Relationships: Does age difference matter?

[-:Undertaker:-]

Relationships: Does age difference matter?


http://i3.irishmirror.ie/incoming/article2919847.ece/ALTERNATES/s615/%C2%A3%C2%A3%C2%A3%C2%A3-Tom-Daley-and-his-boyfriend-Dustin-Lance-Black-2919847.jpg

Recently in the news the diver Tom Daley, aged 19, has come out and is rumoured to be in a relationship with a 39 year old screen writer. In the comments sections on newspaper articles, many have glossed over the age difference whereas many have commented that such a gap is creepy and represents the older partner in the relationship taking advantage. Others say that age doesn't matter when it comes to relationships and love.

On the other hand, it's also been questioned what people's reactions would be to a 19 year old woman dating a 39 year old man rather than a man and a man - would peope's reactions be different much as they are when it is a 39 year old woman and a 19 year old man?

But what do you think? Does age difference matter? If so, what are suitable age gaps in relationships? Does whether the relationship is between a man and a woman, or a man and a man etc affect how we view relationships with such an age divide?


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The debate is open to you.

[FlyingJesus]

Assuming everyone involved is legally consenting I seriously don't see what the issue is. People mature mentally at different ages, people across one demographic don't all have the same desires and interests, and essentially anyone who finds someone that they want to be with I salute and wish the best of luck with

[sex]

Yes, it's horrible to watch young fresh meat being spoiled by people on deaths door death

[Futz]

As long as they're all legally consenting adults then it's fine I guess

but I do think it's a bit weird when older adults prey on 16 year olds, I honestly don't think teens are clued up at that age so some I imagine are easily impressionable, after 18 even though they still may be dumb asf, they'll most likely be like that for the rest of their lives

[Lewis]

In my opinion, a 10 years older is the maximum for me. (as long as it's both legal ages).

But of course, who am I to judge and stand in the way of people who are dating the likes of people 20 years older? As long as they're both happy together (and it's the legal age again) then I don't care.

[Kardan]

Well, surely "if it matters" it's all based on opinion - there's no correct answer.

For me, of course it matters. If my 16 year old daughter was dating a 50 year old man, I wouldn't be happy. And if a 25 year old woman was dating an 80 year old man, I'd certainly question her reasons for doing so.

[Daltron]

If both are consenting adults then I don't really care what the age difference is, however for people underage I would say a suitable age difference maximum would be 3-4 years, anything over that might be weird.

With this said I think there is a negative stigma even within consenting adults if the age difference is quite significant and this again differs between male-female and male-male relationships. Does anyone remember when Harry Styles was rumoured to be dating an older woman? I dare say the flack he copped was much less harsh than that of Tom Daley. Thoughts?

[wixard]

If both are consenting adults then I don't really care what the age difference is, however for people underage I would say a suitable age difference maximum would be 3-4 years, anything over that might be weird.

With this said I think there is a negative stigma even within consenting adults if the age difference is quite significant and this again differs between male-female and male-male relationships. Does anyone remember when Harry Styles was rumoured to be dating an older woman? I dare say the flack he copped was much less harsh than that of Tom Daley. Thoughts?

FLACK... I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!

well i've always liked guys younger than me, and the person i currently like is 3 years younger than me and i don't see it as a problem, age never comes into play at all for me but THAT person (if you're reading hi) mentions it a lot so it's definitely a factor for him. it only affects the relationship if you let it in my opinion, and if it's something one person is focused on too much it can destroy the relationship. i just don't think it's fair to set a limit on something like 'age gaps' because as fj said we all mature mentally at different ages, and if you got on amazingly well with someone 3/4/5 years younger or older than you, why listen to what society deems right or wrong. it's stupid to live your life by the judgement of others, if they're happy they're happy. just leave them alone.

[Rachel]

Personally it shouldn't really matter as long as they are happy together. Now only impact it can happen is that one could be in the 70's and the other person in the 40's or 50's and that is a big difference in age. My mother married a man that was 20 years difference but they still loved each other.

Although if you are in the 20's and you are with someone that is 40 years old and older then I don't know. It looks wrong but if you are happy then it's your life.

I don't think age should matter like I said but that is my opinion.

[Yupt]

If two people enjoy being around each other then great, all the best. However I do find it somewhat creepy that the age gap is a greater figure than that of Tom Daleys age himself. He is old enough to be his dad which somewhat creeps me out. Not saying its wrong, but I do think that it's impractical for any future they want to have together.

[Aiden]

If both people know whats going on and agree I don't see why not. You may say a 14 year old and 19 year old is illegal, but not in every country. It generally has nothing to do with most people and should just let it rest.

[Kardan]

If both people know whats going on and agree I don't see why not. You may say a 14 year old and 19 year old is illegal, but not in every country. It generally has nothing to do with most people and should just let it rest.

A 14 year old and a 19 year old is illegal. Just because it may not be illegal in others countries doesn't make a difference in the UK.

[Aiden]

A 14 year old and a 19 year old is illegal. Just because it may not be illegal in others countries doesn't make a difference in the UK.

I'm not that stupid, I do know that. I'm just saying that thats just one law - THERES A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE!

[karter]

"It looks wrong but if you are happy then it's your life."

That's literally just saying that age difference matters, why don't you people just accept that you do think that age matters?? That phrase you used pretty much meant "I can't change your decisions but I'm gonna criticize them"

Here's a reminder for everyone who says "maybe a large age gap seems wrong" - This ain't your life, or your business, or an opportunity to voice your 18th century thoughts. Is there really anything that society has left to criticize when it comes to marriage - can't marry the same sex, can't marry someone that old, can't marry from this race. REALLY. You seriously have opinions on people about who should they marry? You can apply these rules on yourself and can you do everyone a favour by stapling your mouth when it's a matter of someone's personal life? Thanks!

[-:Undertaker:-]

"It looks wrong but if you are happy then it's your life."

That's literally just saying that age difference matters, why don't you people just accept that you do think that age matters?? That phrase you used pretty much meant "I can't change your decisions but I'm gonna criticize them"

Here's a reminder for everyone who says "maybe a large age gap seems wrong" - This ain't your life, or your business, or an opportunity to voice your 18th century thoughts. Is there really anything that society has left to criticize when it comes to marriage - can't marry the same sex, can't marry someone that old, can't marry from this race. REALLY. You seriously have opinions on people about who should they marry? You can apply these rules on yourself and can you do everyone a favour by stapling your mouth when it's a matter of someone's personal life? Thanks!

Why is it that this type of response is always posted whenever somebody comes across a view or a set of views they do not like? You do know that it's perfectly possible to disapprove of something or find something distasteful without actually wanting the law to get involved don't you? I may find the rockery you've built in your front garden bloody awful, or the magenta pink you've painted your front door terrible - but that doesn't mean i'm advocating the law become involved.

Where does this strange idea come from, one that seems hellbent on silencing free speech and the opinions of people that aren't deemed 'caring', that everybody has to be nice to everybody else and agree and accept everything they do? I don't agree or accept all the things everybody else does and i'm under no obligation to pretend I do.

[karter]

Why is it that this type of response is always posted whenever somebody comes across a view or a set of views they do not like? You do know that it's perfectly possible to disapprove of something or find something distasteful without actually wanting the law to get involved don't you? I may find the rockery you've built in your front garden bloody awful, or the magenta pink you've painted your front door terrible - but that doesn't mean i'm advocating the law become involved.

Where does this strange idea come from, one that seems hellbent on silencing free speech and the opinions of people that aren't deemed 'caring', that everybody has to be nice to everybody else and agree and accept everything they do? I don't agree or accept all the things everybody else does and i'm under no obligation to pretend I do.

HOWEVER there is a fine line between criticizing something and crossing someone's personal life.

If you didn't realize the 'free speech!!!!!!!!' applied to me too so I will freely criticize any opinion I find inappropriate. The only things where I've responded like this was the abortion and the racism issue anyway. I am not going to sit here and turn a blind eye to something which bothers me. What kind of a double standard is this though...you're the one with the loud opinions too as far as I can remember but suddenly you feel attacked by me trying to silence the thoughts I disapprove? So yeah no thanks, I'll not pretend to be satisfied with opinions I don't agree with and I'll speak against them until my mouth is dry

[-Moniquee.]

I don't think it matters too much personally, unless it has for to do with children. If the person is over 18 I don't see a big deal unless the age difference is quite significant 25years+. You always see all these really young girls with old millionaires and I think that is wrong because most likely they want money. But at the end of the day if the two people are happy then so be it.

I personally wouldn't go for anyone 5 years or older than me.

[GommeInc]

Assuming everyone involved is legally consenting I seriously don't see what the issue is. People mature mentally at different ages, people across one demographic don't all have the same desires and interests, and essentially anyone who finds someone that they want to be with I salute and wish the best of luck with
This. Debate over.

It's perfectly legal if the two adults are consenting, and any judgements made outside of the two consenting individuals are meaningless and trivial. The only people who care are those who care too much about salacious gossip because their own sex lives or lives in general are incredibly boring and worthless.

[despect]

Personally i'd say no unless its more than 7 years or so. I just wouldn't feel comfortable being in a relationship with someone who is a lot older than me. It's just scary. I mean if someone my age dated a person who isn't even legal i would be a bit freaked out haha but that could be just me. Each to their own i guess.

[Charz777]

I'd say it's an issue. I assume we are talking legal situations here and not 13 year olds...?

But really, just because a person is 16 and legal (in the case of the UK) that doesn't make it okay to be in a relationship with a 40 year old. I'd have thought the 40 year old would know better for starters.

And I guess you could say that if they are both concenting adults it's fine. But I'd be suspicious if a 20-something year old was going out with someone twice their age or older. There could be many reasons; the obvious stereotypes like golddigging, cradle-robbing etc. But is it really in their best interests? What if they have kids and the older parent isn't alive to watch them grow up. Also, is the younger partner prepared to become widowed when their older partner dies while they themselves are young, and to care for that older partner through the sicknesses or what not associated with old age? Will the younger partner want to do things in their life that the older partner did 20/30 years ago and now has no interest in?