how to come out to dad [+rep]

[Jazz]

Well for a couple of months now, I have really wanted to come out to my family. At Christmas I told my mum about my sexuality, she didn't take it well. She wouldn't stop crying, and would make snide remarks such as 'Oh the only reason you think your a lesbian is because you don't have a boyfriend and your overweight' (thanks mum love you too) and by the end of that night it was spread around most of her sides family (which I wasn't happy with because I asked her not to, until I was ready to tell the rest)

Now I have been trying to tell dad, but I just don't know how to tell him. I don't want dad to react the same way as my mum. I've tried hinting occasionally, but he manages to turn it into a joke.

Has anyone got any advice? +rep for any suggestions :-)

[-:Undertaker:-]

How is his mindset towards it? have you heard of past remarks from him on the topic?

Also, how old are you? x

[Richie]

Have you only recently started to splash in that pond? If it has only been like that for a few months you could be just confused at themoment. Others will disagree but I say test the waters and if you aredefinitelylesbian wait for a long term relationship then bring it up with your family. So it simple terms, stay in the closet for now, test the water and if you are 100% sure after sometime spill the beans.


Best of luck.

[beth]

I think the easiest way is to just say it, the more you think it over I think the harder it will be cause yr mind will make up all sort of reactions he could have.

he might not be happy at first but he might just be glad to know, if you do think he won't be able to deal at all maybe you could leave it until yr a bit older and
move out so you both have yr own space to deal with it? I know it's hard
to not be open an 'lie to yr family' but maybe it just won't work while you all live together.

if it were me, I'd just come out with it an get it over.

[Samantha]

I think the easiest way is to just say it, the more you think it over I think the harder it will be cause yr mind will make up all sort of reactions he could have.
he might not be happy at first but he might just be glad to know, if you do think he won't be able to deal at all maybe you could leave it until yr a bit older and
move out so you both have yr own space to deal with it? I know it's hard
to not be open an 'lie to yr family' but maybe it just won't work while you all live together.

if it were me, I'd just come out with it an get it over.

That, I think about everything they will react like and that's why I can't physically tell them I have a boyfriend (I text my Mum telling her, she already knew wow). Anyway, as this is a more sensitive topic I would just sit him down and tell him, it's what I would do as I don't think something like that should be done through text nor do I condone it, this way you see his reaction immediately etc. and you get his opinion and stuff. I also think that if you're ready to tell him then it should be easier (just my opinion) are your mum and dad together because I know if I told my mum something like that she'd tell my dad.

[Jazz]

How is his mindset towards it? have you heard of past remarks from him on the topic?

Also, how old are you? x

I hear him make little jokes about it, but hedoesn'tseem to mind and I'm 17 :-)


Have you only recently started to splash in that pond? If it has only been like that for a few months you could be just confused at themoment. Others will disagree but I say test the waters and if you aredefinitelylesbian wait for a long term relationship then bring it up with your family. So it simple terms, stay in the closet for now, test the water and if you are 100% sure after sometime spill the beans.


Best of luck.

I've been confused about it for a few months before I made up my mind about it. All I know at the moment is that I'm very happy with my partner, and I just don't feel confused :-)


I think the easiest way is to just say it, the more you think it over I think the harder it will be cause yr mind will make up all sort of reactions he could have.

he might not be happy at first but he might just be glad to know, if you do think he won't be able to deal at all maybe you could leave it until yr a bit older and
move out so you both have yr own space to deal with it? I know it's hard
to not be open an 'lie to yr family' but maybe it just won't work while you all live together.

if it were me, I'd just come out with it an get it over.

thanks Bethie, I will find that hard to do, but I shall give it a shot :-D


That, I think about everything they will react like and that's why I can't physically tell them I have a boyfriend (I text my Mum telling her, she already knew wow). Anyway, as this is a more sensitive topic I would just sit him down and tell him, it's what I would do as I don't think something like that should be done through text nor do I condone it, this way you see his reaction immediately etc. and you get his opinion and stuff. I also think that if you're ready to tell him then it should be easier (just my opinion) are your mum and dad together because I know if I told my mum something like that she'd tell my dad.

nah, my mum and dad split up and thanks :-3

[Cerys]

Imo, I know it may be diffucult, but I'd be really calm and just tell him. Say that it's who you are and you like being who you are, even if others don't accept it.
Ifyou don't tell him till in a few years time, I'd personally be more upset at you for not telling and not being open.

Maybe you could tell him that you're really nervous about coming out to him and just explain it calmly.
His reaction may be terrible, but atleast when youve told him, you don't have to tell him again and it won't be dragging you down becuase you know you don't have to tell him anymore.

Goodluck for when you do xxxx

[Catzsy]

Well for a couple of months now, I have really wanted to come out to my family. At Christmas I told my mum about my sexuality, she didn't take it well. She wouldn't stop crying, and would make snide remarks such as 'Oh the only reason you think your a lesbian is because you don't have a boyfriend and your overweight' (thanks mum love you too) and by the end of that night it was spread around most of her sides family (which I wasn't happy with because I asked her not to, until I was ready to tell the rest)

Now I have been trying to tell dad, but I just don't know how to tell him. I don't want dad to react the same way as my mum. I've tried hinting occasionally, but he manages to turn it into a joke.

Has anyone got any advice? +rep for any suggestions :-)

From what you say about him turning it into a joke I actually think he already knows but just does not know how to handle it. This may not be negative at all just that he is confused about it as we all are at some time about certain things in life. It does not sound as if he is going to react badly to it so I would just lay off and give him time to digest it. If you really want to tell him now I suggest that you write him a note so that he can deal with it privately in the first instance. I feel your Mother acted in a very immature way especially telling others despite your wishes. You deserved more respect and understanding than that. xxx

[Jay@Jay77]

Jazz, just say to him this is you and that your still his daughter whatever, he can't disown you, and he'll never stop loving you. He might not specificly 'like' you but never stop loving you.

[:ADIO]

I had a friend named Justin in a similar situation a couple years ago. He was a great friend of mine through high school, but moved to New York and "discovered himself". He ended up just coming out and telling them how it was - he didn't sugar coat it or anything. His parents took it very hard, but he doesn't regret a thing because he was honest with them. It was not easy for him though, and it most likely won't be easy for you either.

I remember Justin's dad talking to me about a week after he found out, and he told me something that I will never forget. He told me that he wasn't mad at Justin and that he was in fact proud of him for finally owning up to who he was. He still hurt badly though because he thought that something had been taken away from him - the fact that he will never have grandchildren tore him up.

Also realize that at the age of 17 you are essentially an adult - you make your own decisions that will inevitably have consequences; but you are still young and have a lot of changes to go through. What seems right today may not seem right tomorrow; I personally change the person I am every 6 months haha. I am not the same person i was when I was 21, 18, or 16. Just make sure of 2 things and you can't go wrong: 1 - always be honest with those you love, 2 - never compromise your morals or values for anyone.

[Vause]

Jazz you could of talked to me about this so many times, silly!

I was 13 when I came out to my family. Considering I'm almost 21, that's almost 8 years. They're all fine now. Of course at first, they were upset and I had the EXACT same excuses growing up, you're only saying that because you don't have a boyfriend..

Honestly Jazz, the best advice I have is - time is a big thing. You need to let them know, you're still the same, it changes nothing. Write it in a letter, that helped me. My Mum is so accepting now and it's never mentioned!

I'm always here babe :)

[Jazz]

I had a friend named Justin in a similar situation a couple years ago. He was a great friend of mine through high school, but moved to New York and "discovered himself". He ended up just coming out and telling them how it was - he didn't sugar coat it or anything. His parents took it very hard, but he doesn't regret a thing because he was honest with them. It was not easy for him though, and it most likely won't be easy for you either.

I remember Justin's dad talking to me about a week after he found out, and he told me something that I will never forget. He told me that he wasn't mad at Justin and that he was in fact proud of him for finally owning up to who he was. He still hurt badly though because he thought that something had been taken away from him - the fact that he will never have grandchildren tore him up.

Also realize that at the age of 17 you are essentially an adult - you make your own decisions that will inevitably have consequences; but you are still young and have a lot of changes to go through. What seems right today may not seem right tomorrow; I personally change the person I am every 6 months haha. I am not the same person i was when I was 21, 18, or 16. Just make sure of 2 things and you can't go wrong: 1 - always be honest with those you love, 2 - never compromise your morals or values for anyone.

Thank you, this kind of puts it in perspective for me.


Jazz you could of talked to me about this so many times, silly!

I was 13 when I came out to my family. Considering I'm almost 21, that's almost 8 years. They're all fine now. Of course at first, they were upset and I had the EXACT same excuses growing up, you're only saying that because you don't have a boyfriend..

Honestly Jazz, the best advice I have is - time is a big thing. You need to let them know, you're still the same, it changes nothing. Write it in a letter, that helped me. My Mum is so accepting now and it's never mentioned!

I'm always here babe :)

Thanks Emma haha, I didnt really think to talk to you before I posted this. :-P

[:ADIO]

Hope it helped, good luck with everything