I think I have Bipolar Disorder

[cold.clown]

I have a medical condition diagnosed already called Polymicrogyria which is a malformation of the brain causing to lots of folds on the outside of the brain. As a result, I am epileptic and have to take medication which is also used to treat Bipolar Disorder. I didn't take my medication for a week, and during that time I had huge mood swings which caused me to upset my best friend (ex-girlfriend) because I poured out a lot of emotions which were caused by delusions of what really happened which I read is common in Bipolar Disorder.

The person who I care for most of all outside family is no longer talking to me until I go see someone about this. I don't want to be labeled with any more problems, I want to be normal and think I can be in time. My medication helps with my mood swings (I never get angry, it's usually extreme happiness or depression lasting days), but as a result, I do not feel many emotions - when my dog died, when I split up with my girlfriend, when I graduated... I felt nothing.

I want to let my parents know, but I can't, especially my mum who's blaming herself for my Polymicrogyria and epilepsy as it could be Genetic. If I tell them that I think I'm Bipolar, and get diagnosed.. I fear that they will grow further apart from me as I feel they already have.

I have plenty of friends, but no one I can talk to. If I tell them, I feel I'll become an outcast. I just had to get this off my chest, as it may help me.

[Empired]

Why did you stop taking your medicine? Surely if you just stay on that then you're OK as it treats Bipolar too.

Also, if you come off medicine that you've been on for a long time you often act very oddly because your body isn't used to functioning on its own. Go and see your GP on your own if you're particularly worried, though, but I would still tell your mum; if she blames herself, she will feel worse if she finds out that you have bipolar and you didn't​ tell her.

[buttons]

#1 there is no 'normal'. many people are diagnosed with illnesses or a range of illnesses. once one condition is under control, the rest can be too. i had one disorder which led to a series of others making me feel like a freak, thinking everything about me was wrong and wondering what i'd be 'diagnosed' with next. once i got the root of it under control the rest subsided because they were all a result of the first one. like you say, it's your polymicrogyria causing the epilepsy and it could be that the medication combined with withdrawal of it which causes the mood swings. once you get the polymicrogyria under control again then the mood swings should hopefully fade too, don't diagnose yourself with bipolar just yet.

i'd deffo ask for alternatives to medication (or alternatives the medication you're on as i realize its probably not an option to come off it for your polymicrogyria), i'm mostly against medication in the first place but if it's making you apathetic to situations where you should be feeling sad then isn't it worth trying out other alternatives?

also you need to tell your mum there are a million other people going through illnesses or a range of illnesses and there are a million other causes for them. bipolar, polymicrogyria etc are nothing to be ashamed of no matter how hard they can get. i think some people may react negatively if you tell them you've been diagnosed with bipolar, depending on who they are, not because it's bipolar but because it's a label, but they haven't outcast you whilst you've showed the 'symptoms' you think you have already, have they? you're under no obligation to tell them you have it if it turns out you do but at the same time telling someone and being accepted regardless can be helpful for your self-esteem. like i say, no matter how people react, it's nothing you should be ashamed of.

anyway i hope you get the help you need