of reasons and build up from it.

Well I wish you the very best of luck with this and I do hope they can help at College. :)

[Mikey]

Yeahdefinitely see someone like a doctor or as you said one of the collegecouncilors. They'll be able to guide and help you. You said about not wanting to go to the doctor due to you not wanting your mum finding out, doctors keep things confidential even if it's a family doctor. They will only tell your mum if you want them to.

Best of luck.