if your bf/gf was unable to have children, is it ok to end the relationship?

[wixard]

im at work on my phone but this is being discussed on the radio that a man broke up with a woman after finding out she was unable to conceive because of A medical condition, and people are saying that it's wrong of him!! WHAT.

what do you guys think?

---------- Post added 19-03-2013 at 10:52 PM ----------

just to clarify he was with her 4 months

[Samantha]

It could be seen as wrong by some but I don't think it's that wrong, of course if that happened to me I would feel it was wrong as I get attached to people and develop feelings easily but if you want children and know for definite you did then you could look at other means whether it be adoption, IVF or finding another partner. I know some people, well I've read about it that some women tell the partner to find someone else to give them children and I find that brave but if that's the choice what feelings do they have for the person?

For the record I'm just saying it's up to the person but it depends on how you and your partner feel about it all.

[scottish]

Not gonna write an essay but yes, it's not wrong of him to end a relationship if he wishes to start a family and the person hes with cannot provide that

obviously they could look at other methods but thats down to their opinions on such stuff.

[FlyingJesus]

If you don't want to be in a relationship with someone then no reason is "wrong". The breakup can be poorly executed and obv it often is but to suggest that there are genuinely wrong reasons for breaking up with someone means that you think the person is somehow obliged to stay in a relationship they're not happy with

[Shar]

I don't actually know. I do know that I want children but..I know a couple who were married for 20 years before they conceived and now have a little on. You just don't know what could happen.

[Kardan]

Each to their own, but I wouldn't do that.

[AlexJRiley]

As a person whos main ambition in life is to get married and start a family of his own, I can see where the person is coming from but at the same time the moral implications sort of yeah... its a hard thing to gauge its dependent on the entire relationship

[MKR&*42]

Personal standpoint; I don't want kids so I wouldn't be too disappointed :P. As for others, entirely their decision - some breakups aren't exactly based on the grounds of a "nice decision" but he's allowed to do that as he so pleases^.

[Metric1]

yep. fine with me.

[buttons]

i don't think its wrong to, i would be gutted if my other half couldn't have children and know it would put strain on the relationship and result in ending. i don't believe there's one person in the world for everyone so you could easily fall for someone else and have kids with them. 4 months is NOTHING in a relationship, it's good he got out now rather than wait years to admit he wants kids and now she can find someone who doesn't mind the situation i guess

[Rachel]

If you truly love the person you won't leave for this reason. Just accept the way he/she is and go to next step towards adoption like some few people mentioned. You don't know if the person cannot have kids you have to go through the moment where nothing happens and then you ask questions but no need to leave the person for this then you didn't love or care for the one you were in a relationship with.

[scottish]

If you truly love the person you won't leave for this reason. Just accept the way he/she is and go to next step towards adoption like some few people mentioned. You don't know if the person cannot have kids you have to go through the moment where nothing happens and then you ask questions but no need to leave the person for this then you didn't love or care for the one you were in a relationship with.

erm what...

just because you end a relationship doesn't mean you didn't care or love the person you were with..

it's pretty obvious that she was checked out and wasn't a case of a little while where nothing happened, he does know she can't have kids and if one of the things he wants out of a relationship is to start a family then he can end the relationship, that says nothing about past feelings towards them.

[Sian]

after 4 months, then no. But if it's been quite a long relationship it's wrong. If you loved them you'd find a way around it, like adoption or surrogacy... no need to be so harsh when it's no-ones fault. Unless it genuinely starts to break the relationship apart i guess.

[wixard]

if the person really wanted children though, and children of their own at that (not to mention adoption is an extremely lengthy and difficult process) and stayed with their partner, would the fundamentals of it all not slowly ruin the relationship anyway?

[GoldenMerc]

No theres always other options you can take etc, So i'd say no.

[scottish]

if the person really wanted children though, and children of their own at that (not to mention adoption is an extremely lengthy and difficult process) and stayed with their partner, would the fundamentals of it all not slowly ruin the relationship anyway?

Yeah and if they did stay together for say 10 years then he's slowly going to resent her more and more every day cause shes unable to give him what he wants when he could have been with someone else and have a kid etc

[Cerys]

I guess not.

But I'd be pretty angry with him. I'd think that he was only with me for kids or something. Cos I mean, there is otherways of having kids.

[Luke367]

Their are other ways around to have kids, But if you love someone you stay with them.

[Empired]

Obviously love isn't the only factor. There are things like how long you've been together, how old both of you are, how desperate you are to have children, etc.

People can say that love should get you through it together now, but I can't say whether I'd stay or go until I'm in that situation (hopefully not). Your expectation of something is always totally different from reality.

[Yawn]

harsh but not wrong.

having said that he obviously wasnt 'the one' (thats rly gay cant believe i said that lol) if he left her though. the right person for her would accept her the way she is :)

[Cassiieee]

It's a bit harsh to leave someone because they are not able to have children.
They could always consider adoption or where someone carries the baby for the person. (Forgot what it's called)
There is always a way to have a child.

[Accipiter]

Honestly? I'd just adopt...

[Rachel]

Yeah and if they did stay together for say 10 years then he's slowly going to resent her more and more every day cause shes unable to give him what he wants when he could have been with someone else and have a kid etc


It's call talk to each other and adopt a child. I know it's know his own but you don't go and break up for this reason..... come on seriously.

[Sloths]

Imo he's allowed to as he doesn't see the relationship working out but there's ways around it rather than simply ditching her just for that reason. It's a bit silly to break up if that is the only reason though and to me it's a bit wrong but it's his choice in the end..

[Empired]

It's a bit harsh to leave someone because they are not able to have children.
They could always consider adoption or where someone carries the baby for the person. (Forgot what it's called)
There is always a way to have a child.
Surrogacy!

And erm, yeah, surrogacy is a good idea but some people have really strong views about stuff like that. Sometimes people can get really picky and only want a child unless it's their own or they wouldn't feel like a mother/father.

[scottish]

It's call talk to each other and adopt a child. I know it's know his own but you don't go and break up for this reason..... come on seriously.

Of course you can break up for that reason, if he wants a kid, his own kid, then he has every right to break up for that reason

well he has every right to break up with her for ANY reason.

Just cause he wants a kid doesn't mean he wants to adopt one...

[Kyle]

Of course you can break up for that reason, if he wants a kid, his own kid, then he has every right to break up for that reason

well he has every right to break up with her for ANY reason.

Just cause he wants a kid doesn't mean he wants to adopt one...

Wanting a child of your own is obviously a big thing but if you really loved someone surely you'd be an adult about it and compromise by adopting, using ivf or whatever, instead of fostering such a sense of resentment just because they can't 'give you what you want' without help. There are so many options available today that this is just not a valid enough reason for me, obviously it's a potential strain on the relationship but it's not something that can't be overcome. If she wasn't prepared to go down another route though, I think I'd call it quits since I do want children and am not prepared to let someone prevent me from doing so.

[Rachel]

Of course you can break up for that reason, if he wants a kid, his own kid, then he has every right to break up for that reason

well he has every right to break up with her for ANY reason.

Just cause he wants a kid doesn't mean he wants to adopt one...


Well that's you but I find it quite harsh. If you can talk to the person first instead of say hey it's over as you cannot have a child seriously there are many ways to not end up in a relationship.

[FlyingJesus]

Seriously people are saying that one is MORALLY OBLIGED to stay with someone when the relationship makes them resentful and sad? Some of you are sounding like Dan with his "no-one can ever split up it will create gays and Muslims" ideas

[Rachel]

I never said they are forced to stay together but if they really love each other it's called communication. I know I wouldn't leave my fiancée if he couldn't have kids. That's my opinion. I truly love him and there is nothing that will make me change direction of path. If you just go out with someone for just having kids then seriously do you love the person then if she/he can't have any?

[FlyingJesus]

If you love a person you love the entirety of them and the situation and how they make you feel, there's no magical destiny button that gets pressed when you like someone which binds you to them and makes nothing change ever, so if things do change (like something which affects your ENTIRE FUTURE together) then it's certainly far healthier to get out than stay in a miserable state that you don't see complete hope and happiness in

[Zak]

if you love them, you wouldn't end the relationship