The Joke Thread

[CaptainAce$$]

Bad jokes. Good jokes. Make sure they are clean. Share your jokes here.

Knock Knock
Who's there
Rain
Rain who
Rain dear, Rudolph the red nosed rain dear

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide

What do you call a nervous celery?
An edgy veggie

Moved by Lee (Forum Moderator): From 'Discuss Anything' as it's better suited here.

[Oleh]

A security guard starts working at a dock and at the end of the day he sees a worker leaving, pushing a wheelbarrow full of straw.The security guard is suspicious that the man is stealing from the ships, but after searching through the straw, he can't find anything more than old straw for the man's garden. The next day the same thing happens and again he can't find any stolen goods in the wheelbarrow, just straw.
Over the next 4 years this happens every single day, and the security guard never stops suspecting the man of stealing, until one day the man leaves with no wheelbarrow.
The security guard asks him why he has no wheelbarrow today and the man says it's because this is his last day, he's retiring. The security guard can't contain his curiosity and begs the man to tell him what he's been stealing all these years.
The man replies: Wheelbarrows.

[Meloneeze.]

A redhead a blonde and a brunette were running from the cops. They each hid in potato sacks as a police officer came up and looked in each one. The first had the redhead in it. She said "Woof woof". The second had the brunette in it. She said "Meow" the third had the blond in it. She popped up and said "Potato!"

[David]

my sense of humour is far too brutal to post here.
here's something though.


I tried to share a kebab with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench last night.

He told me to **** off and buy my own.