I can't get over my ex-girlfriend

[Lanyon]

It's been 3-4 months since my girlfriend dumped me. We had a two-year on-and-off relationship, we dated 5 times. I now currently have minimal communication with her being blocked on just about everything to the point where the only available way of communicating is through emails, which has happened but does not reply or alternatively I could bump into her in real life by accident, which hasn't happened yet, would be quite awkward anyway and is just unlikely!

So, I've done a lot of things, remove things out of my room that remind me of her, remove photos, I've tried hooking up with other girls, I've tried to focus on my hobbies more and hang out with my friends more often. I just cannot seem to find the distractions to get over my ex-girlfriend. I have even tried hypnosis!

I want either option to happen:



To be with her again
To get over her and move on


To be able to be with her again would mean having to fix a lot of things, obviously after having 5 relationships would mean that we had a lot of problems, to be honest it may seem to you that we just shouldn't be together but I always hope and think that if we could make sure of a few things, learn from mistakes, we would pull through to last forever, we work well together actually for the most of it!

To get over her and move on would also be amazing but just seems impossible for me! I can't do it. I don't know how. I can't work out if it's supposed to be something automatic or something I have to do, I don't get it!? :(

I would love to be able to get over her and be able to look after myself, find a new girlfriend when I'm ready and find that me my new girlfriend work even better together to the point where I really don't mind what I had with my ex-girlfriend. That just sounds like an unrealistic dream to me.

To be honest, the odds of me getting back with my girlfriend are like 1 in 100000, it just ain't going to happen! :(

What do I do?
​How do I get over her?

[Kardan]

Just carry on with life and it will happen. You really should have no communication with her, because having 'minimal' communication won't do anything to help.

[Lanyon]

Just carry on with life and it will happen. You really should have no communication with her, because having 'minimal' communication won't do anything to help.

I'm down to the point where I can only email her. Facebook, texting, calling are all blocked on main and back-up accounts.
Even if I do manage to end communication all together, how do I deal with the fact that I am still constantly reminded of her by friends, how she works across the street from me, how I deliver pizzas for my job which involves sometimes driving nearby or on her street, how do I deal with it all? Will it all end when I move out of my parent's place to another city? I would love to be able to just get over her by tomorrow or be back with her again. I'm a total wreck! :( sorry

[-Moniquee.]

I reckon it is better to have minimal communication than to have heaps of communication and not have any chance of getting back together. Just try and move on :). It will take time but in the end it will be worth it Phil-dawg

[Kardan]

I would say you shouldn't email her either, but that will only happen if she changes her email address (maybe she already has?) - I don't know if you can set up some sort of blacklist for sending emails, probably not.

There's no point in forcing your feelings to do anything, if you get over her, you do. If you can't, then that's telling you something, that you're not ready to let go. The thing is, it takes two to tango, and if she's not interested then you not being ready to let go doesn't mean much.

There's not much you can do, you are always going to remember that she exists, you just need to be less pessimistic about life I guess. Your life is controlled by you, and not by her. Why should you feel bad if you are on the same street as she works?

I'm not very good at this, I'm sure buttons or someone will come and help :P

[Lanyon]

I reckon it is better to have minimal communication than to have heaps of communication and not have any chance of getting back together. Just try and move on :). It will take time but in the end it will be worth it Phil-dawg

Thanks, time sucks :( lol. My mum reckons 6 months, would you agree with her?

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Why should you feel bad if you are on the same street as she works?

I'm not very good at this, I'm sure buttons or someone will come and help :P

It means I know when to look when she has a break or leaves work. It means that I'm constantly reminded of her. I just feel like I need to get away. I tell myself every-time I feel like I might see her leaving work on day while I'm across the street working where I work thinking "Alright Phil, if you see, her be strong about it". It's hard not to look out for her but that might just come with missing her so much. :( Sometimes I do manage to see her out the window of my work and then I end up being in a mad mood for the next 3-4 hours because of it, every-time! I just need to get away or get over her. I wish there was an easier way. If I can't get away, how do I challenge it and face it?

[-Moniquee.]

Thanks, time sucks :( lol. My mum reckons 6 months, would you agree with her?

I can't tell you that, it is different for everyone.

[Lanyon]

I can't tell you that, it is different for everyone.

Erghh yeah okay, I should have seen that coming.

[Yawn]

i think u need to chill out

[Lanyon]

i think u need to chill out

How do I do that?

[Kyle]

cutting off communication is not the answer imo. find a way to accept that you two are past the stage of being in love. she dumped you which means she did not feel as strongly as you did (and still do by looks of it) so holding onto these feelings is not something you should do either. let go. you clearly want her in your life so stop being so obsessive and simmer down for a while. when you come to terms with what is going on, figure out a way to talk to her rationally and become at least friends again. u not going to get over your feelings overnight or even over a few months so just gotta pretend like u dont care until u actually dont i guess.

[Yawn]

How do I do that?

just relax man

[wixard]

you are so young! honestly I think most of us here know how you feel and have experienced the whole 'im hurting so much nobody will ever understand' BUT WE ALL DO! and guess what, it will never fully go away, it's something you learn to live with and it just takes (forgive me for the T word) TIME. honestly, time heals all and even though you don't think it you will soon become interested in another person, and slowly your feelings for your ex will fade as this new person starts to take up your thinking time. there are gonna be times you think you're alright but something will trigger that gut wrenching feeling of heartbreak and you'll want to become miserable again and feel sorry for yourself but DONT. just carry on and it'll fade again. sorry im on my phone in uni so tbh don't even know if what I wrote make sense but just please know you're not going to feel like this forever and it's quite evident that it's time for you to move on, you're not the only one in this situation

[crystaldd0]

If you've tried 5 times to work things out then it probably just isn't meant to be. If you're sure there is no chance of you guys working out then it would be best you have no communication at all with each other. Knowing in the back of your head you could easily email her gives you a piece of mind I suppose, but then again it leaves yourself in a vulnerable position. You're going about getting over her in a proper manner, which is good. It may not be working now but given time it's sure to work. Time is a key aspect of getting over someone! However, how long it will take is uncertain :I

[Sian]

you need to realise that if you've had very strong feelings for her for a long time it's going to take a long time to get over them. I've heard people say that it takes atleast half the length of the relationship to get over a person, so you've got a while a to go. Just keep doing what you're doing, as others have said try to stop contact all together and you'll get through it.

The good thing is you're trying your best to do it the right way.

[Catchy]

you are so young! honestly I think most of us here know how you feel and have experienced the whole 'im hurting so much nobody will ever understand' BUT WE ALL DO! and guess what, it will never fully go away, it's something you learn to live with and it just takes (forgive me for the T word) TIME. honestly, time heals all and even though you don't think it you will soon become interested in another person, and slowly your feelings for your ex will fade as this new person starts to take up your thinking time. there are gonna be times you think you're alright but something will trigger that gut wrenching feeling of heartbreak and you'll want to become miserable again and feel sorry for yourself but DONT. just carry on and it'll fade again. sorry im on my phone in uni so tbh don't even know if what I wrote make sense but just please know you're not going to feel like this forever and it's quite evident that it's time for you to move on, you're not the only one in this situation


this 100% so good at advice tara the amount of times I have come to you with a broken heart!

[Barkseh]

1. Don't keep checking her Facebook. 2. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can still be friends.

[Lanyon]

Really appreciate all your comments.

[Futz]

i's say stop it with the emails - esp if she blocked you lmao

and just give it time dude, it's probaby the only way you'll get over her
3-4 months isnt really all that long, give it a bit longer and it'll fade

i think you've just built this unhealthy dependency on her, even in the relationship so it's probably good for you to take some time off

just be single for a while, you'll meet some good people when you're not even looking - i've never inderstood this mindset where you're actively "looking for girlfriend" - this way people just get with anyone

just kind of drift through life 'til you find a girl that can put up with your **** and vice versa

[karter]

it's obv she doesn't want to talk to you so feel insulted and start hating her

[Zak]

Just carry on with life and it will happen. You really should have no communication with her, because having 'minimal' communication won't do anything to help.

This is the best advice.

It took me two years to get over my ex. In that time I never had any contact with her.. but now we're able to meet up and see each other. Not sure on her feelings for me but I don't feel the same way about her any more, I've moved on. Time is a great healer my friend, stay strong :)

Personally I'd cut all contact. It worked for me.. and those who're telling you to chill out or what ever either do not understand how it feels / or are very strong people. your feelings are natural.

[Empired]

Sounds hideous but there's nothing you can do. I know it's such a cliche and a really annoying thing to say but time really is the best healer. You're just gonna have to keep going and you'll start feeling better over time. Might help forcing yourself to think about something else whenever you catch yourself thinking about her too.

Also have you spoken to anyone about it in real life? If not, you need to find someone you really trust and just cry on them loads. You feel so stupid at the time but I found it really took a weight off my back when I'd been struggling with something for a long time. You're allowed to take off the brave face sometimes :P

[Joshirin]

get a hobby

[Lanyon]

This is the best advice.

It took me two years to get over my ex. In that time I never had any contact with her.. but now we're able to meet up and see each other. Not sure on her feelings for me but I don't feel the same way about her any more, I've moved on. Time is a great healer my friend, stay strong :)

Personally I'd cut all contact. It worked for me.. and those who're telling you to chill out or what ever either do not understand how it feels / or are very strong people. your feelings are natural.

The range of advice from different people is insane. It goes from "Just keep trying to get her back, show her much she truly means to you" All the way to "Just move far away from that city, get rid of every single distraction possbile" to "Bro, chill, it's not even such a big deal" to "Man, you're ****ed, just give up now"

Love & Relationships is just about the most complicated thing that humans have to deal with that I'm no where even close to understanding how it really works, but thankgod that it's so complicated because that's what makes life so god damn interesting! Thanks for your post

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get a hobby

Does chess count? I play that a lot :)

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Sounds hideous but there's nothing you can do. I know it's such a cliche and a really annoying thing to say but time really is the best healer. You're just gonna have to keep going and you'll start feeling better over time. Might help forcing yourself to think about something else whenever you catch yourself thinking about her too.

Also have you spoken to anyone about it in real life? If not, you need to find someone you really trust and just cry on them loads. You feel so stupid at the time but I found it really took a weight off my back when I'd been struggling with something for a long time. You're allowed to take off the brave face sometimes :P

I've spoken to many friends, people at work and my family and they are indeed very supportive and happy to talk it through but in the end they pretty much say either two things "You can do better than her" or "Just don't get back with her again".

[Joshirin]

The range of advice from different people is insane. It goes from "Just keep trying to get her back, show her much she truly means to you" All the way to "Just move far away from that city, get rid of every single distraction possbile" to "Bro, chill, it's not even such a big deal" to "Man, you're ****ed, just give up now"

Love & Relationships is just about the most complicated thing that humans have to deal with that I'm no where even close to understanding how it really works, but thankgod that it's so complicated because that's what makes life so god damn interesting! Thanks for your post

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Does chess count? I play that a lot :)

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I've spoken to many friends, people at work and my family and they are indeed very supportive and happy to talk it through but in the end they pretty much say either two things "You can do better than her" or "Just don't get back with her again".

I guess so, but it doesn't require much energy, using a lot of energy would be good relief etc

[sex]

its over deal with it. play some habbo and move on. she is probs. very worried that you are going to kill her since she blocked you from everything yet still find a way to contact her.