Need help sorta

[MKR&*42]

K gonna make this quick:

Basically a few days (maybe a week) ago one of my good friends on Habbo who I believed was a male came and decided to tell me they were actually female (no this isn't Inkwell as I know some of you who think you're funny are gonna mention him). I thought something was up for a while (i even reverse image searched some of the pics they'd sent me a while back - nothing) and I asked them a lot of questions about their life cause something seemed ... off.

Oh anyway yeah they faked their gender and had faked some pics theyd showed me of them. They told me the reason for doing it is because they wanted to date a girl [whom they knew online] who was straight idfk sigh.

Anyway, after I went nuts at them for what they did and lying they started confessing they'd wanted to be a boy and have had gender identity issues for a while. Of course I fully sympathise with anyone who faces these kind of problems and did say I understand it's difficult, but how I was still so frustrated that you'd lie like that.
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Ok so I don't know what to do, I told the person I wouldn't speak to them till i was ready/if i'm ever ready to get over what they did but idk.

Would you 'forgive' someone for doing this?
Should I jus get over it and speak to them again or do you think that this is a bit of a big deal and im best of without them?

I'm legit just so lost... lol.
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oh p.s. not a habboxer i shud add lol

[Kardan]

Well my personal views would be that if somebody is lying to you then they're probably not worth your time, but then again, I wouldn't be the type of person that has proper friends on the internet, nor believes in online dating etc.

What I don't understand is why people lie to people they don't know on the internet, surely that's the easiest place to be open and honest about yourself.

There's always the possibility that they're actually male I guess.

Anyways, my thoughts at the end of the day, it's only some girl on Habbo, so it wouldn't bother me - I guess what you need to think about is if it will have a bad impact on her to just outright ignore her. Meh. Catfish.

[MKR&*42]

Anyways, my thoughts at the end of the day, it's only some girl on Habbo, so it wouldn't bother me - I guess what you need to think about is if it will have a bad impact on her to just outright ignore her. .

(I did read rest of your post dw)

Yeah that's my biggest concern, they said they only came and spoke to me about it because they knew I'd be sensible about it, would understand why they felt that way etc. Agreed in regards to the point about being open online, I believe now they are identifying as being without a gender.

It just sucks when you put your trust in people and tell them things that you wouldn't tell very many people and then they turn around and prove why you shouldn't ever trust them.

[lawrawrrr]

Personally, I don't really care if someone lies about their gender or sexuality. I was friends with Inkwell when I thought he was a girl and I'm friends with him now. It can be hard to be trusting on the internet and let out personal details.

The one thing I will never understand, and always judge people a little bit for, is faking photos - using another person's photos as your own, there's just a level of lying there I can't get to grips with, and don't understand. If someone did it though I probably wouldn't disown them for it, just find it hard to trust them again in the future.

The whole relationship thing, I guess that makes sense but really... you're not going to have a successful relationship if you have to lie about who you are. I guess it's different with gender dysphoria, but it sounds like this person still identifies as a man at the moment - from what you've said probably more like genderqueer. It's unfair (I think) to "go nuts" at them for, essentially, being confused at their own gender, but it's a difficult territory, especially if you haven't encountered if before.

If you're really friends with them then it probably won't change anything, unless you want it to. Probably everyone on Habbo has lied about one thing at one point during their time, but the way I see it, a person's a person, no matter what name, age, gender or anything.

(I think this kind of changes when you enter into a relationship however as you expect a certain amount of mutual trust there!)

[Inseriousity.]

If they've only lied about their gender, no big deal. If they've crafted an entire life story to fit said lie (for instance, tom/jan was still the same person regardless) then that's different. It's really about trust. Maybe the gender identity issue thing is true but why did it take so long for her to reveal it if that was the reason and she had some story bout wanting to date a female who's straight. It sounds like she's spinning lies and I personally wouldn't want to remain close friends with someone where you had to constantly try to work out what was the truth and what wasn't.

[LiquidLuck.]

You just need to go with your gut. If you think your friendship can go back to how it was, sure, forgive them. If you're not sure what is real and what is not anymore though, don't waste your time. I agree with what both Laura and Mike said, Tom was not being someone entirely different, just different gender. But if the reason he is doing this is to try to fool another real person, who might have ended up having real feelings for him, not knowing he was actually a girl, then I would say don't bother.

[myles]

Stop being such a baby! She obviously cares about u that she had the confidence to tell you her true self, so why not accept that? Im sure it takes a lot of guts to actually tell someone your true self after you have been lying for a while. Maybe its a good thing she told you. Maybe she cares about you so much she didnt want you to get hurt. To be honest the main thing here is that she told the truth and now she isnt hiding anything else so why not just forget it and get to know her. It will take some time to get used to the fact that she isnt who she used to say who she was, but over time you will get used to it.

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[Stephen]

that's hilarious
at least it wasn't the other way round though

do you 100% know they're telling the truth now? They could be lying about lying

[Absently]

wait, didn't jan/inkwell fake pics??? so aren't some of u sorta being hypocrites ;s

to me it sounds like they might actually be a boy, but they might only be saying that because you got angry over it? it's hard to know really. it was bad on their behalf to pretend to be a girl to another girl so that they could date them (are they dating/were they?) and that's pretty horrible for the other girl and extremely unfair if they didn't know and if they don't you should really get your friend to do so and if they won't then you should do it yourself (i know you're not even asking any of these questions but this stuff is still pretty important).

faking pictures is never right and should not be done. it doesn't matter whether or not this person has gender issues, you should never steal anothers photo. it's perfectly alright if you don't want to show your picture online. so on that basis alone, i probably wouldn't be able to trust that person again but as you said they came to you and told you, they weren't found out and came out in their own time to tell you. do you know how long they were doing it for?? 'cus if it's quite a short period i wouldn't let it bother me really.

it does sound like this person has some issues of their own that they need to resolve and probably best to just let it lie for a bit and give yourself time.

[Sian]

so many people lie about their sex online, I don't think it's that big a thing, usually they are the same person, but just the opposite sex!

So I've forgiven iseveral cases, and in fact I find they are nicer to be around as more open etc.

[Kyle]

To be honest I think you're being extremely selfish by making this about how their turmoil effects you and not taking much time to consider how brave they are being and how much trust they've instilled in you to want to actually share their story. You make out like you suspected something all along -- why only now does it enrage you? Gender doesn't matter and they are still the person you became friends with no matter what they hid or are still hiding from you. The closer you get and the more they trust you, the more you will eventually learn about them. So long as this person is being honest with themselves and the person they are pursuing, the fact that they pretended to be someone else in the past should not really come into a relationship they are having with you in the present. Your trust will build eventually but for now try to have a little compassion.

[Spuds]

This reminds me that the new series of Catfish starts next month.

[Matt]

I knew someone for about a year as a boy and then they came out as a girl and I was a bit weirded out by it but It doesn't really bother me. People online have the ability to mask their identity with very little effort so when stuff like this happens I'm just like, oh ok cool. I understand they must have their reasons behind why they did it but i've heard of stuff like this happening before and yeah. I guess in your case, it's up to you how you feel about it and whether or not you want to talk to them again. I would as it doesn't phase me but yeah.