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Narnat,
26-04-2013, 04:11 PM
I have this friend and she has a bit of a habit of pushing people away especially when shes hurting herself. I know shes been going through a lot just now and I completely know that it's important to give her the space but I don't know how to still be there for her encase she needs me, does that make sense? - Shes not very good with saying how she feels so she finds it hard to be like ''I don't want to push you away, come back?'' sort of thing normally I just need to guess when she needs me but I don't want to not be there for her when she really needs me. What if I don't see the signs that she needs me to come back? :/

Damos
27-04-2013, 12:17 AM
Have you asked her if she'd ever speak to a councilor because there could be something far deeper to this

Narnat,
27-04-2013, 12:20 AM
I have said to her about it but she doesn't think it's for her. I've tried giving her information and helping her from my own experiences! I just think I'm scared that I might miss the hint that she needs me. She never tells me that she does so I need to guess when it's okay to start speaking to her again if that makes sense? - I'm just trying to be a good friend but I'm scared that I'm failing her or that I could fail her by not seeing that she needs me. It's pretty complicated :/

Teabags
27-04-2013, 11:23 PM
I have said to her about it but she doesn't think it's for her. I've tried giving her information and helping her from my own experiences! I just think I'm scared that I might miss the hint that she needs me. She never tells me that she does so I need to guess when it's okay to start speaking to her again if that makes sense? - I'm just trying to be a good friend but I'm scared that I'm failing her or that I could fail her by not seeing that she needs me. It's pretty complicated :/
Doubt she wants to seek formal help. All you can do really is continually check on her to make sure she's okay and if she's got anything on her mind - be persistent, but not patronising. It's tricky finding the balance, but it's more about being supportive rather than pester someone for answers.

Might not make sense but you don't even have to say anything. Just being there and having a precense can be a sign that she's not got to face whatever issues she has, on her own.
Goodluck!

wixard
27-04-2013, 11:30 PM
i've a friend that's suffered from an eating disorder for about 5 years ago, there has been so many times we've tried approaching her about it/confronting her but she'll just get really mad and start crying and screaming at us. essentially, we've given up. people critisise us and say 'you're meant to be her best friends why are you not even bothering to help' BUT SHE WONT LET US. how can we help when she wont let us?

i don't think you should force yourself to constantly be there for her or feel that as your friend it's your duty to do that, because it's not. just watch out for her, don't always ask her if she's okay or if she wants to talk, take a more subtle approach if you're ever worried and ask her how she is or how she's feeling, or reveal something about yourself that might be worrying you and see if she mirrors that with a problem of her own or something she might want to let out

Catchy
27-04-2013, 11:48 PM
i've a friend that's suffered from an eating disorder for about 5 years ago, there has been so many times we've tried approaching her about it/confronting her but she'll just get really mad and start crying and screaming at us. essentially, we've given up. people critisise us and say 'you're meant to be her best friends why are you not even bothering to help' BUT SHE WONT LET US. how can we help when she wont let us?

i don't think you should force yourself to constantly be there for her or feel that as your friend it's your duty to do that, because it's not. just watch out for her, don't always ask her if she's okay or if she wants to talk, take a more subtle approach if you're ever worried and ask her how she is or how she's feeling, or reveal something about yourself that might be worrying you and see if she mirrors that with a problem of her own or something she might want to let out

this advice is spot on tbh

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