Annoying/Copying Friend - advice? +rep

[Empired]

Ugh ok hello everyone. I have a friend (or "friend", I might say) who has been really annoying me since the beginning of this school year (we've been friends since September 2013). She is very, very shy and extremely socially awkward and i'm quite nice irl so she's kinda latched onto me because i'm too nice to ever say anything against her.

But recently she's started practically worshipping me and I think she's copying me?? First she turned up with the same shoes as the ones I used to wear quite a lot. I wouldn't mind but I didn't wear them for a week and she said on the Friday (and I quote) "Why don't you wear our boots anymore? You should wear them again so we can be twinsies :D"....
Then she asked me where I bought one of my jumpers. I told her, and she turned up with the same jumper the following week acting all like it was a coincidence. Now every time she asks me where I got something I lie and say I can't remember/got it as a present.

Also she's been complaining about the colour of her hair (she has long, bright orange hair) and says she loves mine so much. The other day she texted me some links of different shades of brown l'oreal hair dye (I have brown hair btw) and wanted to know which one I thought would suit her the most... She sent me a text a few hours ago asking where I get my hair cut too. I'm seriously worried she'll turn up after Christmas with the EXACT same hair as me.

Finally the last and most weird thing that happened was we had an English Lit assignment set over half term and she was struggling and asked to look at my work cos I'd already done it. I said yeah and that was the end of it. A week later we get called back after class and it turns out she copied my work WORD FOR WORD. Not even any changes to the punctuation. But it wasn't even malicious or anything because when we got asked to own up she immediately said "It's was me miss I'm sorry I panicked and didn't know what to write". And afterwards we walked out and she was literally crying just saying "i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'll never look at another piece of your work again please don't hate me i don't want this to ruin our friendship". I'm just thanking god it wasn't a piece of coursework tbh.

TL;DR: she's copying my shoes, she's copying my clothes, she's thinking about copying my hair colour and style, she copies my work, and she wants us to be "twinsies" as she puts it. She's 17 but this is the sort of behaviour normally displayed by primary school "BBFs", not A-Level students.

Basically I'd like some advice on what to do. I know the reason she's so desperate to be me is because she doesn't like being herself as she has practically no self confidence. For this reason I am completely against confronting her about it straight on as I don't want to ruin what little confidence she has.
But what would you suggest? Are there any ways I could get her to stop copying me at the least?

I'll +rep any helpful answers or suggestions, but keep in mind I'm unable to physically get away from her (she doesn't seem to pick up any subtle hints at all and she will just. keep. talking. even if you're trying to listen to someone else) and I am unwilling to be mean to her to get her to leave me alone.

[scottish]

be straight with her, if shes lacked social interaction or something she obviously doesn't know it's not the proper way to act about you/anyone

so you're better off just sitting down with her telling her straight and she might just appreciate the fact you're behind honest with her.

she's never going to learn if you just ignore it or find another way, and it wont help her further in life when she gets friend at uni, work etc and acts the same way and they all push her away too.

[Kyle]

Compliment things that are specific to her and try to build confidence in the things that define her that she wants to change. say you love her scraggly ginger locks, that they bring out her eyes, etc. try not to come on too strong because she may be in love with you and make a move. ask for HER help when you're doing an assignment. just make her feel important and valued and she should realise that she has some worth of her own and loosen her grip.

[buttons]

i would personally appreciate being told privately and not in a rude way that it was making you feel uncomfortable.
the next time she copies you, you could just ask why shes copying you and when she denies it just say its quite obvious and leave it at that. she might take the hint but if not, again just a passing comment about how it makes you feel uncomfortable instead of making a big deal about it. do it in a way that u say u can notice it but not to the point u want to fall out over it.
you're not in charge of her feelings, if she gets her feelings hurt that's not your problem. whether you avoid or tell her truthfully, she will probably get hurt anyway and thats because of her own self-confidence, not because of you. she might appreciate being told and respect you for that in future.

[Empired]

I'm gonna try kyle's advice 1st and just see. if that doesn't work i guess i'll just have to ask her like jen said. anyway thank u +rep. still if anyone has any other revelations i will be grateful

i am very impressed at everyone who read my essay. it's the effect of 4 months of building annoyance lol

[buttons]

she gunna fall in love with u n cling to u more lmaooo

[Inseriousity.]

Plan A
Tell her nicely not to bother.

Plan B
Boost her self-esteem

Plan C
Tell her to back the **** off

Plan D
Go totally crazy so she's like wtf I ain't copying that.

Plan E
Continue to put up with it and grit your teeth. 4 months, really?

[Empired]

Plan A
Tell her nicely not to bother.

Plan B
Boost her self-esteem

Plan C
Tell her to back the **** off

Plan D
Go totally crazy so she's like wtf I ain't copying that.

Plan E
Continue to put up with it and grit your teeth. 4 months, really?
First plan: Plan B
Second plan: Plan A
Final plan: Plan C

plan E isn't any good cos she's too scared to go to university and i ain't goin next yr either so we'll be stuck just the 2 of us in my city

[Lewis]

Just be honest but don't be harsh or mean about it. She obviously doesn't understand what she's doing, so you need to tell her.

That's really the only way to go about it I think.

edit: oh and yeah, what Kyle said would be a good idea too.

[The Don]

be straight with her, if shes lacked social interaction or something she obviously doesn't know it's not the proper way to act about you/anyone

so you're better off just sitting down with her telling her straight and she might just appreciate the fact you're behind honest with her.

she's never going to learn if you just ignore it or find another way, and it wont help her further in life when she gets friend at uni, work etc and acts the same way and they all push her away too.

Don't do this. I know Scott loves being blunt but I don't think that's the best way to solve this. Directly challenging them on it is only going to result in conflict, and if this persons as socially awkward as they sound you never know how they'll react. Also if you do directly challenge them on it it's going to destroy what little self esteem they have (which i'm guessing you don't want to do otherwise you would've told them to **** off already). The problem you're in is you're enabling her behaviour. You may be a nice person but that doesn't mean you have to be a doormat. The copying clothes/haircuts thing is annoying, but it's not the end of the world. Copying your work however is too much, I don't understand how they were able to copy it word for word unless they clearly copied it in front of you (at which point you should've spoke up), or you leant it to her overnight or something. Either way, don't lend people your work for extended periods of time in the future, that won't fly at higher education as enabling is almost as bad as copying.

Either way, it depends how you want this 'friendship' to progress. From your initial post it seems like you see her as more of a burden than a friend? If this is the case then just distance yourself from her until she's out of your life. If you do want to continue being friends with her don't enable her behaviour. You don't have to be horrible, just assertive. Kyle's advice seems pretty good, trying to build up her confidence so she has her own personality will benefit her massively in the long term. In my opinion though it seems more hassle than it's worth, I would distance myself from them because at the end of the day you're not a life coach and it shouldn't be your job to do all that. Obviously if they're a good friend that's a different case, but from your initial post it didn't seem like they were your best friend or anything.

[Empired]

Don't do this. I know Scott loves being blunt but I don't think that's the best way to solve this. Directly challenging them on it is only going to result in conflict, and if this persons as socially awkward as they sound you never know how they'll react. Also if you do directly challenge them on it it's going to destroy what little self esteem they have (which i'm guessing you don't want to do otherwise you would've told them to **** off already). The problem you're in is you're enabling her behaviour. You may be a nice person but that doesn't mean you have to be a doormat. The copying clothes/haircuts thing is annoying, but it's not the end of the world. Copying your work however is too much, I don't understand how they were able to copy it word for word unless they clearly copied it in front of you (at which point you should've spoke up), or you leant it to her overnight or something. Either way, don't lend people your work for extended periods of time in the future, that won't fly at higher education as enabling is almost as bad as copying.

Either way, it depends how you want this 'friendship' to progress. From your initial post it seems like you see her as more of a burden than a friend? If this is the case then just distance yourself from her until she's out of your life. If you do want to continue being friends with her don't enable her behaviour. You don't have to be horrible, just assertive. Kyle's advice seems pretty good, trying to build up her confidence so she has her own personality will benefit her massively in the long term. In my opinion though it seems more hassle than it's worth, I would distance myself from them because at the end of the day you're not a life coach and it shouldn't be your job to do all that. Obviously if they're a good friend that's a different case, but from your initial post it didn't seem like they were your best friend or anything.
Thanks for advice x

I've been trying to distance myself from her and haven't started a conversation with her in about 2 months but she just doesn't get the hint at all. If I'm sat with my friends she will come over and sit with us, blank my friends, cut across whatever they're saying and start talking just to me about something. They've started trying to get me to do something about it because she's coming across as plain rude to them 'cause most people are gonna assume rudeness before social awkwardness.

The copying work thing was because we were in the library and basically none of my friends had done any of their work over half term. She asked if she could look at some of the points i made and how to structure so I said yeh, then i turned to two of my other friends to talk them through some History they were supposed to do. It was only about 5 minutes but i guess she could've taken a picture or something i just don't know.
Yeh anyway since then whenever people ask me for help i'll only talk them through points they could make. won't show anyone my work until after it's been handed in, marked and given back to me.

I don't want our 'friendship' to progress at all I just don't want to ruin her life lol. I'll try kyle's suggestion for a few weeks but if it makes no difference/makes her worse I'll sit her down and talk to her.

[DryRash]

Like you said she is very shy so knowing that you have let her be your friend is a good thing. However, I know being blunt with someone works it might also pull her down or upset her. You need to let her know the good things about her self and style and maybe you should give her some ideas on what to wear. Like maybe go shopping and be like "Wow, this top would look really nice on you" Things like that. Or you could talk with her, Tell her about it but in a nice way sit down and tell her you love being her friend and all but the copying thing is weird and that sure you can be "Twinsies" But I think you should be you being you are amazing! Do this to push her confidence back up so she doesn't go all shy again!

Don't know if this helps at all never been in this situation apart from a friend who kept saying the same thing I said once but dragged it out over a long time and kept thinking the joke I made was still funny >_<

Good luck!

[RandomManJay]

You could maybe ask her directly if she's trying to copy you? And that it's making you uncomfortable. But if she is that socially awkward it might make it more difficult if you're going to be around her for the next year.

Or you could try go shopping with her at some point and try and get her into a different look that you recommend. Maybe if she thinks you like it she might ease off wanting to be like you.

And maybe try to get her more involved with your friends (with a foreword warning to your friends so they don't act like ******* just to spite her). So if she's cutting them off, ask them for their opinion on what she's asking. Maybe it will encourage her to engage more and come out of her shell.

If in the end it does become extremely uncomfortable for you, you could try speaking to a teacher or maybe if there's someone in the school that deals with social awkwardness, and see if anything can be done. In reality you aren’t responsible for her being this way, and it isn’t your responsibility or within your ability to truly help her.

In the end, although school isn't usually all that pleasurable, it is actually meant to be. I don't see a reason why your experience should be a difficult one because of another student’s shortcomings. Also if there's a possibility she could copy your work again, that could seriously **** up your qualifications. So for the sake of your own potential future, be selfish. If she's jeopardising your education, make sure she doesn’t get the chance.

Sorry if I sound harsh, and sorry if anything I've mentioned has already been posted (haven't read the whole thread).

[Richie]

just say to her whats the point in copying me you're never going to learn, then if she just replies with some lazy ***** remark just tell her to get the ****.

[Empired]

just say to her whats the point in copying me you're never going to learn, then if she just replies with some lazy ***** remark just tell her to get the ****.
oh i forgot about this thread, thank you richard xx

yeah my friends told her to piss off on friday and she hasn't attempted contact with me since so idk hopefully i'm free