Domestic Abuse

[Aiden]

Hiya - at school we're going a campaign on domestic abuse among young people. I would like it if I could include some Habbox(ers) in mine. If you have an opinion on this then please fill out the form below. It's aimed at 13 - 17 year olds so if you're around that age range then you'd be great! It will be very useful. Thanks. :)

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First Name:
Age:
City (UK only):
Gender:
Opinion:

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If you're struggling with ideas for your opinion then you could include:

Advice
Personal Experiences (no real names)
Domestic abuse of girls or boys more important
Is it still domestic abuse if its mentally? (and other ways which aren't physical)
Boys hitting girls - right?
Girls hitting boys - right?
Can young people be in love?

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If you want to be included but not personally mentioned, sent me a PM under a false name. Truthful stories only though if you have any.

[Empired]

Sent you my opinions! This is interesting but I'm not so keen on such a broad subject. As I said in the PM, domestic abuse is actually a massive topic with loads of different sides and stories. Nice to see a school trying to tackle it though. My school would never have thought to cover anything like this :rolleyes:

[lucaskf390]

Only people of UK can send?

[Aiden]

Only people of UK can send?

Yeah, sorry. It's for a charity based in the UK. :)

And I think it's a rather good thing to do in schools. It will be interesting to see how it all plans out... has to been done by March!

[lawrawrrr]

I'm older than 17 (20) but happy to help out still, let me know if I'm too old :P

[Aiden]

I'm older than 17 (20) but happy to help out still, let me know if I'm too old :P

I'm sure you'd be fine as long as you express the opinion for the ages of 13 to 17. :)

[lawrawrrr]

I'm sure you'd be fine as long as you express the opinion for the ages of 13 to 17. :)
Haha, it's not like anything's changed in my opinion since I was that age so yeah :) Will send it you soon!

[FlyingJesus]

Are you just looking for the opinions of youngsters or do you want facts to go alongside it as well because I have a hell of a lot of them on this subject which most people probably wouldn't have known (such as 70% of non-reciprocal abuse being committed by a female while people tend to think of abuse as a male crime) and would be glad to dig them up if you want them

[Aiden]

That'd be great FlyingJesus. I need to produce a lot of work out of this so as much as possible will be good! (Don't think I'm just putting anything in though - I'm not)

[FlyingJesus]

Oops fell asleep what a bell, sorry
Ok so some basics (with sources so you can pretend to have found and interpreted the studies yourself :P)

Really good study that covers quite a lot to start off (http://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/abs/10.2105/AJPH.2005.079020), results show that
*24% of ALL heterosexual relationships involve some sort of abuse at one time or another
*49.7% of these were reciprocal ie: both parties were abusive to one another
*In the remaining number where only one partner was abusive, around 70% of the people being abusive were female (which means that around 85% of women and 65% of men in relationships are abusive to some degree)
*Women are more likely to be continually abusive (repeat performances) whereas men are more likely to cause reported injuries. However, higher-grade injuries even leading to full-scale mutilation and death are experienced more by abused males than females
*People in relationships of reciprocal violence are far more likely to escalate to injury than those where only one party is doing the abusing

Obviously ridiculously huge numbers all round which is really sad, does seem to show that the usual visual of a battered woman with a powerful husband continually attacking her is actually in the minority of DV cases though even though it's shown as the most prominent by the media



Really good site overall here (http://www.parity-uk.org/male_dom_abuse2.php), but possibly the most interesting point is that although around 40% of DV victims are male (which seems not to make sense going by the above figures but does since homosexual relationships (especially lesbian) are more violent (http://www.healthpolicy.ucla.edu/pubs/files/IPV_PB_031810.pdf) than heterosexual ones) yet there are just 11 shelter spaces in the whole of the UK for men, as opposed to over 400 for women.



Finally (I promise!) one that relates directly to your project as it's about teen violence and abuse (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/06/070625111433.htm). It's slightly dated now but it very clearly shows that people who get involved in violence early on in life have a massively higher chance of being abusive in relationships all through their later life too. Girls in this study reported themselves as being more than twice as violent as their male counterparts which seems to suggest that none of the above problems are going away any time soon, and it all starts in the teenage years.

There's loads to get into if it's something that interests you, obv a bit heavy going for a school project but it's always good to learn in my view :P and of course always better to learn statistical facts than misrepresented portrayals

[Zak]

Advice
Since I fall out of the age bracket, maybe experience is something I can offer in the form of advice. Having suffered what I consider a low/moderate amount of domestic violence the best advice I can give is that nothing lasts forever. Things might seem bad at the time - but they will not always be this way. Just don't let how people have treated you out on others (such as your family). Don't ruin their lives as others may have ruined yours.

Personal Experience
As many people may know I had a miserable upbringing. My dad has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. My parents argue ALL the time. I have had items thrown at me, been punched in the face. Kicked in my back. split wooden spatula over my head. Locked outside at 1 in the morning - all probably between the age range of 13-17. If anything long time I have suffered a lot mental.

Domestic abuse of girls or boys more important
All domestic abuse is important esp when they're young. Any real bad abuse should be taken very seriously.

Is it still domestic abuse if its mentally? (and other ways which aren't physical)
Of course. I think it might be the main reason I have low self-esteem and low self-confidence (and why I hid myself away playing games - aren't you glad! :) ) I was constantly told I wasn't good enough. Nothing I ever did was never good enough for my parents. Now I feel as though nothing I achieve is ever good enough and I'm not good enough for people like my girlfriend despite everyone telling me otherwise. It's like I need constant reassurance.

Boys hitting girls - right?
Certainly not. It's one thing I cannot stand.

Girls hitting boys - right?
No.. but this question is a little open. You could have a 17 year old girl hitting an 8 year old boy which isn't right at all.. but if the two were the same age I don't think the majority of girls could do the same damage a boy could do. So I don't view it as so harsh - but that's just me. There are a lot of factors to take into consideration.

I hope this helps in your campaign. My views haven't changed despite my age.

[ComaDivine]

well, i'm 20 - a little outside your target age range - but hopefully my response helps regardless.

First Name: undisclosed
Age: 20
City (UK only): n/a (outside UK)
Gender: female
Opinion: domestic abuse is a major issue that isn't taken seriously enough - take, for example, the chris brown x rihanna incident. to this day you have people supporting chris brown saying that she "asked for it" and that he shouldn't be judged for what he did. to any reasonably moral person, that should sound like backwards, retrogressive trash - because it is.

domestic abuse is not necessarily solely a physical thing. emotional, sexual and verbal abuse are also forms of domestic abuse that can have horrific and lasting effects on victims. it is important to note that domestic abuse is abuse suffered within a relationship, which can make it all the more devastating as the offender is usually somebody the victim trusts and loves.

i personally have been through three physically/sexually abusive relationships/friendships. the first occurred when i was 13 - my friend and i were dating guys who were 3 or 4 years older than us, and i ended up with a split lip and a broken nose for refusing to sleep with my then-boyfriend. i don't think this incident had as much of an influence on my life or my general perception of humans (especially males) as most would expect. i was young and i did not have much of a connection to my offender, which helped me to detach from it a little.

the things i struggle with a little more: aged 16 - my then best friend and boyfriend (who i am fairly sure was an alcoholic or verging on it) shoving me into a closet door handle and holding my throat while spouting some foul crap in my face for no apparent reason, and being drugged, raped, and thereafter bullied and threatened into silence when i was 17 by a friend of my older brother's who i had also built up a pretty good friendship with. i don't think i will ever truly get over either of these things, but i am proud of myself for making it through them relatively intact.

unfortunately, a lot of other people suffer worse fates than i have. awareness and support is important - everyone should take care to look out for their friends and family and let it be known that they are there if their loved ones need to reach out.

as for the boys hitting girls vs girls hitting boys thing - the main reason there is a stigma surrounding this issue is because men are generally larger and physically stronger than their female counterparts, and thereby more likely to be able to cause physical harm. this does not mean that women cannot be abusive or that women are always weaker than men, but realistically, men are generally known to be able to cause more damage. when it comes to the likes of armed abuse, though, a knife is a knife regardless of who might be wielding it.

[Aiden]

Okay I've started to use these now! If anyone has anything else to contribute then please do! I'm trying to finish my written booklet as fast as possible for error checking and stuff! :D

+REP to anyone else's valid contribution :)