Privacy from Parents

[Empired]

My friend and I were swapping numbers the other day and she warned me that anything I send her will be checked by her mother, so I should keep it all appropriate. Obviously I wouldn't be sending nudes or something anyway, but it did get me thinking:

How much privacy do you think children and teenagers should be allowed? Should you be given more/less as you get older? Should parents be allowed to 'snoop' through your Facebook account and belongings to see what's going on?

The worst case I've heard of is being out in town with a friend and him receiving a text from his mother asking him to send a photo of him (in a specific position that she'd randomly chosen so he couldn't have taken a picture beforehand) and his friends to prove his whereabouts. I know of some parents who have the details of their child's accounts (Facebook, Tumblr, Habbo, etc.) so they can log on and check what's going on too. Do you think this is acceptable?

[MKR&*42]

Tbhh my Mum gave me a fair bit of privacy as a teen and still does. The worst she's done is found one of my tumblr accounts (changed the URL after LOL) and went through that then came and had a go at me for stupid reasons lol.

Don't think anyone really should be allowed to snoop through any of their child's things unless they have a very strong and imperative reason that there is something to gain from doing so. So like... cyber bullying.. idk can't think of example.

[Empired]

Tbhh my Mum gave me a fair bit of privacy as a teen and still does. The worst she's done is found one of my tumblr accounts (changed the URL after LOL) and went through that then came and had a go at me for stupid reasons lol.

Don't think anyone really should be allowed to snoop through any of their child's things unless they have a very strong and imperative reason that there is something to gain from doing so. So like... cyber bullying.. idk can't think of example.
Like if you think your child has stolen something you go to look for it? :P Both my cousins are adopted and a lot of adopted children steal because they're not used to not having to hoard. My older cousin is really awful for it and once stole £130 from his aunt (not an aunt on my side of the family)'s purse. He was already known to steal money so she went ballistic and went through all this belongings tearing everything apart looking for the money!

My mum gives off the impression that I'm allowed a lot of privacy but I know not to leave my laptop or phone around the house if I'm not with them because she checks through my texts and calls and things. I know she went through my phone once a few months ago because my history showed someone had been through my texts, contacts and open internet pages and she was the only one in the house that night :P It was annoying though because she completely denied it and still does to this day.

[Red]

I think will just foster distrust. My friends who had the strict parents, they ended up doing whatever it was anyway only behind their parents back. My mum give me a lot of freedom and I respected her. There is no way I would want someone reading my private conversations nor would I want to do that to my kids.

[Gina]

my mum gives me quite a lot of privacy and so doesnt check my phone facebook social media etc
she knows my passwords to things etc but wont go on them unless anythings happened
my phone hasnt got anything oni t anyway so even if she did look like uno nothing to hide so no phone password lol
my mum says though that its our messages and obv she shouldnt be looking through them but at same time if i got into online argument or anything of a sort she'd obv scroll through and see what im doing
she doesnt monitor any skype or internet activity watev tho
when i was younger she used to watch me n charlotte to see what we're doing when we were like 9/10 so even with our lil nokia phones would check on those but uno i understand that cos i was young but as i got older she released it lol
she still knows my computer password though fb twitter etc but knows not to go through them
i think thts good though like theres trust that she doesnt go on it and if she did it'd tell me tht a diff computer tried to log on (she doesnt know that tho) so then trust element is built up then just she doesnt actually snoop and look through my stuff but knows the info if she needed to

i think its acceptable to have the passwords to things and if u needed to log on then to do it say ur child went missing and u wanted to see if there was any convos suggesting online like anythingl ike that but i dont think its acceptable to just snoop wheneve you feel like snooping
there should be good reason or if u want to


idk if that made sense

[Kyle]

It's very easy to be on the receiving end of snooping and say that privacy from parents is super important but as parents I think we will all be slightly wary of goings on and want to be sure that our children are safe. I have a younger sister so am naturally protective and have to make sure that she's secure insofar as ensuring that she's only interacting with friends, not reading actual messages when she uses the internet and things like skype... They start so young these days bloody hell.

My parents are nosy and would always look at my phone if I left it in a room and be like oh who is this who is that but that's probably my own fault for not telling them anything. A few years ago somebody from the internet called my house and told my dad that I had nude pics of a girl and was harassing her (not true lmao) so from then I decided the best bet is just to be more open with them. Absolutely hate eavesdropping on conversations or people lookin at my phone when I'm texting it's just rude.


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[e5]

Always had privacy. My mum found cigs when going through my pockets and that was it lol. Depends how old you are but I think from 16 you shouldn't be watched particularly. Learn from your own mistakes!

[Bloop]

my parents are freaking control freaks lol the amount of stuff they go thru to know what im doing and try to stop it ie twitter is just ridiculous lol

[scottish]

I've always had privacy too, they've never snooped in my room, about my computer etc for stuff..

I've always been allowed to have my own space and do whatever within that.

[DKJA]

i never really get the greatest privacy, questions are always asked and such but i never give straight answers or nothing... and my phones and such are always password's on them which they both get pissed about like why do you put stupid passwords and such on your things... because it's damn ******* mine not yours and private..

But yeah snooping... i can understand it more and more as we progress.. because there's the whole thing of what kids are getting up to younger and younger and such, it's not the greatest of thing's but.. like it sometimes can't be helped especially in this ever changing and developing time.

[IzzyUhh]

I don't have much privacy and everything I do is questioned, like who is that you're adding on facebook, who are you talking to on skype call? It's ridiculous but I guess I'm used to it

[buttons]

i had too much privacy. i could go anywhere, go out with anyone, do what i want and she wouldn't even know cause she was never there. i wish i had a mum who asked what i'm up to, what's going on in my life and all that cause maybe i'd have had someone to talk about stuff to.
i think in future i will prob be a worrier mum and be a bit nosy

[Sharon]

when i was in year 9 i was speaking to a boy in year 11 and he sent me sexual messages on fb and i wasn't replying back sexually however my mum happened to see them on my phone after taking it off me one time, snooping obv and had a go at me for them on how bad i was behaving lol and banned me speaking to him... didn't work tbh even though looking back now i am thinking what a CREEP he was constantly asking for pictures

nowadays they give me the freedom to do what i want, my phone is passworded anyway and i only actually text tom and delete most of my other conversations so there's nothing to actually see. they don't care as long as i'm being safe. i never really went out when i was younger so there was no worry and the few timesi went out with boys i would just say friends and they wouldn't think to question me. i always say where it is i'm going because it's only ever shopping etc. and with the same few people n sister

i would be super pissed off if my mum went through any of my things now because i would take it as she's doubting me and thinks i'm up to something when in reality she could just ask and it's very likely i would tell her

[Inseriousity.]

I think it's about trust really. If you can trust your kid to be street smart about things then you can give them the space they need. If you can't, you have to keep an eye on them. The conflict only happens when a parent doesn't see their kid is smart and head-strong or the kid thinks they're capable. I've always had my privacy but my dad also snooped in on everything my sister said. They'd have arguments all the time because he'd take something she said to someone out of context (like a wink is flirting when it wasn't, small things like that). It doesn't really help build relationships and trust. I think you need to set boundaries, say what they are, punish when they go out of line and keep reinforcing those boundaries but I don't think you need to snoop on every online conversation to do that.

[Empired]

I think it's about trust really. If you can trust your kid to be street smart about things then you can give them the space they need. If you can't, you have to keep an eye on them. The conflict only happens when a parent doesn't see their kid is smart and head-strong or the kid thinks they're capable. I've always had my privacy but my dad also snooped in on everything my sister said. They'd have arguments all the time because he'd take something she said to someone out of context (like a wink is flirting when it wasn't, small things like that). It doesn't really help build relationships and trust. I think you need to set boundaries, say what they are, punish when they go out of line and keep reinforcing those boundaries but I don't think you need to snoop on every online conversation to do that.
But misuse of trust often just leads to cycles like:
You find out one time your kid lied to you about where they where going (might have just been they went on somewhere afterwards and forgot to tell you or something)
You force them to tell you where they're going every time afterwards
Because they're a teen, they deliberately start lying to you BECAUSE you're making them tell you, meaning you can trust them even less and might have to start banning them from going out/seeing certain people (hey which everyone knows doesn't work).

It's so tricky to call. If I caught my kid lying to me there would be immediate sanctions. So if I found they'd stolen something they'd be made to return it (or if that's impossible the item is taken away), if they were lying to me I'd take away their phone for a bit. But I don't think long-term punishments like making your child tell you where they are every time/grounding them for a month does ANYTHING because they'll start to feel like you're over-punishing them or punishing them even after they've "done their time".

I can think of an example when my cousin got his bike stolen because he forgot to use the lock. His dad went insane and banned him from going on a school Art trip in 3 months' time. When it got to the time of the trip, his dad basically had to say to him "no you can't go. Remember that thing you did three months ago? That's why". And that seems so dumb to me.

[Inseriousity.]

But I never said that :P
I agree with you. I would personally, with your example, just take their phone for a bit. If they did so again, increase the time each time they disobeyed.

[Empired]

But I never said that :P
I agree with you. I would personally, with your example, just take their phone for a bit. If they did so again, increase the time each time they disobeyed.
Well yeah that was a lame example but a phone might be really important to that teenager. I've never been obsessed with my phone like the media makes all teenagers out to be but I still don't like my mum to take it because I know she tries to rifle through it.

I think being made to give the item back/pay for the item if a child steals something is a perfect punishment because there's a small amount of shame behind the punishment and hopefully it would deter them from ever wanting to go through that again, therefore not stealing.
If they're caught lying there are often bigger emotional problems behind it if they're a repeat offender. I'd want to get that sorted but they'd also need a punishment for lying as well. So I'd say no TV/no drama club/you're grounded for a week. Then the next time, don't extend the punishments but add more of them. So no TV AND you're grounded for a week.

[Inseriousity.]

no drama club lmaooo you got camp son stereotype sorted lololol
Could do it that way but if it happens a lot you're gonna have to find a lot of things they like to ban them from haha.

[-:Undertaker:-]

If the child is a little horror then I understand parents snooping (and they have every right as parents) but not really if the kid is a good'un.

[OldLoveSong]

My mom read my diary when i was 12 ever since then shes always been tryin to snoop on all my stuff lol. If i go to bathroom n leave fb up on conputer she will like scroll thru my stuff :sss

[Metric1]

i had too much privacy. i could go anywhere, go out with anyone, do what i want and she wouldn't even know cause she was never there. i wish i had a mum who asked what i'm up to, what's going on in my life and all that cause maybe i'd have had someone to talk about stuff to.
i think in future i will prob be a worrier mum and be a bit nosy

Same, I never got grounded, never had a curfew, my mum never knew who my friends were except for the select few.. I'd say she's more involved in my life now then she was 10 years ago.. she calls me ALL THE TIME "just to check in".. sometimes we just have a smoke together on FaceTime..

[Alkaz]

Me and my siblings were all raided pretty street wise and knowledgeable about many different things so we have always been given freedom to do what we want and now and again we oil be given nuggets of information about staying safe on the Internet which helped out immensely. Also coming from a large well connected family none of us have ever been bullied, in the playground or on the Internet so that's not been a worry either for my parents.

[Kimmy]

I suppose it depends on the age. Say, if you're 9 and your mum finds messages on your social media sites (that most children have accounts on these days, it's terrible) of you talking with boys and things, it's very different than if you're over sixteen and doing the same. I think there's a certain line drawn, and there'll be a point where you begin to go out of your way to prevent them from seeing the things you do.

[welshcake]

My mother doesn't go through my text messages or anything like that but if I delete her and my Auntie off Facebook, she goes crazy. I have only ever done it once. She likes to keep an eye on me on there but I don't actually post anything so I never get it. My parents are the same with my sister too.