do messages count as cheating???

[Sharon]

i personally thought no but my mind has changed since i figured out my newly titled ex has been messaging other girls for like 10 months n there was like 20 of them in total lol... IT IS CHEATING NOW

i used to only see physical as cheating although messages were never acceptable either. but when i told a friend what he did she was like well he didn't actually do anything though? apart from lie to me nearly all of the time we've been together...

i think suggesting doing physical things to girls isn't far off actually doing them n hurts nearly as much but that's me n the way i dealt with it i guess

w b u

[Brad]

I totally agree with this. Relationships are meant to be a one on one basis.
To the extent of the text messages, etc. are that's where the line is drawn for me. I wouldn't want my girlfriend to be planning a hangout with a guy, or something. Unless either;
A) that guy was someone I knew and trusted
B) that guy was her brother/friend prior to us dating

As I see it, if my girlfriend is going to stay true to me, she'll set boundaries herself. Which includes who she texts and what she texts.


P.s- I am so sorry that he did that to you as well. :(

[Sharon]

yeah by initiating physical i was referring to his messages of asking girls if they have a free house / saying he wishes they were cuddling or w.e his sick mind was up to

throwing away one girl who genuinely cares and loves for you and picking to be a serial **** messaging girls who do not care for his feelings and don't plan on sticking around... AND they're all super ugly with 0 personality

god i'm still bitter

i'd like to add tht they were never deep deep conversations and for about 70% of them they were only literal brief flirty chats but when i added them up etc there was a few girls that the messages were just disgusting and a lot more often where they did insinuate meeting up/wanting to do things. just too much for me to handle and there were pictures flying about too from some girls just NO even if he never went asking was enough

[lawrawrrr]

I dunno, I'm kind of in two minds. Physical cheating is fairly obvious cheating in anyone's book but anything else can be fairly emotional cheating really.

I think it'd depend on the substance of the text really, cos you can pretty much have a full blown affair only over messages or just like flirting. I don't really class flirting as cheating though so yeah. Depends :(

Sorry to hear about your situation though

[Kyle]

if there is a desire for gratification from lots of other people it generally means the person doesn't take the relationship very seriously. Suggesting doing physical things and being on the lookout for potential hookups is in a different league to what I see as harmless flirting though.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[buttons]

i wouldn't call it cheating but it is definitely something i would finish a relationship over. sometimes physical cheating is easier to get over than emotional 'cheating'.

[scottish]

I would consider it cheating.

It is emotional cheating, especially if they're exchanging pictures/asking for pictures/asking about free house (which if it went their way would lead to physical cheating).

[Yupt]

Depends on the texts, if they are all flirtatious and emotional then yes ofc i'd consider that cheating, it's having an emotional attachment with someone else when a relationship is meant to be a one to one thing. However talking to other guys as friends I would have no problem with.

I often think this when I see my friends in halls, most of whom are in relationships with people back at their respective homes, get all cuddly with me and other people.

[Kardan]

I dunno, I'm kind of in two minds. Physical cheating is fairly obvious cheating in anyone's book but anything else can be fairly emotional cheating really.

I think it'd depend on the substance of the text really, cos you can pretty much have a full blown affair only over messages or just like flirting. I don't really class flirting as cheating though so yeah. Depends :(

Sorry to hear about your situation though

You don't class flirting as cheating? Wow. That's a definite no go in my books, so is text messaging in that context.

Why would you need to flirt with someone other than your partner?

[lawrawrrr]

You don't class flirting as cheating? Wow. That's a definite no go in my books, so is text messaging in that context.

Why would you need to flirt with someone other than your partner?
Well people have different definitions of flirting, people have said I'm flirting in the past when I don't think I am, but no I don't really think it does (in that I wouldn't break up with someone over it), because I think it's harmless. Obviously I don't go around shamelessly leading people on or being explicit with them but yeah...

it's just different definitions of flirting IMO. but no, I wouldn't care if my significant other was flirting.

[Kardan]

So you would feel absolutely no jealousy whatsoever?

On your romantic honeymoon, just got married, and you see your new husband chatting up the hotel receptionist and it's perfectly okay?

Each to their own I suppose :P

[lawrawrrr]

So you would feel absolutely no jealousy whatsoever?

On your romantic honeymoon, just got married, and you see your new husband chatting up the hotel receptionist and it's perfectly okay?

Each to their own I suppose :P
I don't really get jealous, but then I'm much more laid back than your average person about cheating full stop (basically, I don't really care that much if they did). I mean, maybe that will change when I'm in a serious, long-term relationship.

To clarify the jealousy thing actually, if in that scenario my new husband was leaving our room and activities (get your minds out of the gutter) to go chat up the receptionist or ignoring me to do so, I wouldn't think that was *on*, but if it was just some light flirting as we were getting keys or something, no I honestly would not care at all!

[Empired]

I totally agree with this. Relationships are meant to be a one on one basis.
To the extent of the text messages, etc. are that's where the line is drawn for me. I wouldn't want my girlfriend to be planning a hangout with a guy, or something. Unless either;
A) that guy was someone I knew and trusted
B) that guy was her brother/friend prior to us dating

As I see it, if my girlfriend is going to stay true to me, she'll set boundaries herself. Which includes who she texts and what she texts.
That's so weird. I would not want to continue dating someone if they wouldn't let me see a male friend. Trust is an important part of a relationship and if my boyfriend flat out won't let me have a proper social life then I will end the relationship. Some jealousy is going to be natural but downright not allowing me to see someone is ridiculous IMO.

Basically I'd see flirting as harmless if you do it with your friends or whatever. Like me and my friends will flirt with each other even though none of us are romantically interested in each other just because that's the kind of friendship we have. But if I suspect either my partner OR the person they're flirting with is interested then I'd say something.

[Samantha]

I think it depends how far it goes, and what the contents of the messages are. I know it's not really texting, but my ex asked many girls on Ask.fm rude questions and suggested they sent pictures whereby I confronted him about it, he tried denying it until I stopped him in his tracks, I told him he shouldn't have done it especially since he has a girlfriend who if he really had that desire could have said stuff like that to surely? I don't believe he saw it was wrong at all, but it's where we differed, I messed up and I told him, we were fine, yet he couldn't admit something to me. If he has asked about there being a free house, it doesn't scream the most positive of things to me and alarm bells would probably ring there as I'm rather paranoid (not in this relationship currently though).

I agree with you Empired; as well. Something kicked off between me, Max and this other person from work. For various reasons me and Max broke up for a while and this guy tried it on numerous times, and Max said he would never ask me to stop texting him, but I did do - I only spoke to ask him for a picture of the rota or to swap a shift and even that's stopped now due to circumstances he's caused as usual. Fortunately, I know who Max texts and vice versa pretty much, I don't need to know, he just tells me as generally they're people from work, Max jokingly flirts with people (he especially likes red heads lol), but I know he means no harm by it and I'm ok with it.

There's always a line you shouldn't cross though and that line is different to everyone which you should set yourself. You and your partner should know what's too far and try to be on the same page. Also, think about it, if the boot was on the other foot and it was you arranging a free house and getting sent pictures, would he be ok with that?

[dbgtz]

Not necessarily, but kissing a random guy is. Depends on context, the people involved, the maturity of the relationship etc. There's no set rules that are applicable to every situation and I would keep that in mind.

[e5]

I wouldn't say it's cheating but it's defintely unfaithful and makes them untrustworthy and definitely re-titling them to ex is appropriate!

[scottish]

I wouldn't say it's cheating but it's defintely unfaithful and makes them untrustworthy and definitely re-titling them to ex is appropriate!

unfaithful = cheating

?? what

[Kimmy]

I most definitely think it's cheating. The definition of cheating is to act dishonestly or unfairly; and any form of unfaithfulness falls under that category. Just after I moved in with my ex I discovered messages on his social media sites telling countless girls that he wanted to meet up with them and do certain things. He even mentioned to one of them that I meant nothing, and that he'd end with me soon. This was all in text and nothing was done in order person although I surely did feel betrayed and all of that usual stuff.

In terms of the flirting, I'm unsure. I suppose there's different levels of it; but being the naturally jealous type I would not tolerate it whatsoever. Ex used to call this one girl love and babe and pretty all of the time just to get up her arse and it drove me mad. I don't think it's on the same par with actual cheating, however, but it is definitely a way to weaken trust.

[e5]

unfaithful = cheating

?? what
Ha, maybe so yeah I guess. In a way I think it's cheating then. I usually see cheating at like sex/kissing etc but I guess texting and being unfaithful in that way is cheating :/ lmao idk

[scottish]

Ha, maybe so yeah I guess. In a way I think it's cheating then. I usually see cheating at like sex/kissing etc but I guess texting and being unfaithful in that way is cheating :/ lmao idk

well unfaithful is basically the definition of cheating, so if you think it's unfaithful then you must think it's cheating.

unless you think there's a difference between unfaithful and cheating? :P

[Sian]

It depends on how far these messages go, my latest ex texted someone this: "If I wasn't with my girlfriend I'd come and have sex with you".

Pissed me right off, but it wasn't really cheating. If it went as far as sexting, then yeh, cheating, bye bye...