Closeness to people of the opposite sex/same sex during a relationship.

[Chug!]

How far do you think you're allowed to go with a member of the opposite sex/or same sex whilst you're in a relationship?


For example, if you're a male in a relationship with a girl/or guy, do you think it's alright to cuddle up to someone else? Kiss someone else?

Or do you think it should strictly be nothing unless you're with the person in your relationship.


IDK, people think differently, so I'm asking what the majority of you think :)

[Inseriousity.]

Interesting question, I've noticed big differences too. For me, it's flirting. Flirt all you like but don't act on it. Then again I don't find cuddles or kisses to necessarily have to be sexual, they can just be friendly, that'd take some serious insecurities to be threatened by that and if you don't trust the person you're with to even hug people without thinking 'oh god they're cheating' then why are you still with them?

[StevenWinehouse]

Well if I was in a relationship, I wouldn't cuddle up with another girl, or even flirt for that matter. I'm not saying that flirting is cheating if you're already in a relationship, but personally I'd feel bad if I flirted with another girl while being in a relationship. The farthest I would go with another girl when I'm in a relationship is a friendship.

[buttons]

yeah there are friendly hugs but id be so paranoid that even though its so little it can turn into more? cause at the end of the day, in my relationship we started out as friends and became more so it's possible to happen with someone else. id worry more if there was a past between them or if he hugged someone who has feelings for him. this isn't to say i don't trust him but life and love isn't certain or fixed so i would worry a little but not get angry or too upset.

however, i do have guy friends who im close with in the sense we've been friends for years and ive told them personal things and yeah there may be friendly hugging etc so im being hypocritical here but in the end, the person im closest to and tell everything to is my boyfriend. if you're looking for someone else to tell everything to then why are you still in a relationship with the person you can't do it to?

tbh i don't want my boyfriend even texting other girls so can't see why someone wouldn't mind their partner cuddling/kissing someone else :S luckily he is a cold-hearted ******* so there will be no friendly hugging or in depth personal talking with other girls ;). & i personally wouldn't want him being ok with me doing anything more than friendly hugging someone. that's me but it's all up to the individual relationship, in previous relationships ive not cared too much about them having close girl friends.

[Yawn]

well i remember i thought my friend was a crazy psycho gf because her bf was spending a lot of time with this girl (hanging out as friends) and she was like U NEED 2 STOP SPENDING SO MUCH TIME WITH HER and being rly angry about it. every1 thought she was being crazy and unreasonable.

anyway turns out that they were cheating together and the gf could tell something was up and knew because she knew her bf that well. his body language towards this new girl was exactly the same as when he 1st started seeing the gf and when they started to get together and he liked her. the bf and the new girl r now (like 2 years on??) in a relationship

i cant quite remember where i was going with this but i would probs like to think i'd be cool with my bf and another girl being friendly and having hugs but tbh i would probs get jealous :'(

[Inseriousity.]

It's possible though that her being crazy and unreasonable pushed them together even more!

[Samantha]

It doesn't take anything sometimes for you to develop feelings for someone, my ex started liking my sister and I did twig eventually, he even tried it on with a forum member here, chatting her up and everything. I was right to be paranoid then, but now I'm in this new relationship it's a lot different. With my ex liking my sister I would always be weary in the future if my boyfriend and her became close or anything. However, last week although I didn't like the idea at first my sister and my current boyfriend went to Liverpool University together for an open day and my paranoia went away throughout the day. I also felt jealous of this girl from work talking to him so much, but once I spent time with her she seemed fine and she is a great friend of mine too, plus I think she's a lesbian. All I'm saying is that I wouldn't like someone I was with kissing or hugging someone else, I trust my boyfriend with everything and it's more those who he'd hug/kiss that I feel paranoid over. Although, I think if he hugged his friends from university I'd be ok with it as he's known them years, he rarely sees them and I don't think he's one for cheating at all.

I hope that made sense.

laura; don't I waffle on ;)?

[lawrawrrr]

It doesn't take anything sometimes for you to develop feelings for someone, my ex started liking my sister and I did twig eventually, he even tried it on with a forum member here, chatting her up and everything. I was right to be paranoid then, but now I'm in this new relationship it's a lot different. With my ex liking my sister I would always be weary in the future if my boyfriend and her became close or anything. However, last week although I didn't like the idea at first my sister and my current boyfriend went to Liverpool University together for an open day and my paranoia went away throughout the day. I also felt jealous of this girl from work talking to him so much, but once I spent time with her she seemed fine and she is a great friend of mine too, plus I think she's a lesbian. All I'm saying is that I wouldn't like someone I was with kissing or hugging someone else, I trust my boyfriend with everything and it's more those who he'd hug/kiss that I feel paranoid over. Although, I think if he hugged his friends from university I'd be ok with it as he's known them years, he rarely sees them and I don't think he's one for cheating at all.

I hope that made sense.

@laura (http://www.habboxforum.com/member.php?u=61966); don't I waffle on ;)?

definitely stopped reading that after the first sentence



I think it depends on each individual: while I was with one of my boyfriends (not a hxfer), I had a cuddle and fell asleep on my male friends' sofa with him. I felt really guilty about it, but I was really upset at the time, and he was comforting. He didn't pressure me into anything further at all.

With my current boyfriend, I've got a level of trust I've never really felt like I've had before (no offense to anyone); he'd pretty much let me do anything, as long as I was honest and didn't take the mickey. Thanks to this, I've actually managed to rein myself in a bit, because he lets me have that, I no longer feel the urge to rebel.

Having said that, I do have a very close male friend who I have had a bit of a fling with in the past who I've been in the same single bed with, just close, and watching tv/talking, but he knows I wouldn't jeopardise what I have and he respects that.

I think if you're someone who's very easily tempted then it's very difficult to become extremely good and physically 'close' friends with someone of the opposite sex (or either sex is you're bisexual, same sex if you're gay, etc etc etc) because the temptation, one day, will present itself, unless the friend has enough restraint.

Although on the other hand, I'm bisexual and have kissed girls, and do kiss my female friends, on a pretty regular basis: it doesn't mean anything, just harmless fun. I've only ever done it with a man once or twice, but somehow society would see the second as cheating, the first as 'hot' fun. To me, personally, it's about what the two parties feel about each other and where they go from that. Honesty is the most important thing.

[scottish]

yeah there are friendly hugs but id be so paranoid that even though its so little it can turn into more? cause at the end of the day, in my relationship we started out as friends and became more so it's possible to happen with someone else. id worry more if there was a past between them or if he hugged someone who has feelings for him. this isn't to say i don't trust him but life and love isn't certain or fixed so i would worry a little but not get angry or too upset.

however, i do have guy friends who im close with in the sense we've been friends for years and ive told them personal things and yeah there may be friendly hugging etc so im being hypocritical here but in the end, the person im closest to and tell everything to is my boyfriend. if you're looking for someone else to tell everything to then why are you still in a relationship with the person you can't do it to?

tbh i don't want my boyfriend even texting other girls so can't see why someone wouldn't mind their partner cuddling/kissing someone else :S luckily he is a cold-hearted ******* so there will be no friendly hugging or in depth personal talking with other girls ;). & i personally wouldn't want him being ok with me doing anything more than friendly hugging someone. that's me but it's all up to the individual relationship, in previous relationships ive not cared too much about them having close girl friends.

yeah i'm same as that

so definitely no touching other areas McDonalds;

[Sharon]

lol i don't like my bf speaking to girls without me being there/me being friends with that girl but i know he's gonna do it anyway because 1) i've not said anything about it 2) he has every right to. i know for sure there's no flirting at all in these conversations anyway but meeeeeh doesn't stop me thinking of the worst

however i am a massive hypocrite as i still speak to guys so really don't have much of a right to be attempting to prevent him doing so

[Kardan]

It's pretty clear cut.

No flirting, cuddling, kissing... Why would you feel the need to do that with someone else?

I think people on here are very lenient :P

[FlyingJesus]

There is no hard and fast rule, it depends entirely on the people present in a relationship. I'm polyamorous - I don't believe that strict monogamy makes sense and find it weird that people feel like they only have enough love to give to one person at a time - but even in poly relationships there are rules on cheating, and everyone involved has to be comfortable with everyone else's behaviour or it can't work out. It's not the same as swinging which is a purely sexual thing (although a lot of poly people do seem to be swingers too) and when it comes to relationships it's the same intensity and trust that makes it special, so there obviously still has to be the exact same respect and love given and shown as there would be in a monogamous relationship

[Meanies]

I think that if you're with someone then all the cuddling/kissing/whatever else should only be done with that person. Surely if you really cared about that person then there wouldn't be any need to be doing that stuff with someone else. I know I wouldn't do anything like that with someone else and I'd hope for the same in return!

[Cerys]

Never really been in this situation, but I'd say you're allowed to hug someone of the same sex but not the opposite.

Idk though tbh. Depends on the type of person you're with and whether they're bothered about that stuff

[e5]

Hugging is as far as I'd expect to see a girlfriend of mine go with another lad, and only a friendly hug to say hi or bye. Kissing them (on the lips) is cheating in my opinion. When I was with my ex, I wouldn't want her kissing another lad our age on the cheek even as I know so many lads fancied her so I was probably quite paranoid. I wouldn't mind an older family member or friend or whatever that wouldn't get feelings for her if they/her kissed on the cheek as thats just polite and friendly if they were saying hi or bye.

I had bad experience with my ex so I guess i was right to be paranoid, but it's the reason why today we're not together, although I probably wouldn't say no to getting back with her now as I think shes grown up and learnt a lesson. Although shes with someone else now, so I don't wait around :P Not fair on me! But I don't think it will last too long ;)

[Inseriousity.]

It's pretty clear cut.

No flirting, cuddling, kissing... Why would you feel the need to do that with someone else?

I think people on here are very lenient :P

I think people on here are very strict :P
I'm not really one of those overly affectionate types so don't feel the need to kiss or hug people hello or goodbye but I am a big flirt. It's just banter and nothing serious. I'm not going to sacrifice who I am because of a relationship. I therefore can't be a hypocrite and expect my partner to not flirt with anyone (and I think that's the main issue for me really, it's almost always one-sided. "No you can't have that friend because she's a girl but I'm allowed to have these friends who are boys because I obviously wouldn't do anything, I love you duh!")

[Kardan]

I think people on here are very strict :P
I'm not really one of those overly affectionate types so don't feel the need to kiss or hug people hello or goodbye but I am a big flirt. It's just banter and nothing serious. I'm not going to sacrifice who I am because of a relationship. I therefore can't be a hypocrite and expect my partner to not flirt with anyone (and I think that's the main issue for me really, it's almost always one-sided. "No you can't have that friend because she's a girl but I'm allowed to have these friends who are boys because I obviously wouldn't do anything, I love you duh!")

:P

I guess I'm not a flirty person, but even if I was, why would I need to flirt with someone else, when I have my girlfriend for that?

Personal preference I guess :P

[JACKTARD]

It completely depends on how trusting and secure your partner feels. Some things like a kiss and a spoon are going to be a no no for 99% of people though.

[Phil]

The furthest I'd feel comfortable with is my girlfriend hugging another guy and then as far as playful flirting with other girls. All the guys she knows are also like my best friends. I dunno how I'd feel about her hugging a guy I didn't know; to an extent anyway.

[Daltron]

For me flirting is flirting and I don't like it if I am in a relationship with someone. My view is pretty much the same as Kardan;

[Shar]

No cuddling, flirting, kissing or even texting. I think that's fair and I'm not being all high maintenance about it.

[Zak]

Appartently I flirt with girls I know in real life now.. I think how I used to talk to people on Habbo didn't help as it's natural to speak in that manner. Of course I don't see it myself because I've always just been that way - but according to Laura apparently I am flirty in my nature.

I have had female friends whilst with Laura but they all end up wanting more.. The only exception to this is if they're friends with my girlfriend too. Then nothing happens.

[kasi]

in my opinion it entirely depends on your intent

if you're in a relationship, can you give friendly hugs to other people? sure you can, you don't mean anything else by it
but if you're intending for the hug to go further than just a friendly hug, then that is entirely different

[Charz777]

I don't see the point in being in a relationship if you feel the need to flirt, hug, kiss or spend an excessive amount of time with someone else?

If you need to do all these things with someone else, your partner clearly isn't doing their job right, or you are clearly not satisfied with the current parameters of the relationship.

*Is big on faithfullness and committment!*

[Yawn]

u all sound like scary bfs and gfs

[Gibs960]

I think flirting can cause paranoia tbh, I'd rather have my girlfriend kiss people in a friendly way than be flirting all the time.

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

[Munex]

I think it would be wrong to flirt. I see no reason why it would be acceptable. There's a difference between flirting and being friendly -- being friendly is perfectly acceptable. A kiss on the cheek is just being friendly in many scenarios, which would make it acceptable behaviour, but a meaningful kiss, even if intoxicated, is definitely immoral.

[Chug!]

Some of yous are so harsh:D
I agree with a few of you though, in many ways.

I just wanted to understand more peoples views :)

A friendly kiss is fine?
A friendly hug is fine?

Anything more, a no no?

is that the main dealio here?

[Jazz]

i wouldnt mind a partner flirting and hugging or texting

snogging faces and having sex is another story

vice versa

[Chug!]

i wouldnt mind a partner flirting and hugging or texting

snogging faces and having sex is another story

vice versa

I don't really see the issue with a girl or guy texting the opposite sex/same sex, whilst in a relationship. Surely it's life to engage with other people?

Some people are so insecure.

But I agree with you Jazz, sex is a defo no no with someone else whilst in relationships.

[Jazz]

I don't really see the issue with a girl or guy texting the opposite sex/same sex, whilst in a relationship. Surely it's life to engage with other people?

I wouldnt expect my partners to drop all of their female friends and never text another female just because im dating her. I would think im very clingy to do that, but it depends on the content of the texts they send somewhat

[AlexJRiley]

With me, im fine with hugs, and like a kiss on the cheek, and flirtings harmless but when you start acting upon that and going furthers thats when I classify it as cheating. (Also same sex, its not cheating if you get involved. Just saying).